I loved Lily so much. She was one of the few people who actually understood me.
I just could not let go.
I called her phone, hoping she was going to take the call and tell me it was a joke and that she would never leave me by myself.
It rang and rang and rang but there was no answer and when I tried again, it was not reachable.
All hope I had disappeared. The truth was too hard for me to deal with.
I tried my best to sleep but I just could not.
I went to Alicia's room. Eric was with her.
He was reading a book and she was applying all her skin care products.
I did not expect him to be there but maybe after I got unconscious, he decided to spend the night, to give Alicia some kind of moral support.
'Hey Kassy, is everything okay?' Alicia came to meet me at the door.
'I'm sorry, I just-' I broke down in tears.
I was crying so loudly but Alicia just held me and said nothing. It was just like the night she cried over Nate.
Before long, Eric was holding me too, saying a lot of things but I only heard him speak but I did not understand what he was saying.
I just wanted any one of them to tell me Lily was playing a prank but it did not happen.
I did not know how I managed to leave Alicia's room or how I got to my bed but when my phone rang at half past four, I was on my bed and my pillow was very damp with tears.
Lily was calling me. Maybe she was not dead afterall!
'Hi Kassy.' It was Emily.
'Hi Emily. I'm sorry about Lily…' I began crying again.
I did not understand why the tears did not stop flowing.
'Thank you, this line won't be active anymore so don't try calling. Please come to the house when you feel like it.' Her voice was very shaky.
She was crying but she did not want me to know.
'Okay.' I hung up.
Lily was really gone and I was not there to hold her hand, I was not there to reply to her texts, I was not there for her and I could not shift the blame to anyone, it was my fault.
I cried all over again. I kept thinking about our bucket list and how she was very optimistic about ticking off everything before she turned seventy.
My best friend died two months before her nineteenth birthday. I pitied her.
I knew Emily felt very miserable. She had left Lily in the care of other people because she was pursuing a divorce and she probably did not stay with her till the end.
Memories of how we planned road trips we never actually went on filled my head.
I had lost my dearest friend and it felt so unreal.
George was at my house when I woke up. I could hear Alicia laughing loudly.
Eric probably said something funny because George was not one to crack jokes.
I did not want him seeing me all messed up but I had no choice because I could barely move and my head was pounding.
I heard a knock on my door and then it opened. Mum walked in with George just behind her.
He looked as perfect as always. I did not find the right words to say to him so I decided to just nod.
'Kassandra, George will do his best to take care of you. There's mac and cheese in the fridge, help yourself to some whenever you feel like it. You too George.' She hugged me and left.
George was in my room with me. I would never have thought it could ever happen, 'ever', but it was happening.
We were going to be alone for at least six hours. I just wished it happened under different circumstances, not because he was babysitting me.
'I'm sorry about Lily. I know she meant a lot to you.' His voice was cracked. He had been shouting.
He was opening up a wound I was trying to heal. I looked away from him.
My eyes got teary again. I knew George was in front of me and I knew I had to act in a certain kind of way around him but I did not care this time. I cried. Just like I had done in Alicia's room.
He sat beside me and held me, saying nothing.
His body was bigger than mine so I felt really small in his arms. It was very comforting.
He kept stroking my hair like I was a child. He probably did not know how to handle the situation and he definitely did not want me feeling worse than I already did.
'She texted me. She said goodbye, George. I was not there to tell her to be strong. I was not there to comfort her or hold her hands. I was busy doing nothing.'
I was going to be hard on myself for as long as it took. I felt very guilty about not being there when she needed me the most.
I thought about other things while she thought about me up till the very end.
'Don't be so hard on yourself. If you had the slightest idea you would have dropped everything to be with her.'
He was right. If I knew Lily was ready to leave, I would have taken Alicia's advice and ditched visiting Hannah.
One of the many reasons I liked George was his understanding. He understood things and tried his best to make them as uncomplicated as possible.
He was mature and he knew what to say and when to say them.
'Thanks.' I pulled myself away from his grip and stood up.
'Is anything the matter? Did I say something?'
He looked worried and I had not realized I was staring at him.
'Oh no. No, you didn't say anything. I just need to take a shower and I'll join you in the living room.'
I was trying to sound mature too even though tears kept rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't control them and I did not even bother to.