My eyes could only stare at Dad with a look I couldn't believe, when Dad told me about Hansen.
Honestly, I really want Hansen to be here with me because I really want to ask if what Dad said is true or is it just a trap that Dad gave me to make me obey Dad.
I'm really like a lifeless body right now, because I don't know what I'm going to do or say to Dad, because now I feel like I'm standing between 2 abyss that are both waiting for me to fall.
If I go against Father's words because they are not true, but I am also afraid that Hansen actually said that to Father.
"Oooh God, help me... !" I screamed in my heart, because I really couldn't stand my Mom and Dad.
I can only be silent, standing looking at Mom and Dad while clenching my hands on the sides of my right and left thighs, trying to contain my anger and trying to be able to forgive all these words that hurt my heart.
My mouth feels locked by the words I can't say to Mom and Dad. Honestly, I really don't know how to get back at Mom and Dad's words and how can I defend myself? Is it true that Hansen said that to Father? or maybe Hansen said all that because Dad had scared him so he said that to get rid of Dad's threats, or maybe Dad said that to me just to trick me into confessing what Dad want!? but.... what should I admit?! if I really have nothing at all with Hansen.
Hansen could say that to Dad because he likes me or maybe he loves me, but me! I don't really like him, I don't know who he is, let alone I have to love him! should I fool myself, just to please Mom and Dad, No!!! I don't want to be like that... ! now I have to be myself, I'm not a child anymore.... !
This heart continues to beat and makes it harder for my chest to breathe, because now I have to make my choice to answer Mom and Dad.
"Letta, you have to admit it and you don't have to lie to Mom and Dad anymore. That Hansen has told Dad everything he hasn't hidden anything from Dad. You know... if Hansen had a steady job and was older from you, maybe Dad can accept him as your lover and give him the responsibility so he can take care of you, but it turns out... it's a shame that everything didn't match our expectations as your parents, Hansen's job is not fixed and his age is too still too young and very far below you, so... how can I accept him to be your lover". said Dad, smiling sarcastically at me.
Honestly, I'm getting dizzy and confused listening to all of Dad's words because I really don't understand why they are like this to me. Even though I'm his daughter and I didn't say anything about Hansen to Dad at all but Dad so easily he accused me and attacked me with words like a knife stabbed in my heart right now.
"Father, maybe this is Letta's self-defense for the last time, between Letta and Hansen there is absolutely no relationship whatsoever, Letta doesn't know Hansen so let alone love him for the sake of liking him, Letta isn't there. When Dad found Letta with Hansen that was the first time Letta met Hansen and Letta didn't say anything to him at that time because at that time the two of us didn't have time to talk for a long time because Dad suddenly came and grabbed Letta's hand to go home with Dad. These are all answers that Letta honestly told Mom and Dad, so Letta hopes that Mom and Dad can trust Letta not trust anyone else."
With the courage that had built up inside of me, I said everything to Mom and Dad.
Those are all true circumstances and that is what actually happened between me and Hansen neither exaggeration nor underestimation. Right now I don't care anymore if Dad doesn't want to accept all my words.
"LETTA....!! so what you mean is that your father is the most guilty for taking you home at that time!!".
Father spoke very loudly in response to my words then Dad immediately stood up from his seat and looked at me with glaring eyes
"Letta, try to say it one more time, what do you mean by telling Dad to believe in you and not in anyone else...?!"
Mother's voice sounded low but it was enough to make this house feel like an instant earthquake, because I had not yet replied to what Dad said, now Mother has directly asked me questions which makes me feel like I just want to die because I have gone awry and don't feel valued at all in this house.
"Father! Mother! why are you two always like this?!" I said, then I immediately ran into my room.
I immediately slammed my body on the bed, this time I was no longer strong enough to hold back the tears and the sound of my heart screaming.
"God....! why did I have to be born here??? why do I have to live in this family!!" I screamed in a low voice.
I spilled all my tears onto the pillow that always accompanies me when I'm really desperate.
This pillow was once a big problem in my life, because this pillow was a gift for my 17th birthday from one of my male friends at school, and that incident made me want to kill myself.
But it turns out that Mom and Dad are still like that to me, they both haven't changed at all and are getting worse.
"Knock... knock... knock! Sis Letta... Sis Letta, this is Laurent, can Laurent come in?!"
Laurent's voice stopped me from crying in an instant.
----->
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Best regards,
CHAND.
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