I am not a perfect person and I have lied in my past. Even to this day I will say that I am fine, but in reality I am trapped in my own mind drowing in the thoughts. I will still catch myself putting my hands in hot water justb so I can feel clean. The one thing I can say is my story has never changed. His, however, always changed. Back then lie detector tests were admissable. He passed. I begged to have one and they told me "if you dont believe his why would we believe yours?". He was and still is an alcoholic. He was under the influence which is a counter measure used to pass the test. You are not suppose to be using any substance prior to the test. They told my mother this and she still believes him over me.
For years I thought if I would stay close to her I could watch him die and get some sort of satisfaction. I believed I was delusional because thats what she told me I was. The nightmares and PTSD say other wise.
When I finally was placed in foster care I went with a woman who was a D.A. She was nice but believed anyone with colored hair and tattoos were menaces to society. She wasnt open minded and thought I was the devil when Id shut down. Even with the counselor telling her I had mental illneses she ignored it and said I was doing it for attention. How? I was bullied to the point where they left razors in my locker and told me to "cut deeper next time".
The counselor did nothing but blame me for why I was being bullied. Rich people matter more than those in poverty. Remember that. Doesnt matter whats in your heart if you dont have a big wallet your life is meaningless to these people. Thats what I learned all those years ago. Bullshit isn't it?
I spent six months with this woman. She was hit by a car a few days after new years. Her and I just got in an argument about the MP3 player she got me. She was upset that I didnt try to speak to the adults at the table. I didnt understand why the hell she'd want me to speak to adults for being only 14 but she was livid i didnt.
After the accident I stayed with her sister who was afraid of me. I had a mental illness which she treated me like it was the plague. Her husband loved me and she was jealous and I would hear her say "If you want her shes right upstairs" " I dont know why youre willing to risk it when you know shes the type to blame you for something you didnt do" " I cant keep her here she freaks me out, no child should look dead in the eyes like that". Thats just the nicer things she said thinking I couldn't hear her.
I finally had enough. I took her husbands phone. Found someone who I thought knew my brother and I left to go back to my mothers. If I wanted to hear that shit I wouldve stayed at my mothers. Thats how I felt. I hope shes no longer a foster parent and I hope her sister and husband have the best life with bland food.