Nothing about Nate or Alicia or Lily or Mum crossed my mind when I spoke with George.
All I could think about was how one person could look so beautiful and so handsome at the same time.
I wanted to go after him to hug him and confess my feelings to him but I could only watch him walk over to the swings.
My body felt very heavy and I could not move an inch. I found my distraction. It was George Daniels.
Visiting Nate was something I had to accept as my new normal.
I hated the fact that I had to be in the same space with him but it was something I had to do.
Alicia did not seem nervous anymore. She was ready to leave for the prison even before I woke up.
I did not ask her about what she said with Mauve but when she got home that day, she seemed very happy.
It was very relieving to see her that way and I could only wish that Nate did not destroy her mood.
'Kassy we do not have all day!' Alicia was knocking on my door and yelling.
It was half past eight and all I wanted was more sleep.
'We need to beat the traffic.' There was usually no traffic but Alicia said anything to make me get ready in time.
She was very chatty on our way to see Nate. She talked about the weather and how she wanted to start her job as soon as possible.
She even talked about Mauve. Mauve had done nothing outside the ordinary, she only gave her a hot bowl of soup and they watched TV together.
Alicia was one to hold on to little things and Mauve, although ignorant as to why Alicia was sad, helped her cheer up in the little way she could.
Alicia said she could not bring herself to tell Mauve what had happened because she was unsure if Mauve knew about it.
I understood where she was coming from.
'An hour should do.' Alicia said as she parked the car.
I did not want to be with Nate for an entire hour. There was really nothing to say to him that needed so much time.
I only wanted to ask about Victoria and Alicia definitely wanted to know why he was going around, telling people he raped his own sister.
The realisation that Nate might actually be insane hit me. I sighed.
'Forty five minutes. No need to talk too much with him.' What I said was in direct contrast with what I had said the last time I visited.
I begged Alicia to increase the time to an hour thirty minutes because I wanted to spend time with Nate but after so much revelation in the past few weeks, I wanted to be anywhere but in the same space as my lunatic brother.
'Okay.' Alicia agreed with me. We were thinking alike at that very moment.
I did not notice the environment nor did I consciously take in air to figure out what it smelled like.
I simply walked behind Alicia with my head down thinking,
What if these people knew what crime my brother was in jail for?
What if everyone there decided to stone Alicia and I?
Alicia made her way to an empty seat at the rear end of the yard. It was close to the one we used the last time but people had occupied that one already.
I sat down, waiting for the door Nate used the last time to buzz and open.
We waited about twenty minutes before Nate came in. He looked way better than he did a few weeks ago.
His hair was short and he was clean.
A small part of me wanted to hug him and ask about David but then I remembered how I held Alicia as she cried and how there was so much pain in Victoria's voice as she spoke about that monster.
I sat in my chair, and waited for him to walk to us. He sucked his teeth when he saw Alicia and somehow, it made me really happy.
I wanted him to pay for his deeds in any way and if David was making that happen, I had no problems with it.
He sat down and slouched. He was really clean. His orange overalls smelled nice and his eyes looked somewhat brighter.
He was looking very much like himself this time. I sucked my teeth.
'Why did you come?' He held Alicia.
I wondered how he could look her in the eye or even make physical contact after all he put her through.
Alicia looked just as disgusted as I did. I could feel her rage and it was oddly satisfying.
'You told people about what happened?' Alicia yanked her hands away from his.
She was staring hard at him. Anyone could tell she was speaking from a place of frustration.
'Who told you that?' No one needed to explain to him what she meant.
He understood her perfectly. He was just as surprised as she was when she found out he was a blabber mouth from Victoria.
Maybe he did not expect those he told to tell Alicia or maybe he had even forgotten that he told anyone at all.
'Victoria Brown.' I knew it was my cue to say something. I wanted to ask my own questions too.
His expression gave it away that he knew the woman whose name I mentioned.
In no time, a grin started to appear on his face, he was smiling like a child who just got a present.
'She does not know when to shut up. That woman. Why do you know her anyways?' Nate acted very normal. There was no remorse whatsoever.
I was shocked by his attitude. I wanted to scream at him, I wanted to explain to him how deep his actions cut his victims and how they had to live with the memory for the rest of their lives.
'You raped her, you asshole!' I got up. I knew yelling was unnecessary and I did not do it.
I watched my brother subtly look around then laugh. He looked at me and tried to touch me but I moved away.