I stared blankly at the wall for minutes, I just couldn't believe what happened. The things that happened last night kept on flashing into my mind. All the things that we shouldn't have done.
"I'm screwed," I told myself. My hands and knees are trembling. I don't know what to do. And I slept in his room, he's not here anymore, If I go out and someone sees me inside, I'm going to get screwed.
I got myself dressed up and took my things. I checked my phone and a message appeared there. The text was sent by Zach.
[6:30 am
I told them that you slept in my room after getting drunk while telling me everything. Just come out naturally, pretend that nothing happened]
What kind of lame excuse was that? Will his family buy that?
KNOCK KNOCK!
I felt like my soul left my body for a second when someone suddenly started to knock on the door. I didn't answer, my trembling worsened and I couldn't move an inch. All I did was stand there and start sweating.
"Xhy?" and Aira came inside looking very worried. I stood up straight and just don't know what to say, she went to me and gave me a hug. "Why didn't you tell me?" the question made me panic.
"W-what?" I asked her.
"That you got a problem with your family? If I had known, I should've just come home last night,"
"Ahh.." I said. I felt like the weights suddenly disappeared. "I-I'm fine already," I told her.
"Zach was with you last night, did he do a good job making you feel better?"
The question made me stop for a bit. The images flashed into my mind again.
'If I could only tell her what he did to make me feel better,'
"Y-yeah, where is he?" I asked trying to change the topic.
"He already left when I got home at 3 am and he told me you were in his room and that you had a talk about your parents,"
"Ahh.." was the only thing that I could say.
So he already left last night.
"Are you really okay? You're sweating," she said and touched my head
"No, I'm fine," I assured her.
When I got back home, the problems with my parents were all gone and got replaced by another one.
How could I even face him again after this?
I spent time processing everything. I walked around my room back and forth. And after a few seconds, I started doubting that my life choices are right.
Maybe mom and dad were right.
I sighed loudly and laid my back on my bed dramatically.
Maybe if I won't think about it, I can possibly forget about it.
Some people make mistakes like this with another person but still can survive the next days.
If I won't see him again, I can forget and move on. It's just sex, it's not a big deal.
But I remembered that he shows up where you least expect him to be.
If I get to see him again, I just don't know how to act. We've kissed before but that's a whole lot of a different story.
And becoming pregnant came into my mind. It made me more frustrated. It came to my mind earlier but I kept on getting it out my head. Not all people get pregnant easily, I just hope that I am one of those.
Being pregnant right after graduating and the father is my best friend's brother.
That's the worst thing to happen.
I stayed at home for the next few days to forget. I have declined 2 of Aira's invitations just to stay away from him. I spent a week painting inside my room and barely even gets out.
I finished 2 paintings in a week and felt so drained. I felt like my body just couldn't do anything anymore so I spent days sleeping again and doing nothing but look into my phone.
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a week, are you okay?" Aira asked me one time when she called me.
"Yeah, of course, I was just busy painting, that's all," I answered. It was a good idea to answer Aira's call because I get to know what is happening outside.
But after that, I was alone again and felt very drained.
I blamed it all on that guy. This is all because of what happened. I feel afraid going out now.
I took a picture of my painting. My favorite one is the one with a girl crying in a corridor. It seems sad but I like it so much.
I posted it on Instagram and went downstairs to get some snacks. Then I ran across mom dressed in fancy clothes.
"Aren't you eating too much?" she asked me when she saw me taking snacks from the pantry.
"Are you really going to scold me for how I eat?" I asked because I am so sick of it.
"I am worried that you become really fat, "
I didn't answer and took 2 bottles of yakult and chips that I have been liking these days with me into my room.
I only come out when I need something and when I eat dinner.
I stay in my room most of the day.
I leaned on my headboard and looked at the ceiling. I did it unconsciously while eating the chips that I had brought from downstairs.
Then I was reminded of that guy again.
It's been 2 weeks and I still can't move on about it and it's already pissing me off.
If I find out that he has already forgotten about it, I would be very mad. It's just so unfair that I am struggling like this alone.
And I wonder where he is right now, last time that I saw him was that night.
Did I just have sex with a fcking billionaire? Did I just get myself into trouble?
What am I supposed to do now?
Lock myself at home for another 2 weeks I guess.
I moved sideways and sighed. The smell coming from the chips went into my nose. It felt weird and suffocating.
"Eurghh!" I said and pulled the chips away from my face. "Is this expired?" or has this been smelling like this the whole time?
I hurriedly checked the expiry date, worried that I have eaten an expired food.
But it's not.
After a few minutes, I found myself gagging inside my bathroom.
That is when I suddenly felt like something is just not right.
This scene is exactly what happens to women after a one-night stand that I have seen in movies.
"No," I told myself. It must be the chips. There's no way. There's no way,
My worries made me become even more depressed.
I almost couldn't swallow the food that is served in the next meal. I felt even weaker and I was stressed because of not know what to do.
It has become late and I still couldn't sleep because of thinking about the possibility that I am pregnant.
After a few hours of thinking about it, I convinced myself not to think about it until tomorrow. If the gagging doesn't disappear, I'd take the test. After thinking like that, I slept. And the next day, I found myself gagging in my bathroom early in the morning.
This cannot be, this cannot be.
I went out of the bathroom trembling. I can't even call Aira because he's her brother. I can't tell anybody and I have to keep it to myself. The sickness never disappeared, it made me think that there is a huge chance that I am pregnant.
If so, how could I ever tell him? Tell my family, his parents, and especially Aira. How could I ever tell everyone about this?
I have no one other than myself.
I took all the courage that I have left to dress up and call the car service to take me to the pharmacy, I talked to him and shared that I need vitamins because I am feeling very weak lately to make him think that it is what I am going to get from the pharmacy. I know mom asks the driver what I am doing outside so I thought about being very careful.
I took a few brands of pregnancy tests. I want to try everything and be sure that the results are true. The pharmacist looked at me very intently when she saw that I took pregnancy tests. His eyebrows raised upwards as she take it all into a bag.
I was shaking as I get the bag from her and as I walk back to the car. I immediately put the black plastic on my back and hide it from everyone.
When I got back into my room, I couldn't help but stare blankly at the pregnancy tests right in front of me.
Am I ready to see the results?
Definitely not. But I know that I have to do it, I don't even hope that it would be negative anymore, I already think it's positive and I just want to confirm it for myself.
I did 5 tests and 4 all came out to be positive.
I fell on my bathroom floor and started crying.
This ain't happening to me,
I spent 5 days processing everything again before I made a move. I know that I can't keep this all to myself. The first person that I want to know is Zach. But the thought of how he'd react made me very afraid to tell him.
I was thinking that he would be mad, he wouldn't want the baby, and that he'd push me away. Those thoughts made me shiver. I am already scared of it as it is, I can no longer handle anything more.
But the need to tell him is really huge. He's the father and he deserves to know.
I took my phone after thinking hard about it for quite a long time. Is searched the message he texted me after leaving that night and typed a message for him.
[To: Zach
I need to tell you something, where can I meet you?]
sent✓
[To:Zach
It's me Xhyrah btw.]
sent✓
I breathe heavily and put the phone on my bed and waited for his response with a loudly beating heart.
Texting him to meet up was too hard for me already. What more when I tell him that he got me pregnant?
I have known him for years now but I still don't know anything much about him. I am very disappointed with myself for fact that this happened and things were like this. I don't even know much about him, why did I let myself get pregnant with his baby?
*beep*
My heartbeat skipped when the phone beeped. I was shaking when I grabbed and read his message.
[From:Zach
6:08 pm
Meet me tomorrow in my office]
I don't know where his office is located so I typed another message.
[To: Zach
Idk where it is]
a few moments later, my phone beeped again.
[From: Zach 6:10 pm
*BUILDING LOCATION*]
[To: Zach 6:10 pm
Alright, see you tomorrow]
I put the phone back on my side table and laid my back on the bed. I closed my eyes tightly and put my arm on my head.
If anything goes wrong tomorrow I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know much about him so I don't know whether he's going to tell me to keep the baby with him or keep it to myself.
I just don't know what to think anymore. What if he's already dating someone?
I wanted to know about it very much so I decided to call Aira.
"Hey," she greeted me when she answered the call. "It's been a few days, how are you?"
"F-fine," I answered. Since I called her wanting to know something, I don't know what else to say.
"Are you good?" she asked.
"Yeah," I answered. She started talking about someone she met at a party last week so I had no other choice but to get along and make the conversation longer. I spent a few minutes talking to her about the guy until I finally get to mention Zach.
"By the way, I have to tell you something," I told her when she paused a little.
"What is it?"
"I am going to send your brother something tomorrow, to thank him when he stayed with me that night, Y-you know," I paused to see if she'd buy it.
"Yeah, it's too late but it's fine, and?"
"I am going to pass by his building tomorrow so I'm going to be bringing it to him personally," I said, "Can I ask if I should expect someone to be there with him? Does he have a girlfriend I should beware with?"
"Wait what-- you, do you like my brother?" She suddenly asked and it made me get up from my laying position.
"What are you talking about?" I asked her. I realized that making that up is lame and obvious that I wanted to know something about him.
"Oh yeah?" she asked me I know she's not convinced that I do not. " Well, I heard he went to a blind date days ago,"
That made me gulp real hard. Just what I thought it was going to be. I am totally screwed.
"But I don't know if they worked things out. Someone I know who works at the same building said she saw the woman going in and out the building multiple times,".
Fvck.
"Okay okay, I'm just going to send him the gift, that's all," I told her.
"Yieee, just tell me if you like him, I'll talk to him if you'--"
"Stop it, I don't like him, I have had a lot of experience with girls getting mad at me when I get close to their man," I said talking about past experiences that I know she also remembers.
"Yeah right,"
"Alright, I'll go now, bye,"
"Love you, bye"
I hung up the phone. My hands immediately started trembling as the anxiety started.
Then my phone beeped and caught my attention.
[From: Zach 7:00 pm
Alright, goodnight]