It's been long time since I had hangover. The drive from his apartment to the loft didn't take that long.
"Do you have somewhere to go? It might take long before I can get ready…" I wanted to invite him up, but it might get awkward. He has a smirk on his face now.
"Is this really awkward for you?" He asked.
"Honestly, yes. It feels a little uncomfortable," I replied honestly.
"I'm going to the office, to check on my team. They have been working since last night."
"Sorry. I'll let you know when I'm ready. Thank you, again."
"Sorry...thank you...I had enough of those coming from you..." he muttered, almost whispering. I didn't hear what he said, but he looked so disappointed when he left.
I took shower to freshen up. I am thinking what's keeping me against the idea of being close to him. Have I not sworn to myself to do what makes me happy?
How will I ever know where these feelings will take me if I am too scared to take a step forward in the first place? He is clearly trying to get close to me, why would I not try to open up to what he is planning before totally dismissing him. I was lost in my thoughts when I received Prof Kim's call. I almost forgot the dinner with them tonight,
"Ara, it's Myeong-dae, if you want to come a little earlier to have tea, you're welcome to come by 4 in the afternoon…."
"That would be nice, but I think I have a lunch date and I might finish a little late…"
"Date? Hmmm…who could that be?" I know it's too late now. Knowing this couple, they will be tormenting me for information until I spill it all out.
"I don't know if it's a date, but I'm having lunch with Jae-woo…"
"Whoa, really? Is it finally happening?"
Is it finally happening? What could be happening between me and him? The Kims, Soo-ah and even Nan-do and Seo-hyun are all hoping that we are going to sort out whatever our feelings are towards each other. I don't know what gave them the impression that something will ever happen. Or am I the only one trying to avoid it?
"What could be happening, finally?"
"Bring him at dinner…" she suggested.
"I don't think, he has time…he seems too busy to even have lunch…"
"He will not be busy for you, I'm sure" her voice has a hint of taunting.
"..."
"Come on. You are a smart person to be too dense. Anyway, enjoy your lunch, see you later."
I just shook my head in disbelief. All this people are cheering us up. But what could I do? I'm totally dense. That or I'm really just not ready.
I look inside my fridge to check if there's anything to cook for lunch. If I am to talk to him and open up, it would be better to invite him here and give a glimpse of who I am in a more private space. If I am to open up, I wanted to start in a comfortable setting. My fridge almost ran out of the basics, of course it is the end of the month and I won't be staying here for a week.
I am determined to cook lunch. So, I headed to the supermarket to get some groceries. I was at the supermarket when I receive his reply.
"Hi, how are you feeling?" he greeted.
"Better. Are you busy?"
"I let my team go, so I am just testing the progress of what they did…"
"Am I interrupting?"
"I'm almost done. So, no worries."
"What do you want for lunch?"
"You decide. I'm up for anything…"
"I'll meet you up at my place after an hour, would you be ready then?"
"Of course, see you."
Would it be hard for me to consider this man? Why would I hesitate? Is it not part of being happy, to be scared of being hurt? How would we know what it felt like to love if we don't want to open up because of the fear of getting hurt?
I bought baby carrots and salmon fillet. If I am going for dinner at the Kims tonight, I better have a light lunch. I planned to make baked salmon crusted with mustard and pistachios and caramelized baby carrots, with apple, celery, fennel and dill salad, and made my own sweet and sour summer salad dressing. I'll also make a coconut panna cotta for dessert.
Didn't they say that the quickest way to a man's heart is though his stomach? Would he not take a hint if I made him lunch? I perfected the panna cotta and is now sitting on the fridge. I started crusting the salmon when he called. I checked at the time and it is past quarter past 12.
"I am headed to your place now, should I make a reservation anywhere?"
"You were really busy, aren't you?"
"I'm sorry."
"No worries. And you don't need to make a reservation anywhere, I'll take care of lunch…see you."
I met him by the entrance 15 minutes later. The security of the building is really strict, you needed to have visitor's censor chip in order to get in the basement parking and of course he can't come up the penthouse without a chip or passcode as well. He was surprise to see me waiting for him. It's also probably because I am not wearing clothes to go out. I am wearing a cardigan over my midi wrap around dress and only a loafer, so in this cold weather I am not wearing an outfit to go out.
"You need this in the front, to get in the basement…" I handed him the card; his expression looks confused.
"Aren't we going to have lunch?" he is still confused.
"We'll have lunch here; I hope you don't mind…"
Would this gesture enough for him to understand that I'm trying to open up?
"Welcome to my lair…" I joked in order the clear the air. I escorted him at the dining table, where it was already set for lunch.
"I didn't expect to be treated with a very personal experience…"
"It's a thank you for taking care of me last night, it's the least I can do…"
His smile turned a bit sour after hearing my remark.
"Is there anything I can help you with?" he offered unenthusiastically.
"You can just sit down and relax; you must have been tired."
"I should be enjoying this, but I feel weird somehow…" he blurted.
"Am I making you uncomfortable?"
"Anxious."
"You wanted to talk right? We can eat first; I also want to talk to you…"
Suddenly, his mood turned uneasy. I'm not sure how to start the conversation, but at least I wanted to make the atmosphere lighter.
"Are you possibly allergic to nuts?" I asked.
"I don't have food allergies, fortunately."
"I don't know what you usually eat for lunch. I made a light lunch; I hope it's enough…"
"This look fancy, who needed a restaurant food if you can have a fancy food here…" I think he's trying to crack a joke to break the ice.
"Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment. Velbekomme.."
There was an awkward silence while eating. I swear I can almost hear every chewing and crunch of the salad.