"It's exciting but it's scary to open up to new possibilities; it's like trudging an uncertain path that will lead you to a whole lot of emotions that you might not expect and could end up hurting you."
I woke up the next morning with a sharp ray of light on my eyes and a very painful headache. I looked around and I was in a very unfamiliar room. I started to examine myself, I'm only wearing a shirt and a boxer short. I'm trying hard to remember what happened last night. The last thing I saw was his face, but was it a hallucination or was it really him? I'm hesitant to stand up and check what's going on. I'm too embarrassed to even see him right now.
I felt terrified to see that I am wearing his shirt under the covers. I saw my clothes tidily folded by the sofa in the room. I wash up and put on my clothes and quietly survey the area. I went out of the room into a hallway, I walk past 2 other doors, into the open living room, tiptoeing carefully in order not to be noticed.
"Good morning, you…." There's a hint of chortle in his voice. I was too startled, and way too embarrass to look at him now.
"Good morning…" I manage to reply.
"Did you remember to leave a note before trying to escape?" he remarked sarcastically.
"Where am I?" I asked just to divert the topic.
"If it's not me, you probably would have gone home with team leader Lee…" he teases.
"If it wasn't you, I can still hold myself before passing out…" I reiterated.
"I have seen you drank more than beer and soju, but you didn't look as drunk as last night…"
"I am just not familiar with the drink, but I can't say no. It's part of my in-house research…" I echoed his question from yesterday. He laughed.
"You always have your way with words…" he presented me with a bottle for hangover.
"Drink that, you'll be needing it for your hangover," He casually informed.
"How did you know where we are last night? Did I call you?"
"I called the team leader…"
"So, he knew you picked me up?" I gave him a dubious look.
"He's not gonna say anything…" he seemed certain.
"Where is this place?"
"Hannam The Hill." Oh, so he is living in a posh neighborhood.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For picking me up…"
"I figured, it's the only way to get you to talk with me…"
"You didn't seem too welcoming for a talk though. You have been so distant and cold every time we meet." I commented.
He looked really surprise by my remark. Then he smiled.
"As long as you're here now. I know a place for a nice brunch," he informed, and he looked at his time.
"I am not a breakfast person…"
"They'll open up in half an hour. It's brunch…" he stated. Then he gave me a cup of coffee.
"This is awkward…." I murmured; I didn't realize that he heard it.
"It would have been easier to leave a note, right?" He is pushing it.
"Hmmmp…what exactly do you want us to talk about?" I know there are unsettled feelings between us.
I am not sure if I will ever be ready to confront him but if today will be the day to finally settle what happened 3 years ago, there is no avoiding it. He took a note from the drawer and handed it to me. It was the same note I left him 3 years ago.
"How about we start from 3 years back?" Finally, he might have been holding it in for awhile. I looked at him, patiently waiting for him to continue.
"I was disappointed that morning when I found your note. I never expected you to leave that day, I would have love it if you had stayed and sort things out." So, now he doesn't want to delay the obvious topic. I know what he meant about that night, but there was a fear in me. The fear of getting too attached and not wanting to do anything else.
"I needed to sort out my emotions and make myself ready before going into a battlefield. Being with you, or someone after my failed marriage will always be a battlefield for me, and you make it more complicated, because I'm confuse with what I feel," I started my confession and he is listening, not batting an eye.
"Are you saying you're ready now?" he sounds hopeful.
"No. I'm not ready. After 3 years of pondering and overthinking at times, I realize one thing. I don't think I will ever be ready. Considering a relationship with anyone or with you is going to make my life a little more complicated. I don't think I will be ready for something like that. And I couldn't possibly make Marcus go through something like that…"
"Have you ever just let your feelings guide you? Do you really have to overthink everything?"
"I don't have the luxury to follow my heart if that's what you're trying to suggest. It's never the same when you have a child…"
"So, are you just trying to hold it in?"
"I'm sorry but I really don't know what you want from me?" I'm struggling to really control my feelings now. If I let it, I would have run and hug him right then. There's no denying the strong physical attraction I am feeling towards him. Who could resist this handsome man standing in front of me? With his tall, lean physique, chiseled jaw, those soft lips, it makes me weak. I caught his eyes, and he have that smile that makes him dreamier.
"For now, let's go to brunch…"
"I don't think I'm in a good condition to enjoy brunch though. I'm not making up excuses. I don't feel well enough to go anywhere right now. Can I just go home, first? We can just go for lunch." I offered.
He looked at me like observing my sincerity.
"That's if you're not busy…" I continued.
"Are you sure you're ok?" He suddenly shifted his skeptical gaze with a concerned look.
"I just needed to freshen up and wait up for the hangover medicine to kick in. So, I would appreciate it if you'll let me go home for a while…I'm inviting you for lunch, so there is no way I'm bailing out this time…" I assured him.
"Ok. I'll take you home."