I was sure George was going to understand me. I believed he would comfort me and let me know I was not alone.
I could barely wait to see him.
I thought about Nate. My brother was paying for his crimes but somehow, I felt it was not enough.
His name was a huge source of anger and hate for a lot of women and it was going to last a lifetime, but after his sentence, he was going to be a free man again.
I did not think he deserved freedom. He deserved to suffer, just like Hannah did.
I thought about myself. There was so much I wanted to do but could not.
I applied to some universities but my mail did not come yet. I wanted to spend some days just watching tv and eating loads of snacks but that could not happen either.
I may have looked like a regular teenager but I was very far from that.
I was lucky the people living around me did not throw stones at me when I walked on the streets because of the horrible things my brother did.
I wanted everything to go back to the way they were before Nate got arrested but that was clearly impossible.
I only got up from my bed because Mauve was making so much noise in the living room.
I knew she meant no harm but it was really disturbing. I went to the living room and saw mum hugging a guy.
His hair was shiny black and his jawline was even better than George's.
It was Alicia's boyfriend.
Mauve had convinced her to introduce him to mum and she did.
'Kassy! Come come. Meet Eric, Alicia's boyfriend.' Mum was holding his shoulder and grinning from ear to ear.
Eric looked very handsome. I liked him already. I was happy Alicia did not settle for anything less.
He walked up to me and stretched out his hands for a shake and I took it.
His eyes were black and almond shaped, he reminded me so much of George.
'Hi, Eric Daniels?'
It was going to be weird if my sister and I were seeing brothers.
'Not quite, Eric White.'
His voice was deep. The kind that made one vibrate. I liked this guy a lot already.
'Oh, you look like a friend. Sorry.'
I knew it was weird but it was definitely worth the shot.
'George? I thought so too.' Alicia said. She was smiling. She looked genuinely happy and I was happy for her.
Alicia rarely brought men home. Whenever she came home for weekends, mum always teased her about her boyfriend but she always said she had none.
She brought a weird guy home once. He was annoying. He always spoke at the top of his voice and he argued about everything, even how peanut butter should be spread on bread.
He said it was supposed to be from top to bottom and not from right to left. I did not understand him but mum said he was a weird guy that thought everything should be done in a certain way.
He had spent only one weekend then but he successfully turned the house upside down.
He rearranged everything and we searched for the mugs for days after he had left because we had no idea where he kept them.
I was really glad when Alicia announced their breakup. I even asked her what she saw in him before she agreed to date him and like every other college girl would say, she thought he was nice.
After their break up, he insisted on seeing mum and that Saturday was the worst.
He complained about everything and when he was about to leave, mum told him she was going to be doing well for a long time so he did not need to visit anymore.
The only other guy she brought home was Steve Carter. He was a really funny guy but he did not shut up about how many girls he had been with.
I knew Alicia did not like him, she probably just wanted to pass time at the moment.
I was so glad she met Eric. I was going to ask her about the whole back story and how everything happened.
'I have to meet George at the park today, I will also have to visit Lily later but I'll be back in time for dinner.'
Mum never let me stay out so late but I knew she was not going to mind this time because she was very happy.
'Don't stay out too late and say hi to your friends for me.' Mum said.
I went back to my room. I was going to put in a lot of effort in my appearance because I really wanted to impress George after what happened during prom.
My phone rang. It was Lily.
'Hi, Kassy?' The voice was not Lily's. It was the woman that asked me to leave a message when I called her.
'Hi.'
'Lily just passed.' She sounded very calm.
'Oh.' My vision was blurred.
Tears had welled up in my eyes. I felt my stomach grow very tight and my heart was beating very fast, my head felt very light.
'I'm sorry. Come over to the house whenever you can.' She hung up.
I was one day late. If I had agreed with Alicia to ditch the visiting Hannah trip, I'd have seen Lily one last time, but I did not. I went through with it and did not even get to talk with her.
I screamed. I was feeling too many things at the same time and that was the only way to express myself.
Mum, Alicia and Mauve came running into my room. I was lying on the floor, holding my phone tightly and crying, screaming, everything.
'What happened?' Mum was trying to get me off the floor.
I knew they were there in my room but I could not see them. I only saw Lily.
'Lily!' I screamed.
The tears did not stop flowing from my eyes. I couldn't control myself. It felt like a massive void abruptly appeared within my soul.
'What happened to her?' Alicia was on her knees, stroking my hair.
How was I going to tell them that Lily had cancer and the right time to bring it up just never came.
I could not feel myself anymore. I could not hear anybody's voice anymore. I was rapidly slipping into unconsciousness and it felt very refreshing.