I woke up and came to my senses. I opened my eyes slowly and the bright light coming from the ceiling made me close them again. My sight was blurry at first, I looked away from the ceiling to fix my sight and a few seconds later, I saw unfamiliar things in the room.
Then I realized, I wasn't at Zach's house. My eyes widened and then I remembered what happened. I immediately went up from laying on the bed and looked around the room. There I saw Zach sleeping on the couch.
"Zach?" I called him nervously. That heavy bleeding and me sleeping in the hospital. Did something happen to the baby?
One call and he immediately woke up. He looks tired, his sleeves are folder to his elbows and 3 were unbuttoned. That sight of him made me worry even more. "I passed out, what happened?" I asked him while he was walking closer to me.
He pulled my head closer to his chest and I felt his arms wrapped around my back. "D-did something happened?" I asked. My body started trembling again and my tears started falling.
"Don't scare me like that again," he whispered against my ears. I felt like something snapped and I started crying.
"Did something happen? Is the bay fine? Tell me--"
"Stop crying, you're fine," he said and hugged me even tighter. "Everything's fine don't worry," he whispered while stroking my hair.
I felt like a weight on my shoulder just moved away. I pushed my head closer against his chest more and felt the relief after the worries started disappearing. I felt the comfort of his hand stroking my hair and feeling his breath against my skin.
Why does this feel so comfortable?
"What did the doctor say?" I asked without moving an inch from this current position.
"The doctor said the cause of the bleeding was unknown,. It may be a sign of placental complications, a vaginal or cervical infection, or preterm labor. The doctor said the fetus was fine, For now, let's just monitor you closely,"
"Am I at high risk of miscarriage?' I asked. It's the only thing that I want to know.
"Probably, yes"
The news was less scary than finding out that I lost the baby. We went back home that day with the advice of the doctor to always be careful and watch me closely. We must report everything weird that might happen so that we can add more to make a conclusion about what was the real cause of that heavy bleeding.
After finding out the pregnancy has become sensitive, I started to worry about small things thinking that they might harm me. I started overthinking things. I started being conscious about what I eat. And even keep me from being all stressed out about this but couldn't help but overthink at night.
Zach stopped going to the building and started working at home. There are times when he would just stare at me and wouldn't say anything. I haven't talked to him about it for a while now and I always don't feel like it.
I was currently walking up the stairs holding a bottle of water that I took downstairs. I looked up to him as he look at me. "Do you want to go somewhere later?" he suddenly asked me.
"Nothing particularly," I answered shortly and left. When I went inside the room, I suddenly felt bad leaving without saying anything more when I know exactly why he asked that.
Why do I feel very depressed? Why did I let my hormones take over my body and let myself stress out about it when I know clearly that it's not good for my mental health?
The night came and the hardest part of the day started. I suddenly feel like I wanted to cry for no particular reason. I changed positions as if it can do something but only found out that I was alone in the room.
I went up the bed when I realized Zach wasn't around. Was he mad? I looked at the time and it was already 10 pm and he was still not on the bed with me. I went out of the room barefoot, wearing my pajamas, and looked for him around the house.
I first went to the kitchen but he wasn't there. I walked around the second floor to see where he was and when I opened the office, I saw him on the divan sofa reading something on his iPad and wearing a pair of glasses.
He looked surprised when he saw me. He moved the iPad away from his face and looked up at me. "H-hey," he said looking so stunned by my presence in his office.
I didn't say anything and sat right beside him. After being rude earlier and thinking so much about it, I remembered when he said I am never alone with this. This feeling that I am feeling right now, the tiredness and the feeling of just doing nothing.
I hate it, and I hated what I did earlier. I wanted to apologize but I don't know how to start talking. I sat there and saw him continue his business on his iPad.
I wish I should've brought my phone with me. I don't even understand why I stayed here when he's not even talking to me at all. I can feel his leg touching my back because I sat next to it. I looked at his leg on my back and suddenly yawned.
"What do you want?" he finally asked,
"N-nothing," I answered.
"You weren't yourself these days, why si that?' he asked me, but I couldn't answer anything. "You worry about simple things, I saw you not eating much worrying about nothing,"
He was talking about that time he caught me bringing back the food into the fridge and when he asked me why, I answered that I don't want it when I knew that he knew I wanted it since I told him before that, that I was going to the kitchen because I was hungry.
"That's not healthy anymore, stop worrying about small things,"
"I'm sorry," I answered,
"You don't get out of the room often thinking you might overdo yourself so you stay in bed and look at your phone most of the entire day?"
Is he scolding me? Why do I feel like crying I remember those days that I did that and now I realize that it was so wrong and stupid,
"S-sorry," I answered him. Even I myself don't know why I don't feel like doing anything. If not for some worries that something might happen to me, I do that for no reason.
And now I label myself overreacting and it's disgusting to think about it.
"Come here," I immediately turned my head to see what he was talking about.
"What?" I asked..
"Come here for a second," he said and opened his arms to me. I knew how it felt like being inside his arms. It felt so warm that it goes straight to the heart.. I don't even know why he's doing this right now. But I don't want to ask because I feel like I want it now.
I crawled closer to him and wrapped my arms around his body. I don't know when I got very comfortable around him like this. We've never done this before but it doesn't feel new to me anymore.
Why does this feel so warm?
"Why don't you paint anymore?"
"Hmm?"
"You don't paint anymore,"
"I left my materials at home, I don't feel like bringing them along, "I answered not knowing why the conversation suddenly went to my paintings.
"Let's get them tomorrow,"
"Why?"
"I'm afraid that you were so bored in here,"
"Nah, my paints at home smell nasty,"
"Let's buy a new one tomorrow then," he suggested while stroking my hair up and down making me feel like I want to sleep.
"Hmm," was the only thing I can answer before I gave in.
The next day, I found myself on the bed when I clearly remembered what happened and where we were last night. I went out of the room looking for Zach wearing my pair of pajamas without slippers on.
"Zach?" I called him before I could go through the stairs, he didn't answer but he was there drinking coffee.
"What do you need?" he asked me when he saw me coming into the kitchen. I stopped. I don't know what to answer him since I don't have any particular reason for going out looking for him. I suddenly felt like I want to see him but I can't tell him that.
I walked past him without saying anything and took a mug and out hot water from the heater. "What time are we going out today?" he asked me suddenly. He's facing an iPad while drinking his coffee on the counter.
"I don't mind," I answered while putting the milk that I use for my pregnancy that he bought along with some vitamins.
"Alright, after lunch," he answered.
Today felt very light for me, I didn't feel anything like the other days. I didn't even touch my phone when I woke up because I stayed with him in the kitchen until we finish breakfast. I didn't do anything, he cooked breakfast and I was just sitting there stirring my already cold milk while staring at him for no particular reason.
We didn't talk for an hour but it didn't make me leave and take my phone anyway. The more I looked at him, the more I find him handsome.
There's this feeling again, the feeling of just making him look at me and stare at his face until I get satisfied.
We ate breakfast and lunch. And after that, we went off to the store to get some paints, canvas, and paintbrushes.
"I stopped painting because the wax made me feel sick, So I didn't bring them all here," I told him while I get on the passenger seat.
"Alright, let's go shop everything while we're at it," he said.
I scrolled on my phone while he was driving. Then I saw a picture of the sky on my feed and decided to take min too since the weather today was amazing. I was planning to take a pic of the weather but I pressed the button longer and moved the camera to the front view.
I put a sticker and posted it on my IG.
"We're here," he suddenly said and I looked outside and saw the huge mall.
This was my first time going out with Zach in public. We've never done this before and I didn't expect a lot of people would turn their heads to see Zach who was just walking while holding my hand as if I'd get lost if he wouldn't.
The people look at him and will look at me after seeing him holding my hand and I suddenly felt like I want to let go.
Why am I feeling embarrassing? I'm the wife?
I looked down and continued walking with him until we get to the painting section. I let go of his hands and went to take what I need while he stands there with his hand on his waist looking at my every move.
"Try going around, you might need something," I told him.
"I don't paint," He casually said and did what he wanted to do. I rolled my eyes and let him look at me while taking my things. "You don't need more?" he asked when he saw me walking toward the cashier.
"Yeah, that's all," I answered him. He didn't say anything and took out a black card from his wallet and handed it to the cashier. The cashier looked at it and looked at both of us before swiping it to the machine.
"Let's go look elsewhere," he said, "I'll leave you at the bench for a sec, I'll put these in the car," he said. I nodded and he took off.
I looked around the mall, now I feel like I'm a nobody in the mall again. No one is even paying attention to me unlike when I was with Zach. I sat on the bench and waited for him to arrive. But after a few minutes of just looking around while sitting on the bench, I saw a pair of shoes displayed just a few meters away from the bench. I stood up again and went to the display.
I know I'm going to see Zach when he comes back so I felt confident about leaving the bench. I stared at the shoes and found out it was from a popular brand. I was about to come into the store when,
"Xhyrah?" I was surprised when someone suddenly called me while I was on my way in. When I looked at her, I found out it was Elaine, a senior high school classmate.
"H-hey," I greeted her back.
"H-how are you?" she asked me. I suddenly felt very nervous. The first thing I thought of was her finding out I was pregnant and her seeing Zach who's on his way to the bench.
There's no way I am going to let her find out.
"
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