I don't want to be weak because in terms of my age, I'm actually no longer a child who must always be protected or restrained by Mom and Dad. Maybe this Hansen problem is a way for me to be able to plan for the future I've always wanted.
"Huuuufttt.... !"
I sighed again as my hand grabbed my favorite pink gaming bench and then I sat down casually on it because I was getting ready to eat the food that Julian had prepared for me.
"Pink... maybe this is our last meeting, I hope you will continue to be cared for and used properly...!" I said while stroking the gaming bench that I'm currently sitting on.
Actually I find it hard to leave all the things in my room, because all the things in this room I bought with my own sweat, so I honestly admit that I really want to take all these things with me .
5 spoons of food has entered my mouth and now it feels like I can no longer hold back the tears that I had been holding in for a long time.
Even though I've tried not to cry and brag that I won't remember all the attention Julian and Laurent gave me.
Still I can't lie to my heart that I will miss them both so much and I won't be able to turn myself away from them both.
This food tasted in my mouth became bitter, like my heart was starting to become broken and helpless.
"Letta! Come out quickly...! I want to talk to you!"
My father's voice called out to me from behind my bedroom door.
I immediately wiped my tears and pressed my eyes hoping that I wouldn't look like I was crying in front of Dad later.
"Huuuufttt... !"
I took a deep breath again while thinking whether I should meet my father right now or should I get out of my bedroom window right now, to be honest right now my mind is confused and my eyes feel blind because I don't know what's going on. I have to do it now first.
I know if I meet Dad first then I have to prepare my heart seriously because my heart will definitely hurt and my body will become weak because I can't do anything in front of Mom and Dad and this tongue feels stiff because unable to say any more in front of Father and Mother, because I know after all that Father and Mother always feel they are the most correct and what they say is all true.
"Letta! Come out quickly...!"
Dad's voice sounded louder now calling me.
I immediately got up from my gaming chair,
because Dad can't wait to meet me.
I walked slowly to the mirror next to my closet first, I tried to look in the mirror to see myself carefully, because I wanted to look at myself one more time and asked myself if I could afford to meet Dad or should I run away from home right now.
"Hmmmm.... Letta, whatever happens, meet Mom and Dad, after that you make the best decision for yourself".
In front of myself I encourage myself to be brave and able to face my father and mother.
I closed my bedroom door while taking a deep breath again, my heart was beating very fast and I felt my hands shaking when I held the doorknob of my room.
"Letta... you have to be strong!"
I encouraged myself again so that I wouldn't look scared in front of Mom and Dad and also so that I wouldn't be curious about what really happened when Dad met Hansen at the Mall earlier.
My eyes immediately fell on Dad who was already sitting on the sofa in the living room and it was obvious from the look on Dad's face that Dad couldn't wait for me. Then Mother, who is sitting to the right of Dad, looks busy with the magazine in her hand but actually Mother is also waiting for me.
Incidents like this are like De Ja Vu to me because they repeat themselves over and over again, I often think and wonder, was my previous life really so unlucky that I was born into this world to atone for all the sins I never committed ?! just to defend myself I always feel like a statue that can't do anything.
It was all because I was up against an opponent I couldn't fight at all.
If I have an enemy out there maybe I can still beat him or reply to his words but what I'm facing is my parents who make me unable to move and can't do anything, especially if Mom has said about karma then what happens is that I have to beg to be forgiven and be forgiven for all the mistakes that sometimes make my heart scream because the mistakes I have never done or are just trivial things.
"Letta, you must have known that Father today met the lover of your pride!!" said Dad, looking at my face sharply.
Honestly, these feet immediately took a step back when they heard it because Dad said to me without letting myself sit on the sofa first.
"Letta, you have to be honest with mom and dad, how long have you been dating that Hansen," Mom said directly, as if not giving me time to breathe or replying to Dad's questions.
"Mom... what should Letta say, because Letta and Hansen are not dating!" I answered.
"Heeiii...!!! You're feeling great, aren't you...!! You've dared to fight Mom with a voice that yells like THAT!!!" Mother said in a louder tone to me, because she thought I had yelled at Mother when in fact I didn't do it but it all just came out because I wanted to defend myself.
"Hansen just told Father that he is your boyfriend! Why do you still persist in lying Letta!!"
My eyes could only stare at Dad with a look I couldn't believe, when Dad told me about Hansen.
----->
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Best regards,
CHAND.
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