Procrastination. Nope, I am not delaying the inevitable. I want to believe that I stayed in Denmark a week more than necessary to settle everything from my book, to the restaurant, to polishing my thesis. Just to get my head as far away as Seoul and everything that has to do with it. But no matter how much I wanted to believe that things will get better on their own. I really needed to face it head on.
Chris gave a proper summary of what's going on. Before they can even do damage control, it seemed that Jae-woo had taken it upon himself to meet up with Ku Yeojin and whatever it is that they agreed about, it might have been good enough to keep the papz out of my way. Atleast for now.
I'm an hypocrite like that. Always telling myself that I would start living my life for myself. But I still get scared when my status quo is being shaken. And I left him to fend for himself yet again. If I were him, I would totally just let me go. The thought of him letting me go left a bitter taste on me. But this again is a choice that I have to endure.
Just like that, I went back to Seoul in my otherwise boring lecturer's life. For a month, I thought things will just go as bland and boring until he showed up yet again.
It was ordinary Saturday when I came back from my run with Carlos and Laura when I saw him by the lobby. I am keen on avoiding him but I don't want to look childish and I can see how haggard he looked. I am sure that we are safe at my place since nobody really knows about him in here.
"Are you here for me?" It was an awkward question, but how could I have approach him otherwise? It's been a month since we saw each other.
"I could have message you, to give you a heads up. But I could have also sent you a warning to avoid me. So, I showed up. I know you'll get done with your run right at this time."
"I just came back from my business trips. I came here as soon as I arrived." He can read minds now?
"Do you want to come up for a coffee?"
Without waiting for his reply, I started to walk to the elevator. Sure, he's not as idiot as me, he followed. The elevator ride was the most awkward I have felt an elevator ride ever. He was standing infront of me while I was fidgeting with my phone behind him. Trying so hard not to make any sound for fear that he would start talking.
"This is us...." I informed him when the elevator finally opened at the Loft.
After opening the door and giving him the slippers, I still can't bring myself to say anything, musch less to look him in the eye. I gave him a hanger to hang his coat. And everything is just so mechanical that it felt so suffocating.
"What do you want to drink? Coffee, water or juice?"
He looked at me, his lips seemed to move trying to say something. But he probably can't bring himself to start.
"Water is fine...." he ended up saying.
"You can sit anywhere you want, I will get you the water."
I didn't notice that he followed me to the kitchen and while I opened the cupboard to get a glass. I felt his hands hugging me from behind.
"I'm sorry. Please don't be like this...." I can feel the sadness in his voice. For someone like him to be this defeated, my heart instantly melted. And all the walls I thought I have built strongly seemed to be crashing down. I stood there just waiting for that moment to pass. Feeling his breath on the nook of my neck where his head is being supported.
It doesn't even occur to me that I was sweaty from all the running. I just felt so vulnerable at that moment. I don't know how long we are on that position. All I feel next was his head getting heavier on my neck and his breathing getting even.
He did just fell asleep on my neck. Poor man, he must have been too tired. Please don't ask how I supported a 185cm man from the kitchen to the sofa, I just did. I noticed that his phone has been ringing from his coat pocket from the hanger so I went to check. It was his assistant.
"It's Ara. Your boss just fell asleep on my couch, just do your work. I will drop him when he wakes up:"
"Thank you, Miss. He had not been sleeping for weeks now, and he was so adamant in coming over to you as soon as we arrive this morning." The other line explained.
How had he been living for a month to have been this tired? Should I be honored that he could feel safe with me that he could fall asleep literally anytime, anywhere?