"Show me the money !"
March 11, 2001
I awoke in my room to the sound of the phone going off.
"Christ, answer it !" Said Laura as I answered the call,
"Hmmm hello ?" I asked as I cleared my throat.
"Hey it's Tom, was wondering if you can come in today to film, we got to do just a couple more scenes man and we're done …."
I awoke even more as I got out of bed and began to change.
"Alright, uhhh- well first good morning Tom and uhh I'll be there in an hour or so …"
Tom felt relieved as he replied
"Perfect, see you then -" I clicked as Laura still slept.I looked at her as I knew, I knew I'm the luckiest man in the world.
I walked through the hallways as it's still quiet, to be fair it's seven in the morning.It's odd most people see this type of time as too late or too early.Some awake at five in the morning and others awake at eleven, to each is own.I edited the home as I got to my car and headed straight to this everyday suicide note I call work.
I looked across the street to see the neighbor watering her lawn.I just couldn't help but look, she had on denim shorts and a bikini top.I stopped looking due to being still half asleep.
I drove as the traffic is somehow still a busy, no matter the hour.I looked around as I see other mindless drones going to the hive.I breathed in as I hear honks all around and road rage being displayed.
"Fuck- fuck fuck, fuckkkkkk !" I yelled as I repeatedly hit my steering wheel, I am in agonizing pain, Someone honked at me as I honked back in fury.Finally we moved as I slowly fantasized making a sharp turn into oncoming cars opposite of me.Damn it I'm a sucker for nostalgia and I could really use a sucker punch right now.I remember back in 10th grade when this Irish kid got in a fight with Jackson, oh Jackson put up a fight, even til this day, you'd never go a minute without him gloating about it.
"Move it dickwad !" I heard as I was driving casually, I mean who does this guy think he is.I honked back as I yelled back
"Go fuck your mother !"
I got to the location we were shooting at as I parked a couple blocks away.I saw Tom and some men arguing as he turned and saw me approaching.
"Oh thank goodness- alright dress him up right and prepare the fake blood…! " he yelled out as I was confused.He walked away as two men approached to help me into costume,
"What do you mean, blood ?" He turned and replied
"It's your death scene ….." he walked away as he headed into an apartment building that he rented out.Jesus I didn't know I was being killed, I really should've read the script a bit more.
"And action !" He yelled out as I was wearing a white tank top and a Hawaiian shirt with denim pants and black adidas superstar shoes.He had it at an angle where you'd see me be killed off- screen but still see blood pouring out everywhere.A shot was heard as I thudded to the floor and blood began to splurge everywhere.I was laying there for a couple seconds as Tom yelled out
"Cut ….!"
Everybody cheered as it was apparently our last scene, I thought we still had more things to do but I guess they were done.
"Wait that's it ?" I asked as Tom nodded and said
"Yea, we're done with you man, your scenes are completely done …."
The cast and crew still seemed cheerful as I felt a bit perplex.
"Wait are you sure ?" I asked as he smiled and said
"Yea, we'll invite you out to the premiere alright ? April 26, be available and look nice …."
I shrugged it off and got out to the front street as I see barricades still blocking off the streets, I guess I could go home now-
"Aye sir, we need the clothes back …." Said this man as I turned and felt embarrassed.
"Oh I'm sorry, yea …." I followed him back into the trailer as I took off everything, he gave me a bag full of my stuff.
"Thanks …" I said as he stayed quiet but collected what I wore into another bag and exited.
"Asshole …." I remarked as the door slammed.
I left the place as I drove home but decided to make a detour.I parked as I called Nate, it rang as I looked around to see this street empty.It's odd to feel the world is so overpopulated but still underdeveloped when it comes to enjoying life.
"Yea hello ?" He asked as I said
"Aye Nate it's me, we nearly done with this film man, you going to the premiere right ?"
He replied
"Hell yea I am, shit man I again thank you for all you've done for this film, Tom's been saying how great you were…."
I scoffed as I remarked
"Yes well I can't say the same for him …."
He felt curious and asked
"Oh, why, what's wrong ? "
I didn't feel it right to just tell him this, it was a childish pettiness.
"Nothing man, hey you down to hang out ?"
He sighed and said
"Can't man I got school and work- you know -"
I then felt disappointed and said
"Yea I understand ….."
I hanged up as it sounded like he was going to say something.I then proceeded to go on a rampage of calls as I called up old friends.I got either voicemails or excuses.I don't want to say excuses, they did have actual things to do, everyone was busy.
April 8, 2001, a warm Sunday morning, I got ready for school; a trade school.I've been going for a couple weeks now and I've gotten used to my environment.
"Alright look, today you'll learn about how to properly cut copper and don't forget your sandpaper copper cutter …."
Said Mr.Dean, a young guy, maybe in his early 30s but still had that immaturity in him.We all got to work as we'd work on our own by now, if you don't study then you're behind.Everything is on this book we got for beginners and it really does help.I'm working in the field of hard labor, nothing like a desk job or accounting.These guys I have in this class range from ages 18 and up, it's very diverse when it comes to age.I have to admit, the first few months I was confused but after a while you start to understand it.I never really thought I'd end up here, I always had other things in mind; hell maybe the movie will be big.Maybe all my troubles will be fixed and me and Laura can live stress free, just maybe.
"Hey, hey Dolton check this out …" said Fred, Fred is this guy who's about two to three years older than me, we got used to each other because we started this school at the same time.He was showing me this drawing he did, it was the Virgin Mary.
"It's really…..really fucking good ….." I cheered him on as he smiled. Mr.Dean was done with his lesson as he looked at the clock and said
"Alright, break time, come back at uhhh- 11:30 …."
I headed out with the other students as we headed for the student lounge.It's a large break room with about four tables and six chairs on each one.I went for the corner table that faces the window to the outside.I always look out to see those cars passing by, they probably have life figured out.
"Here you go man …" said Fred as he brought me a water bottle.I accepted it as I replied
"Thanks man …" I looked back out the window as Fred drank his water in silence.Others around the place we're having their usual conversation, you know things.Talking about taxes and football and how their wives don't let them rest.
"Hey Dolton …" said Fred as I turned and asked
"Yea man ?"
He fixed his posture and said
"You ever thought of always doing this ?"
I smirked and said
"What- this school ?"
He nodded as I added on,
"Well, yea man I guess, it seemed better than wasting maybe 4-6 years on something foolish like a college …."
He agreed as he said
"Yea I feel ya, man I did two years in a college, you know a legit one- I was going to try and be a Doctor but fuck that ….hehe …."
We both laughed a bit as he continued speaking,
"Think about it, you do this in less than a year and you get certified- hell you can choose you hourly wage man, you make the prices …..just don't be those asshole scammers ….-"
He continued speaking his philosophy but I quickly lost interest as it's the same thing I always here.The same charade and lingo, always sounding like he's trying to sell me something.
I drank the water as I continued to look out the window, the surrounding area is clear.There's a continent store right across the street and some random businesses aside them.The most bizarre places that I can't understand are still in business, I mean who the hell is going to a psychic still ?
The break was over as Fred said
"Hey, hey !" He snapped me back into it.
I looked back at him as I asked
"Yea ?"
He got up and said
"Breaks over man …" He started walking out as I slowly got up and looked at the assortments of salty snacks, candy bars and beverages, it's revolting.
I sat back in my seat as I continued to take notes, I can't lie that half of writing are random sketches and doodles but it all makes sense.
"Dolton, can you tell me what are amps ?" He asked me nicely as I froze up.I didn't know as I gave a nervous-smiling look.
"Uhhh, I don't know man …." I said laughingly as he replied
"That's alright, does anyone else know ?" He asked around the room as some hands were raised.I slowly went back to my notepad and began sketching Laura.I still have to get used to this environment, this school isn't bad, it's just not for everyone.No matter how they advertise themselves or endorse their logo, I can fully say not everyone can do this.Some people are just meant for the awful things in life.We got some school merchandise, I got a shirt and hat, the other tools were nice too.I got an itch as I raised my hand, Mr.Dean noticed and said
"Yea ?" I quickly said
"Can I use the restroom ?" He jokingly said
"No !- I'm just kidding go ahead…."
I laughed and got up and quickly excused myself.
I walked these hallways as I see plaques of people who've graduated with such high hopes, they look so damn happy.I mean I'm happy, why shouldn't I be, I just have this little black hole of sadness that's slowly growing inside of me.I look at the floor as the pattern is a blue and white squares.I tried to only step on the blue squares as I arrived at the restroom.I peed quickly as I went to wash my hands, I looked at my knuckles as I had soap melting on it.They looked bruised and purple, it's strange to see that.I then looked in the mirror, I had never felt such fear.A fear that I'm living a modern day American dream.I couldn't stop staring at myself in disgust as I hear the door open, someone was entering.I quickly got back to finishing washing up.We gave each other a quick nod as he headed for the stall.I got out as I got back to class the same way, I reign superior to the blue squares.I stopped as I looked at the vending machines in the student lounge again as I entered it.
I looked through the machine as I got out my wallet to get a five dollar bill.I put it in the slot as I chose E6, a Canada Dry Soda.I moved on to the machine next to it and chose A7, a honeybun.I got them both as I walked back to class and stood at the door.I looked at the soda and honeybun as I did a chuckle.I walked back out to the elevator as I headed back to the first floor.I walked out to the parking lot as I went to a little area that had a little table and seating.I sat there as began taking a bite a little bite of the honeybun.I then snapped open the soda as I took the nicest sip and gave out a great relief, "ahhhh" I said.I looked on to the parking lot as I see a student from my class sitting in his car as he started smoking a joint, he was hotboxing his car.I always said this school is so diverse and has many colorful characters.
I took a breathe of fresh air as I looked around to see a more colorful neighborhood that surrounds this place.I hear music playing a couple yards away, this home looks like it's having a barbecue.They're playing "California Love " by 2pac, it looked fun as you can hear children playing and adults laughing, that seems so beautiful.
I took a few more bites as I complimented it with some sips.I looked back at the guy who hotboxed his car as he had his car door open, he looked half-asleep.I laughed as I looked through my wallet once again, I looked at this Polaroid picture of me and Laura; I remember this day.She was sick, she caught a cold; she stayed with her parents to stay isolated for a bit.Well I visited that day as her mother answered the door.
"Oh Dolton, good to see you, you do know she's still sick -" I said as I entered and replied
"Yea, I got a mask on- just in case …."
I was carrying some bread as I handed it over,
"You really shouldn't have …." She said as I replied
"No of course I do, Laura makes me ….hehe …" we both laughed as she entered the kitchen with the bread.I walked the hallways as I got to Laura's door, I knocked.
"Hey it's me …." I said as she coughed and coughed, I laughed.
"Come in …." She said as I entered cautiously, I looked at her as she looked dead.I looked around the room to see cans of energy drinks all over the place and plastic wrappers of what I assume are from hostess snacks.
"Jesus, you've been living well, hehe …." I say as she was a bit bitter and said
"Shut up …."
I laughed as she covered herself in the three different blankets she had on.She hid in them as I slowly approached and talked like an idiot.
"Oh I wonder where she went, where'd Laura go ?" I was above her with this little gift box I had as she groaned.I poked her as I asked
"What could this be ?" She laughed but groaned as she replied
"Fuck you !" I laughed as I sat aside her, she still hid as she asked
"Are you going to ask how I'm doing ?"
I scoffed and replied
"No, I could tell you look like shit ….hehe …."
She finally got out of the blankets and sat aside me as she groaned
"Shut up …." She said as she noticed the gift box.She got impatient as we sat for a second,
"Well any day now …." She said as I gave her the box.She quickly opened it, she was so ungrateful and I loved her for it.She opened it to see a little necklace with a heart pendant, she didn't look so sick anymore.
"Oh, it's very lovely….thank you …" She said as she looked over at me and reached for a hug.I got up quickly as I replied
"Oh, gotta be safe now, hehe …" she got bitter as she angrily put on the necklace.I can see it in her eyes that she's furious at such a simple requests being denied; fuck it.
"Alright, come here !" I yelled as I leaped over and got her in a bear hug.I swept her off her feet as we twirled, she laughed as she began to cough.I didn't care, we locked eyes again as she was leaning in for a kiss but I had a limit now.
"Whoa, okay that's maybe too much…" she seemed agreeable to that as I laid her back on her bed and sat aside her.She laid there as she felt her necklace around her neck, I looked around the room.
"So, you hungry, want me to bring you something ?" I asked as she said childish way
"Nope …."
I looked at her drawer aside her bed as I saw a Polaroid camera.I got it as I had it ready, she got up and sat aside me.She saw as she gave such s death stare, I took the picture with a smile as the flash hit.
I snapped back out of this memory as I hear a student yell "aye Dolton, breaks over man …."
He walked back inside the building as I was shocked, I finished my honeybun and chugged my soda as I headed back inside.I got to the elevator as I was the only in there, I was so bored.I mean I'm getting an education but it also depends on the attention span.If you don't focus then you missed it, then you're falling behind on work and boom you spend another month in here.I heard of a guy who should've been on the field already but didn't pass a module.Well I got back into class as the teacher was with some students as they work on a machine.I just can't wait for this day to be over.I sat there as I dozed off and felt I was at a loss.I noticed the teacher was walking out with some students to the other room to work on another machine.
"Hey you coming man ?" Asked Fred as I replied
"I'll go right now …." He left with the others as it was just me in the class.There's this torch that sits next to a work station, I had this idea.
I had a joint and so I figured maybe, just maybe it'll work; I mean it has to work.I got it out as I flip the valve on the torch and had its flame on.You must know which valve to turn first then know how much you give out and give in to get the right type of heat, if you do it wrong you'd sometime get a little pop noise.I'm hoping that doesn't occur, I had the joint ready.I took quick puffs to get it out the way as I started to get a big hit in.It felt irritating as my throat itched, oh my god.I haven't felt a high like this in years, it feels like I'm a kid again.
I finished up as I quickly hurried as I turned off the torch and ran to the restroom.This place is like a maze of delusion sometimes.I got in as I got in a stall with windows facing the parking lot.I opened the window as I continued to puff and puff, I haven't felt so stress free.The class should still be in the other room, they usually spend the rest of the day there.I got about 20 minutes left till I can clock out, finally.I sat there as I reflected back on life, all that's occurred in such short time.I lost friends and lost some I considered family, maybe it was meant to be.You never really are successful or have accomplished much, there's never an end goal.I didn't notice some ants crawling on my hand, how the hell did they get there.I let them crawl around as one stood still, he bit me; asshole.
"Ahh -" I whispered as I flicked away every ant on me.
I looked out the window as I just stared down, I could really just jump.I could just give my parents More grief and Laura a broken heart.I felt the gust of wind and the breeze was blowing.I saw birds pass by in a group as I put my foot on the window frame as I teased it.I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes, I was about to but,
"Hey, hey ! You almost done in there !" Said a man as they knocked my stall door.I stopped as I almost accidentally fell,
"Yea, hold on man …" I replied as I got back and look at the floor and felt embarrassed.
I opened the stall to see no one there, I was confused.I walked as I looked to see each stall is open, none were occupied.I got to the faucet and aggressively and cautiously washed my hands.I was breathing heavily as I got out of the place.I walked the hallways quickly as I got back into class, I see they've all come back.They're all packing up as they signed out, how long have I been gone ? I assume they didn't pay no mind to the smell as most men in here are weed heads.All most talk about is getting high or thinking of getting high, either way they still put 100% focus on this field of work.
"Time to go I guess …." Said Fred as I got in line to sign out.I saw the teacher cleaning up with a broom as he was sweeping up small pieces of copper.It was my turn as I signed a paper and put the time I left, 1:00 pm.I got my backpack and walked out to meet up with some guys at the elevator.It arrived as we entered, it was full as some guys waited and said
"We'll catch the next one !" The doors closed as it was silent, I looked over to a man who looked frustrated.The doors opened as we all awkwardly got out, I somehow got out last as we left the building.Some men gave their farewells as I walked the parking lot to get to my car.
I got to the car as I entered, I looked around to see other men exit.I waited a moment as I started up the car, I drove out.I got on the street as I was heading home, I think Laura should be there.The radio plays " What's My Name " by DMX and I loved every second of it.I got home as traffic was simple and the streets were more tamed.I walked in as I headed straight for my room, there she was.
"How was school ?" She asked as she was watching tv.I left my backpack on the floor as I jumped into bed with her,
"It was alright …." I said as I felt so calm.It's absurd that this occurred mainly due to the fact I would've been dead an hour ago.I got up a bit as I went on and cuddled with Laura as I felt such a relief.She was a bit stubborn but allowed it As we laid together and watched tv together.I'm now more excited for the premiere of the movie, I'm just thrilled.