I just finished two classes today, and I'm already tired of listening to everyone who stands in front of the class to speak. I'm completely exhausted. So I came here, to our school's hidden gem. The backyard. Furthermore, I'm hiding from Gean because I didn't fulfill her request last night.
No one comes here because many people believe that ghosts and spirits roam the area. That, in my opinion, is very nice. At least some creatures remain in this desolate place. And why are people scared of ghosts when real life is far scarier? Life f*cks you hard, but ghosts just give you chills.
I took my camera from my bag and began photographing in the garden. Students believe that this garden has been abandoned. Try going inside of me; I swear it's as empty as this garden. As I was photographing, I came across these rolled paper cigarettes. I take a closer look, and there it is! A slew of Maryjane butts.
'It's no surprise they see ghosts here.' I thought to myself, 'Stupid kids.'
By the way, what is it with smokers? I'm not sure why they find it so appealing. I mean, marijuana is obviously not the same as cigarettes, but what are the benefits of smoking? I tried the Philip Morris one last year. It's freaking long. I took it from my father's pocket because I was curious about how it would feel to smoke. So I lit it up in the bathroom of my room and started puffing. And guess what? My bathroom smells like a bar and I only get coughs. No offense to the bar's patrons. But did I try the wrong cigarette brand? Should I experiment with the flavored ones? Should I shop around for the best cigarette for me? Perhaps I should try smoking again, but not in the bathroom for sure.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, someone tosses a lit cigarette butt in front of me. When I turn around, it's Nilliam who greets me.
'I guess what they say about the ghosts here is true,' he said. 'I don't mind seeing them if they look like you,' he said as he moved closer to me.
Here we go again, Nilliam. Watering an empty flower vase.
'Does this place appear to you to be a trash can?' While ignoring what he was saying, I said.
'Don't worry, I'll get that. I was just trying to get your attention.'
'Are you interested in me?' I asked directly of him.
'What? Do you mean, 'Do I like you?' His cheeks slightly flushed. I'm sure his face is flushed.
'Do you?' I asked once more.
'Ha! Coming from someone who came to my house in the middle of the night to photograph me.'
Yes, indeed. That was completely forgotten by me.
'Well, I don't like you.' As straightforwardly stated.
'Ouch! Two times,' he said. 'The first one, you have no idea who I am. And now, you dislike me. Don't you think you're a little too much?'
To be honest, I'm not sure what "like" means because I don't feel anything or am numb to most things most of the time. For example, when I photograph things that my eyes tell me are beautiful, it relaxes me and makes me feel something. I enjoy learning new things. I enjoy trying new things. I enjoy the sensation of a sudden downpour on my shoulders. I enjoy accidentally biting my tongue. I also enjoy it when I cut my finger with a piece of paper by accident. When I'm feeling something, I like it. No, no actually. Let me say that again. I enjoy it when I have an immediate reaction because I am feeling something. But it eventually fades.
'So, do you like me?' I asked once again.
'Would you reconsider if I said yes?'
'Change my mind about what, exactly?'
'About not liking me,' he explains.
'No.'
He exclaimed, 'Ouch! Number three!'
How long will he keep saying that? I wonder.
Out of nowhere, I point my camera at his face.
'What exactly do you think you're doing now? He said as he moved his body to avoid the camera.
'Feeding my camera,' I explained.
'But that's illegal because I don't have consent.'
'Okay. 'I'm going to delete it...'
Kidding. That's something I'll have to give to Gean.
'How are you doing, by the way?' he inquired.
'What?' I sit down on the bench.
'Your father was furious with you last night.'
So Nilliam went to see my father last night. Okay.
'He's always angry.' I replied.
'I think so, too. If I have a daughter like you, I'll be angry all the time.'
'Does your father care about you?'
He didn't immediately respond to my question. He took a few moments to respond.
'M-maybe?' He stated this.
'So you're unloved, but you love him.' My gaze is fixed on him.
His eyes were tense, and I could see it. I think I struck something inside of him. He's a broken joker, just like me, except the joker part.
'You don't have to say anything,' I explained. 'I guess today's kids get broken easily.'
He remained deafeningly silent. I'm simply waiting for her to say something to fill the silence.
'Do parents feel their children's love for them?' He finally sat next to me after several minutes of standing and leaning on the fence.
'I'm not sure.'
'And if they do, are they obligated to give it back to their children?'
To be honest, Nilliam, my parents are also f*cking up my life, and I am not the right person to talk to about it. I will only respond negatively to you.
'Your mother was nice last night,' I commented. That is correct, though.
'She was because you were there.'
Oh. That was not what I expected. And I'm at a loss for words in this situation.
'The moment you left last night, she reverted to being someone else again and treated me as if I were a stranger.'
When I look at him, I notice that his mood became gloomy. I may not feel it, but I can see it on his entire face.
'But, I still love her.'
That could be excruciatingly painful for Nilliam.
'Why?' I asked.
'Because I am her son,' he explains.
'Right. You're her son, and that's messed up.'
'Do you love your parents?' he asked.
'Hmm... I love them solely because they are my parents, and for no other reason.'
'Audri,' he muttered.
'Yeah?'
'We're both f*cked up,' he admitted as he looked at me.
I completely agree. Adults frequently complain that children do not always understand them and that we find it difficult to understand their situations. I can't argue with that, but I also don't understand why they feel the need to blame us, their children, for what has happened to them in the past. Why did they bring us into this world in the first place if they don't want us? They believe that they are always the ones who suffer as a result of caring for us, but it is actually us, their children, who suffer the most. And, f*ck! Because they are our parents, we don't have a choice but to obey them. What a joke.
Lucas exhaled a long sigh.
'Would you like to go somewhere, Audri?' he asked as he looked at me.
'Like, skipping class?' That elicited a response in my ears.
'Yeah. Game?' I see that grin once more.
'F*ck class,' I exclaimed.
'F*ck life!' he yelled.
~ ~ ~
We went to a place where I had no idea a nearby city could have something like this. To get here, we drove for about an hour in my car. And I was afraid he was going to kidnap me or something while we were driving because the places I usually visit are quite far away. But wait for a second! This location is stunning. I have no regrets about accompanying him.
It's obvious that it's a long way from the city. We parked our car a short distance down the main road and walked the narrow path. A small lake is surrounded by lush greenery. Despite the lack of flowers, the trees provide adequate shade and fresh air. I'd say I simply felt life.
'Do you come here frequently?'
'No,' he replied, 'I only come here if I'm with a beautiful woman.'
That's not funny, and I'm hoping he didn't mean it.
I move a little closer to the lake. How did it get so calm and clear? I can clearly see my reflection. When I dampen my hand in the water, it feels really cool. My body is getting cold, and I'm tempted to go swimming. Should I go ahead with it? Then I hear the voice of Nilliam. I'd completely forgotten I'd been with him.
'I'm kidding,' he clarified, retracting his remark.
'This place is breathtaking.' I let out a small yell.
'Just like you.'
'Stop doing that,' I say. I return my focus to the lake. It's actually urging me to go swimming.
'That true, though.'
I know, Nilliam. I'm aware that I'm appealing.
'But I don't...' I mutter.
He says, 'Fine, fine, fine.' 'I'm sorry.'
He rummaged through his bag for something. It's made of a dark fabric. He unfolded it and set it down on the grass. He sat down on it after that.
'Come, sit with me,' he says, tapping his hand on the cloth.
'Later.'
I stripped naked, revealing only my underwear.
'Woah, Woah! Wait! You'd better stop that, lady.' Nilliam yelled.
Just stay there, Nilliam. I'll just have to take advantage of the cool river.
'It's freaking cold!' I screamed.
The water chilled my body, but I didn't mind. I'm just living in the present moment. Then I noticed Nilliam taking off his clothes.
'Can I join in the fun?' he inquired.
Let me describe his body for you before I respond. His skin isn't as white as it could be, but he does have a broad shoulder that girls adore. Nilliam has muscles in his arms, thighs, and legs, as well as his abs, which I'm not sure I like. Does he go to the gym to work out? How did he get such a body? But, honestly, he has such a good body that you can't help but gulp.
'Can you swim, though?' I had enquired.
'Of course!' exclaims Nilliam. Then he dives into the water. 'Wow, that's really cold!' He yelled as he dove into the water.
'I told you,' I explained.
'Why did you strip naked in front of me?' he wondered, wiping his face with his hands.
'No, I didn't. Why? Did you feel something?' I replied.
'What, what f-felt?' When I asked him that question, he looked surprised.
Nilliam. You're blushing all over again.
'I was right. You're flushed right now.'
'No, I'm not,' he responds. He swam away from me after that.
'You know, you're a little too obvious.' I couldn't stop laughing.
WAIT! DID I JUST LAUGH? This is completely unacceptable. I dive beneath the water's surface as my body couldn't take the coldness any longer.
I exit the lake and walk to the lake's side to retrieve my clothes. I walked over to the cloth Nilliam had prepared and sat down.
'This is truly incredible.' I muttered something.
I lay down on the cloth. As I take in the scenery, I notice the sky. I can see the trees dancing with the wind every time it blows. How can these things be unconcerned with the rest of the world? Why can't I do it without thinking of anything? Can I just be a tree for a day and dance around, casting shadows on the other living creatures beneath me?
Then Nilliam lay down next to me.
'What are you thinking?' he asked.
'Can I pretend to be a tree for the day?' I replied.
'I'd be the wind then,' he says.
'Why?' I asked, my gaze fixed on him.
'So that I could dance with you,' he explains. He is also staring at me.
We remained there for a while, staring at each other, scanning each other's eyes. His eyes are stunning; they're saying something to me, but I'm not sure what. My heart was overflowing with...
What? What was the state of my heart?
As I looked into Nilliam's eyes, my heartfelt warmth, and I could hear my heartbeat quicken. This is unusual. This is extremely odd! Nooooo!
Then, all of a sudden, Nilliam's face approaches mine.
So, what exactly are you up to? What exactly are you doing? I'm unable to move.
Then I felt his lips touch mine. What exactly is this feeling? I don't really understand this!
My eyes close as I feel his lips on mine. It's soft, so soft and moist, and his breath smells good. His right hand wrapped around my back and up to my neck, drawing my body closer to him. I could feel the heat radiating from his body. I run my hands around his shoulders while our lips are still entwined. It's warm and calm. It's f*cking warm, and I'm enjoying it.
Then I came back to my senses and...
'Stop...' I grumbled.