We moved to Lockport when I was thirteen. I thought things would get better. We were closer to family but that didnt matter. My aunts and uncles treated me like I wanted to screw their husbands and sons. Its hard to understand being an outsider looking in but this was my normal.
Living out in Lockport just made everything more isolated. I started self harming. I couldnt keep a journal because she would read it. There was no such thing as privacy unless you were my brother. to me it wasnt fair. Though, I learned early on that life wasn't fair.
When my eldest brother came into the picture life went from bad to worse in just a few months time. He was an evil person. He lied about so much and I would end up getting hurt in the process. The one day we were all suppose to go to the fair and my little brother touched my butt to get the suckers i had and I said " HEY don't touch my butt". My mother screamed at me telling me I was teasing him and told me I wasn't going to be going. My eldest brother Lile laughed at me and she told him he had to stay.
It was a nightmare. That was the first time he threatened me with a knife. The sceond time was when she was at work and hid the phone before she left inmy room. He knew and chased after my little brother and I with a knife. I had to barracade us in my room until she came home.
I never felt safe with him in the home. Although my mothers boyfriend never tried to touch me that entire time. It wasnt until my eldest brother left that the things started to happen. It wasnt until my brother lied saying I tried to kiss him and my mother grabbed me by my hair an bashed my head off the bed post that she finally seen he was the real problem.
I went to the psychward not too long after that. I came foward about the sexual abuse I had endured living with Dale. Let me be clear, Dale never touched me. I don't remember age 6-7 and 8-9 for a reason. I just know it wasnt him.
When I returned my brother was gone. Her boyfriend would sneak in my room at night and In would wake up to feeling him touch me. I was in a state of shock and afraid to move. My mother would be passed out on the couch with no idea it was happening. Some will ask why I never said anything and let me explain; If I had came forward sooner I wouldve been through what I had to go through sooner. She wouldnt have believed me no matter how much she said she wouldve.
January after New Years, snow was still on the ground and my mother went to bingo. Her boyfriend said he was going to give me a massage. He kept trying to grope my breast and I would move. I ended up getting up to go to my little brothers room. He wouldnt touch me in front of him. When I got up he grabbed me dragged me to his bed and threw me on it. I struggled and I screamed. As soon as he heard the footsteps he stopped.
I confinded in a friend a few months later and her step dad called the cops while I was over their house. I did my best to lie but they didnt believe me. They could tell by my face I was lying. That was when my family turned their backs on me and were afraid I'd lie on their husbands. I never accused anyone even the men in foster care of anything other than my adoptive father of being a creep. Its hard being a child with that stigma hovering over your head.
I just wanted to be loved.