Audrey didn't want to accept the fact that Dean was gone, for a whole 6 days she went back and front from her house, to Dean's, to work, but Dean wasn't in any of those places
On the seventh day she didn't bother getting out of bed, she couldn't bare it anymore, she couldn't continue lying to her self.
'Dean just went somewhere he'll be back'
'i must be late, that's why I missed him'
For those past 6 days Audrey cried herself to sleep, Everytime she went over from work to Dean's place and she didnt see him her heart ached worse. Mr m always asked if him, but she didn't know what to tell him, what excuse could she give.
She cried till she couldn't breathe anymore but that didn't stop her tears,the loneliness and emptiness she felt was so overwhelming, she felt physical pain.
Even before she developed feelings for Dean, everyday she was always eager to meet up with him. At the beginning when they started to get to know each other, they were both reserved. Audrey didn't want to look weak infront of Dean, and Dean didn't want to look soft infront of Audrey. After a while of hanging out and getting to know each other more, they became closer than ever. It started of as them seeing each other as siblings, but as time went by and they grew older they saw each other more than that.
Weeks had passed and Dean hadn't called or come over to see Audrey. For those past weeks Audrey started skipping school and work, to the point that she didn't get out of her bed unless she really needed to.
She began to loose weight due to her excessive lost of appetite, and that cause her to be lean extremely. She became so lean, she looked as tho she was suffering from a deadly disease, all her bones bulging out. Her beautifully shaped body lost its shape, dark circles grew under her eyes due to lack of sleep and crying most of the time. How could she sleep, anytime she closed her eyes, she would always see him.
Dean invaded her thoughts and mind, memories she try so hard to suppress deep down pops up. His warm smile, his luring laugh, all hunted her.
All she wanted was to have him all to herself, all she needed was him back in my life and the thought of him never returning always teared her up. She always see flashes of their happy moments together.
"He truly loved me but i was a fool to see it on time",Audrey cried badly.
....
4 months had passed since Dean left, last month she decided to check again, maybe he had come back, but no luck.
The only physical memory she had of him was the chain he left, she kept the chain closer than ever.
Is there really a point to keep living? Mom's gone, dad's gone, so is Dean, she thought.
Thoughts of many ways to end her misery flash in her mind, it got to a point she wanted to actualized them. If the pain won't go, I'll silence it permanent ,Audrey thought.
With great difficulty Audrey got out of bed, she dragged her self to the bathroom turning the tub on. She let the bathtub fill up with water, until it was filled to the brim.
With out pulling her clothes off, she climbed in. She laid at the bottom of the tub holding her breath, she held it till she couldn't anymore.
Her chest began to hurt due to lack of air, but even with that she didn't rise to take air, she was determined to end it all here. She opened her eyes looking up at the ceiling through the water, as she began to loose consciousness. After a few struggles she finally gave in, she should feel her conscious slipping away.
finally could this be it? My final breathe, she thought closing her eyes falling unconscious.
The water stopped moving as she laid motionless at the bottom of the water, her hair floating up. She stayed there for hours, till the day turned night.
Thinking she had finally left the world and her sorrows behind, she opened her eyes. She gasped out of the water wiping her face with her hands as she fought for air, " No! how is this possible? I'm not supposed to wake up after this!".
This brought Audrey to tears, it was scary at the same time confusing. She's supposed to be dead by now, should she have just jumped in a lake tying both her hands and legs.
She carried herself up from the tub, water dripping from the tub and her body. The activity drained her body badly, it felt so heavy for her to carry. She tried stepping forward but she fell to the ground,she didn't bother getting up. She just laid there, tears pouring down her eyes as she sniffs, the bathroom floor was so cold, her wet self made the cold more.
"Wh-y?",she sobbed her head hurting and her eyes closed. Few words that Dean said echoed in her mind, those words went through her like an arrow shot to her heart.
….
It's been six months now since Dean had left,it took a big toll on Audrey,she really let herself go.
She didn't bother to bath nor brush unless she really needed to,she lost the will to do alot and most especially the essential things.
She hadn't taken a bath in a while and the smell kept accumulating,It accumulated till she couldn't stand the smell she eminated. She last time she remembered showering was a few weeks ago, she didn't know when to be precise. She finally agreed to herself that she needed a change of everything that was on her, her hair sticky and dry, her face filled with acne and spots, her breathe felt terrible. She couldn't yawn with out squinting her face, she knew it was time for a clean up.
With great difficulty she got out of bed, it took a good amount of strength to get up. It felt as tho she was glued to the bed cause as she stood up, she had her body size shape on the bed.
She wore her slippers, took her necessary things and headed to the bathroom.
She dragged her feet to the sink, placed her hands on both edges and look straight at the mirror. She really looked terrible, deep dark circles under her eyes, her once clear skin looked so pale and crack, dark spots, huge pimples and open pores. Her once healthy curly hair is now tangled, dirty and smelling. I mean you could literally see dirt and dandruff on it and any attempt to brush her hair would result either to the brush breaking or a large chunk of her hair cutting. She opened her mouth revealing her teeth, her poor teeth hygiene caused her weak gum, making her gum bleed. She had really lost a lot of weight, her once plumpy self now looked as tho she can be carried away by breeze.
She brushed her teeth looking at her self one last time before heading to the shower. Flashes of her last suicide attempts few months ago played in her head, it would have been a success but she didn't know what happened.
She was to exhausted to started thinking of what happened, so she pulled off her towel then sat in the bathtub. Before she brushed, she had turned on the tap, mixing the water hot, but not enough to burn her skin. She laid in the tub, resting her head back as the water felt nice on her skin.
Over the 6 month that went by her dream differed. The first few months all she dreamt about was Dean, mostly their times and memories together. As time went on the dreams became less, she only have few dreams about him. Then a month ago, she stopped dreaming. Her dreams were blank, everywhere and everything black, no light, no sound, Just darkness. Sometimes she'd lay on what seems to be the floor, looking up at nothing but darkness or sometimes she thinks back to how things where when Dean was around.
Sleep wasn't actually sleep anymore because she couldn't feel the satisfaction or relief it held anymore, before when she had cried till her eyes were sore, she close her eyes praying for sleep cause it didn't come easy.
"what have i become?", Audrey asked herself opening her eyes, staring blankly at the ceiling.
She felt so tired, so she closed her eyes. First thing she saw was Dean smiling at her, it's been a while since I've dreamt about you or anything,she said to herself smiling back. Dean began to walk away, "wait", she called out walking behind.
He picked up the pace leaving her far behind, she began to run but still couldn't catch to him. "Wai-", the ground open swallowing her in. She found herself in water being pulled deeper and deeper.
She couldn't breathe, she felt suffocated. Audrey held her neck as she struggled and struggled for air till she was down to her last breath. Her eyes began to close, she opened her eyes waking up from whatever she dreamt about, immediately she gasped out of the water taking in long and deep air. She coughed and coughed wiping the water that drip down her face with her hands.
The water in the tub had already turned cold, Audrey stood up, unclogged the plug in the tub letting all the water drain out.
She picked the bar of soap that laid on slab and applied it on her wash cloth, she scrubbed her body as tho she'd peel it. When she saw she had scrubbed all the necessary part, she rinsed herself.
For the past few months she stopped going to school and work. She couldn't go back there, she couldn't stand or bare it, to see the cause of her situation right now, and definitely not while she's looked like her problems.
Back then when she went to school, she got lots of questions from lecturers.
"Are you alright there?", asked a lecturer
"Do you need assistance, health wise?", asked another.
So many questions asked but she didn't know how or what to reply. She tried her possible best to hide from Luca, anytime she'd see him, she would change her direction. Luca knew Audrey avoided him and It hurt every single time, before he'd call out her name she has raced to another direction. Got to the point he didn't see her at school anymore, he wanted to visit but he didn't know where she lived.
Everything felt meaningless to her, she began to sleep frequently non stop, to escape reality. Anytime she couldn't sleep, she would just stare at the ceiling till it came. And when it did come she'd always prayed it lasted longer than the last, she got so engrossed in it that it became part of her daily routine. it was her only routine, aside resenting herself.