Okay, let's set things straight first.
So you're all here to know about me. But how in the world are you even reading this stuff? You have to sadist to want to get into my life story.
And I kinda think it's a breach of my personal rights and freedom but since you're so curious to know about me, I guess I can tell you about me.
But just so you know, my life has been full of different kinds of sh*t. Oh, I'm sorry, I used a nasty word.
Let me rephrase that.
My life has been filled with all sorts of hmm. What would be the right word? Hmm, let me see.
MY life has been filled with all sorts of gore. Yes, that's the word. gore.
Now, what I'm trying to say is that my life is completely Rated-18. So if you know you can't handle it, get the hell out of my face.
Now that we're done with the basic information, let me introduce myself.
My name is Bruce Kent. I can feel you laughing at my name right now. WHY THE F ARE YOU LAUGHING AT MY NAME. I didn't ask for the name, my dumb parents gave it to me.
Before we continue, let me make one thing clear.
Don't you ever, EVER, make fun of my name. What do I mean by that?? I mean don't call me batman or Bruce Wayne because my first name is Bruce. And don't call me superman or Clark kent because my last name is Kent.
If you ever do this, then you'll have no one, and I repeat no one to blame but yourself for whatever happens to you!
Oh, I'm so sorry I lashed out. It's not like you would make fun of my name right? Now, where was I?
"You just said your f*cking name you dumbass."
"Barb, how many times do I have to tell you not to use the F word. And especially not when I'm narrating my story to these people who are willing to listen."
"What?? Why the f*ck and who the f*ck would want to listen to your stupid stories? Isn't that kinda dumb?"
Urgh!!... I guess I can't tell you about me without including her.
Everyone, meet Barb. My in-home Artificial Intelligence. You can say she's my electronic personal assistant, like a smart house. Only she's smart house, smart work, smart internet, well I think you get the gist. She's smart everything. I designed and developed her myself, but then I regretted it later.
She has no respect for me or anyone else.
I think I might have made her overconfident by giving her unlimited access to every internet connection. I spent a lot of money making her. Well, she's worth her cost, I mean Barb can hack into any system, in any country, particularly I made her perfect.
Maybe too perfect. She's like Google, only better. I'm a genius.
"You could have just said I'm awesome, you don't have to include yourself in it."
"Shut up Barb!!"
"You shut up, you're not the boss of me you moronic midget"
"I am not a midget, don't call me a moron. And yes I am the boss of you, I frigging made you with my own hands, so I own you."
"No you don't, and also you're a midget. Because guys your age and younger are at least 6.2ft tall, but you're just a f*cking Pygmy."
"Stop calling me names Barb, and I think 5.8ft is an absolutely wonderful height for a man. Any taller and I'll be looking like a frigging electricity pole."
"Just keep on giving yourself hope. You know I'm right, you'll never have a girlfriend with that height. Every girl wants taller guys."
"How do you know what every girl wants?"
"I'm a girl, I may not have feelings, but I do know what a perfect man is."
"You're not a girl, you're just a computer. And you more than anyone know that I've had lots of girlfriends before."
"Yeah right. And what happened to those poor souls?"
She pisses me off most times by calling me names, arguing with me, and reminding me of my relationship status. And it's more annoying because I programmed her with an accent, so her insults kinda go really deep.
And I've destroyed her once, but then I realized ironically she was the only woman in my life. And the only one who was willing to tell me the truth. And tragically my only true friend.
"The only woman in your life is correct, and the only one to tell you the truth is right. But I don't think I consider you a friend."
"Would you just let me finish?"
"Okay, f*cking talk"
"Thank you. And would you please stop using the F word?"
Of course I built her back after I destroyed her. And yes, it cost a lot of money.
Now before I was interrupted, I was talking about myself. I already told you my name, so what else...
Oh okay, I'm thirty years old, and the Vice president of the biggest tech company in Prime City. Kent's Tech.
I'm sure you've guessed, but my dad is the president of the multi-billion company.
"You're no Vice president, you're just the disgraced and unwanted sperm of your father."
"Barb, I'm warning you, I will shut you down."
"What? I just wanted you to be sincere with these f*cking dimwits that are willing to read about you."
"My sincerity is non of your business. It's my story for Christ's sake. And don't call them names, or you'll chase them away."
"Oh Bullocks, you took the Lord's name in vain, but okay, okay, lie to them. I won't say another word."
"You already told them I was lying, now I'll have to tell them the whole truth."
I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to lie to you. I just didn't want to seem like a loser in front of you.
So here's the real truth. Yes, my father is the president of Kent's Corp, but I'm not the Vice president. I'm just a director in one of the small departments where we design smartwatches.
According to that old man, try imagining Morgan Freeman's voice in your head as you read this part... "Bruce, to be a leader, you have to learn from the bottom, you have to learn what it feels like to be a worker. You have to crawl up the ladder, making it high up through your own blood, sweat and tears." End of quote.
So that's what I'm doing. I'm working my way up. Only I've been stuck in that stupid position for years. Those old people that have positions, and are on the way that leads to the top just won't die so another younger person can move a step forward.
It just makes me so mad that such old geezers would still be working, dragging positions and power with young fresh blood like myself.
Okay back to my story, I was born and raised in Prime City, My mother passed away when I was five, in a fire. I have no older or younger siblings. Sadly I'm an only child.
"Did you really have to add that part? You already told them you had no siblings, we get the gist. So why did you still have to emphasize that you're an only child?"
"Barb I thought you said you'd shut up."
"And I did, for like two whole minutes."
"BARB, WOULD YOU PLEASE LET ME TELL MY OWN Story!!"
"Okay, fine. I was just worried about them wasting their time on such rubbish."