I want to be free and I don't want to feel guilty anymore if I make Mom and Dad hurt.
"It's just like this! Later when I get paid I can buy a new one!" I said while tidying my backpack so that it could be closed neatly, I only brought my clothes as needed because I brought more books for my college, for me it was more important than my clothes.
After feeling tidy with my backpack, I stepped closer to my bedroom window, my eyes were far away from the road in front of my house, for a moment there was a thought in my head if I wanted to get out of this house through my bedroom window only.
"Aaah... no! that's not true! Don't let you do stupid things like that Letta! Because if you do that you are the same as your father who acts without thinking carefully!"
My little heart is now starting to scold me because of the crazy intentions I'm thinking about right now.
Right now my heart is really racing because my mind is getting branched and imagining things that I shouldn't be imagining.
"Knock... Knock... Knock... Sis Letta, let's eat sis... it's already noon!" The sound of knocking on the door and a call from Laurent surprised me, I really didn't expect the time to move so fast, my eyes immediately turned to the clock on the wall that was right above my bedroom door.
It turns out that I have wasted my time in vain today, my time has run out from this morning until now just to think and also to fight against my little heart.
"Sis Letta....let's go out, eat first sis... you'll get sick!" Laurent's voice came again from behind my bedroom door.
makes myself feel awkward to meet her, maybe because I think if this is my last meeting with her.
Whereas previously I had planned to leave this house before he came back from school, but apparently I still remained silent in this room until she came home from school and now I make myself go awry if I have to deal with her..
"Sis.... Sis Letta... this is Laurent, buying your favorite drink... ! Come on, sis... open the door...!"
Laurent's whimpering voice began to sound in my ears, making me not want to see the look on his face, because he would definitely make me melt with my intentions.
"Laurent, come on.. eat first honey, aren't you hungry!? You haven't showered since last night, don't you smell bad!"
I was silent for a moment hearing Mother's voice which finally called me, but Mother's sweet words made me even more suspicious that there was something behind Mother's current kindness to me.
"Knock... Knock... Knock... ! Letta... come on out honey, you're not fainting from hunger inside, are you?!"
Mother's words had made me laugh a little because can still invite me to joke.
"Lord, is this a sign that YOU gave me? So that I think about my intentions again?"
In this little heart of mine, now I begin to ask about all the kindness that Mother and Laurent have shown me. These lips are still silent, it seems unable to answer all their questions.
I approached my bedroom window again and saw the sun was getting farther away. I feel my hands are now starting to feel weak and my breath is getting weaker because now my mind and heart are starting to have different opinions.
"God, give me guidance from You, so that I don't make wrong decisions and move forward... God actually I'm afraid.... but, I'm even more afraid if my father and mother never change towards me. I have many dreams and also my hopes for the outside world are very much, God.... what should I do??"
With eyes that continue to look at the sun that is starting to move away from my room, I ask God for guidance, because now fear has started to come in my soul and anxiety has started to enter me.
Between the departures that I planned or should I return to my father and mother as I always did, in order to make my father and mother not hurt and make myself not a disobedient child.
"Sis Letta... please answer Laurent! Laurent wants to hear Sis Letta voice...!"
Laurent's innocent voice sounded like a whip skinning my body. because in his voice there is a burden that I must bear for him.
The burden of being an older sister who must be responsible for being a good sister to her, the burden of being a sister as a place to complain and share when she needs a friend and as a person who can be trusted for herself.
"Oh my God....".
With a resigned voice and covering my face with my hands, I finally kneeled in front of my bedroom window. Now I really can't seem to look out the window anymore. because part of my heart is still stuck here.
I don't know what to do now. I really want to leave this house but I can't afford to leave Laurent and Julian here because I don't want their fate to be the same as mine.
Finally, without realizing it, tears rolled down my cheeks. Tears that I haven't shed since yesterday because I was determined to be able to change my future.
And now finally all is lost and can only surrender because of the circumstances and the reality that I have to face.
I don't know anymore when I meet Dad who will argue with me again, especially after Dad met Hansen I don't understand what answer Mom and Dad want to hear out of my mouth.
"Aaaaahkk..... what should I do to deal with all this!"
now I can only scream in my heart, and can only express it while pulling my hair. Because I can't imagine what will happen next in my life.
"Letta... ! Knock... Knock... Knock.. !! Are you okay?! Why are you silent, Letta, let's eat first!"
Mother's voice came back to wake me from all the thoughts that were almost driving me crazy.
Finally I took this step slowly to approach the door of my room... stepped to face a problem that I still can't imagine in my mind.
----->
Dear friends of my reader, I beg to you all who love the contents of this story, please help me with his vote and also its reviews, so I am getting spirit to write the story again ....
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Thank you for all support to me.
Best regards,
CHAND.
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