On our way to school, I thought about how Lily felt knowing she could not be at the event but then I remembered what she told me,
'...have fun at prom and take a lot of pictures, I want to hear all about it when you get back!'
Even if prom was not like my imagination, I was going to have as much fun as I could just for Lily.
Everything felt off when we got to school.
I felt as though I was doing something wrong.
I knew it was just my overthinking getting the best of me but I still gave in to it.
I kept smiling at George just so he would not bother about me but somehow he knew something was wrong.
'Are you sure you don't want to go home?' I felt George's hand on my shoulder. He was hovering over me like an overprotective parent.
'I'm fine. I just need to sit a little.' My heart was beating hard against my chest. I felt my whole body shaking.
My head felt light and I knew I was going to fall any second.
'Let's go to a class.' He held my hand and led me away from the crowded hall to a class.
He sat with me and kept asking if I was fine.
At that moment, I wanted to cry to him. I wanted to tell him I was too worried about Lily and my brother to even have fun.
I thought forgetting my problems was going to be easy with George around me but it all felt compounded, like he was there to remind me of how messed up my life had become.
'Thank you George. You can go back to the party, I'll join you soon.' I wanted some alone time.
I wanted to reflect and think about how to solve all the problems I had brought on myself.
I knew fully well that I could totally ignore Nate and what he did but I decided to make it my problem.
'No, I'll stay with you for as long as it takes. You look really sick now.' His voice was very soothing.
'I don't want you missing prom on my account. I'll be there in a minute.'
It was bad enough that my prom was ruined, I did not want to carry ruining his on my conscience.
'Don't bother about me. I'll sit with you till you're ready and if you don't feel like it, I can take you home.' He knew exactly what to say and when to say it.
We had not spent much time in school but I knew it was best for me to go home.
'I think I'll just go home. I want to rest a little.'
Although I was feeling out of place, I found it very easy to talk to George, unlike how it was in previous times.
'Okay, let's go.'
George was wonderful. He kept engaging me in conversations just to help me relax a little.
He even offered to stay and watch me sleep but I was too insecure to let him do that.
Alicia was very disappointed but I guess she understood me eventually.
It was something we both felt. Guilt. It trapped us and choked us.
I wanted to be clueless about Nate so I'll not have to go through the mental stress I was facing.
'I know now is not the best time, but Mauve offered to drive us to Hannah. She's one of his victims but she lives two towns away.'
Alicia was playing with my hair while I forced myself to sleep.
I did not want to hear anything about Nate but she had brought him up. I wondered what Hannah would be like.
'If you're not up to it, we can go alone.'
I did not know if she just wanted me to rest or if she really did not want me to go with her and Mauve.
'I'm up to it, it's the least I can do to get this guilt out of my throat.' I turned to my side.
It was my signal for her to leave and she understood it.
When Alicia left, it dawned on me that I had messed up my own prom.
I had the date of my dreams and everything was perfect until I started listening to the voices in my head.
I wished I could be with George just so I could watch him smile and talk and admire his jaw line.
I did not know when I slept off but my ringtone woke me up.
It was Lily.
'What's up girl! Give me the deets.' She sounded far from her phone and overly excited.
I couldn't see her so I didn't know if she was really excited or not.
'I left at the beginning, panic attacks.' Lily was the one that got panic attacks most of the time.
I almost never had them so she knew something was up.
'What happened? Was he a jerk?' She was referring to George.
'Not at all. He was sweet to me. I guess I was just overthinking things but I'm fine now.' I lied.
I was not fine. I could not have been fine just like that. I knew deep within myself that I needed some form of therapy.
'Overthinking what? I told you to have fun and clearly you did not.'
'I still want to hear all about what happened when you got to school. I have to go now, bye.' She sounded off but I could not ask what was wrong.
'Bye.' I dropped the call and checked the time. It was three thirty a.m. I was still in my dress and shoes.
I wanted to munch on something so I made my way to the kitchen.
Mum was there. She was drinking coffee and going through the mail.
'Hi.' I took chips from the fridge and sat beside her.
She looked really stressed, she was overworking herself.
'You're still in your dress.' She laughed a little.
She forced herself to laugh because whenever she went through the mail, it was just bills and bills and those did not make her happy.
'I slept off, I was too tired.' I lied to her. I did not want her getting worried about me.
'How was it?' She was paying minimal attention to me.
'It was fine. You should get some sleep mum.' I opened the pack of chips in my hands and started eating them.
'I will. I need to sort this out first. You can go in.' She dropped the envelopes in her hands and looked at me.
'Okay. I'll sit here for a while. I'm hungry anyways.' My eyes dropped to the floor.
'I want to call dad. Later today.'
Since dad left, no one at home talked about him.
I thought about him a lot and how our lives would have been if he hadn't left.