'Where is your mum.' I sat down and wiped my cheeks with the handkerchief I got from my jean jacket.
Lily's mum hardly ever stayed away from her.
Her dad was always on one business trip or the other so her mum decided to make sure Lily never felt alone or abandoned.
'Away, on some trip, she returns later tonight anyway.' Her eyes were puffy. She had been crying long before I came. She looked like she was in serious pain.
'Why did you not tell me? I should have been by your side all day and all night. Why?' I was crying again.
I did not know how to react to the information she gave me. Crying was the only way I could express the amount of sadness I felt.
I forced myself to forget the possibility of my best friend dying but it just kept floating somewhere in my head.
'I could not. I did not want to be a burden or disturbance. I forced myself not to and I never would have.'
She tried to sit up and just fell back onto the couch. She winced in pain.
Lily always felt that way. She always felt like a bother, it was just how she was wired.
I could not blame her for not telling me, I blamed myself for not finding out.
'You never bother me!' I looked at my best friend. She was crying. Her eyes and nose were red.
We sat in silence for a long while.
Her cat, Laura, walked in a couple times to use the litter box but she did not come close to where we sat.
'It is stage four, I should be in the hospital but I told my mum I would rather remain here and you know my mum, she brought the hospital to me.' She laughed. I knew it was fake.
Lily was really sad and even though she tried to be happy, it felt very forced. I wanted to take away the cancer but it was just wishful thinking.
'What does stage four mean?' I knew what it meant but I wanted some form of assurance that it was not what I thought it was.
'It has spread. The doctors gave me four months about two months ago.'
'I am hanging by a thread and unlike those movies where people who have cancer find their soulmates and what they love doing, I sit at home all day with my nurse and Laura.'
There was frustration in her voice. She sounded like she had been aching to say those words, afterall, she had no one to talk to.
'Your mum?' I asked.
'She is too busy divorcing my dad, she barely has my time.' She adjusted on the couch.
'They are getting divorced.' I meant it as a question but it sounded like a statement.
Like I was trying to be sure I heard her correctly and maybe if I just said it out loud, it would be clearer.
Lily's parents were lovely together. The last time I saw them in the same space was during our vacation.
Her dad made a lot of jokes that cracked everyone up but her mum laughed the loudest.
They always stayed longer at the beach and he always surprised her with jewelry or dresses every week until we got back from the vacation.
Although I was very young when it happened, I knew that what they felt for each other was love.
'I've accepted my fate, Kassy. It doesn't bother me anymore. I just want to be happy for the rest of my life.' Lily was sitting up on the couch.
She looked very tired. I wanted to hold her and tell her it was going to be fine but I could not.
'I really wish I had known before now. It would have made some sort of difference, you know?'
After talking with her, it was clear she was lonely and only needed someone to talk to and be with.
'Enough about me, have fun at prom and take a lot of pictures, I want to hear all about it when you get back!' She was smiling and it did not look forced or fake.
A million things were running through my mind but I was calm seeing her that way.
'I will.' I flashed a small smile and stood up.
It was time for me to leave. I had already spent hours with Lily and I was happy I visited.
I felt connected to someone who understood me perfectly and it was the most wholesome feeling ever.
Alicia was in my room with all her makeup equipment when I got back. She was more excited for my prom than I was.
I knew she just wanted me to be happy and feel like a regular teenager would feel. I liked the smile she wore so I did not bother telling her about Lily.
'Where have you been?! Even mum was getting worried. Today is a big day, you don't get to run off like that.' She slapped me playfully across my arm and pulled me to my dressing table.
'Don't you think I should take a bath? I am not exactly clean now.' I just wanted to wash my face.
I was even surprised Alicia did not notice I had been crying. I was glad she did not anyways.
'Alright, but be quick. I'll make waffles before you get out.'
She left my room and then I remembered I had not eaten the whole day and it was already past two.
My tummy growled.
I was only just feeling the sensation of hunger but I did not want to eat.
I went in to bathe. A warm shower.
I kept thinking about Lily. I could only wonder how she felt knowing she was getting closer and closer to her end.
She was strong and she took it all in good faith but it really bothered me that she felt very lonely.
I always thought her mum prioritized her but it must have really been hard seeing her own child that way and maybe the divorce was only an excuse to stay away from Lily.