My father placed me under house arrest this weekend as a result of the incident involving Nilliam that night, and it's been three days. Dad was irritated with me that night, and the only thing I got from his slap was a bruise on my face. That night, he told me that I was only being used by Nilliam and that I would suffer as a result of my involvement with him. I wanted to tell my father that I knew exactly what he was saying from the start, but who cares? For someone who is hoping to experience some sort of emotion, it doesn't matter what kind of emotion I experience during the process. I'm in such a desperate situation.
As a result, I'll have a bruise on my face when I arrive at school this morning. What a wonderful life I lead, don't you think? I will use makeup to conceal this bruise so that it does not appear as if I have been physically abused. Am I being abused? You decide.
I enjoy spending time in the library because of the small number of students who visit there. When I got to school, I went straight to the library to get a book that I'd been meaning to read while waiting for the school bell to ring. Gean, meanwhile, has arrived in search of a book.
'Gean,' I addressed to her.
She didn't respond in any way. She continues to do what she is doing. Are we still not on good terms?
'Hey,' I said again. 'Are you still upset with me?' I asked as I am worried about her actions.
She didn't say anything, she just looked at me and walked over to the desk she was going to use. I grab whatever book is in my hand and walk over to Gean's desk to try to talk to her. I took up the available space in front of her.
'Can we at least talk so I can figure out what's going on?'
'I'm not mad at you.' She said.
'What exactly is the problem?'
'Nothing.' She replied shortly.
'I know I'm emotionless, Gean, but I'm not stupid for not grasping certain things.'
'Right. You don't feel anything. Well Audria, that's the problem.'
What she had said to me made me confused. She's always known I'm the type of person who feels nothing about almost everything. What exactly is her issue with this right now?
'I'm not sure I get that, Gean.' I honestly don't understand her right now.
'You'll never understand it,' she said directly.
'Does this have anything to do with Nilliam?' I asked her.
Gean is staring me down with her eyes closed, and I notice she is making a fist with her hands.
'If this is about Nilliam, then...' she cut me off in the middle of my sentence.
'And then what?' Gean appears to be agitated at the moment. 'And you're going to lie again?' she added.
'Wait, what? I've never lied to you.' In the affirmative, I replied.
'Really? All right. So Nilliam is the one who's lying here,' Gean said.
'About what? What did he say?'
After that, she didn't say anything else.
'There isn't anything between me and Nilliam, Gean.'
'Stop lying.' She raises her voice a bit.
'No, I'm not.'
'I saw you both in the garden last week, enjoying each other's company,' Gean said.
I wasn't able to respond right away to Gean.
'We... we were just talking,' I explained.
'Why would you want to talk together anyway?' She sounded more irritated than enraged.
'What not?' I stated. 'Because you like him?' I continued.
'You know what? Let me tell you something. This conversation is nonsense.' She gathered her belongings and stood up, walking away from me. She simply left me there.
I'm well aware that I didn't tell her about me and Nilliam talking. But, to be honest, I'm confused as to why she's acting this way. This is the first time she has publicly expressed her displeasure with me. Despite the fact that she is a bully who constantly makes fun of me, she has done a lot of good for me in a subtle way. I consistently obey her orders because it makes her happy, and I'm using that to feel a little better about myself. To be honest, if it hadn't been for Geans's efforts, I would still be an empty flower vase. I mean, I'm still empty, but thanks to her and Nilliam, I'm starting to sprout roots, which I think is a good thing.
I let out a sigh as Gean walks away from me. Should I stop talking to Nilliam so she won't be so angry with me? But, if I do that, am I not also being unfair to him? They are the only people in this school who have ever spoken to me, and I would be stupid to choose between them. I could tell myself that they are nice to me and have a positive impact on my school life, which is what is most important to me. I wouldn't call them friends in the traditional sense, but they are doing something for me that I appreciate. Of course, I know what Nilliam's intentions are because he has already stated that he likes me, and Gean is the one who is bringing life to my dead soul due to her wild and jolly personality. I'm aware that I'm somehow using them, but is that wrong?
I get up from my chair because I need to go to class right now, but the book I was holding earlier has fallen to the floor. I'd completely forgotten that I'd been sitting on something. I pick up the book that had fallen to the floor; it got open when it fell, and I'm not sure what it is, but it doesn't appear to be a book. So I take it up to examine it more closely.
The cover of the book is hard and black, with the word "Journal" written in grey text on it. Surprisingly, there is nothing written on the back of the book. It's just plain black.
'This isn't a book,' I muttered. 'It's a journal.' When I realized I wasn't holding a book.
I toss the book back on the table.
'Should I hand it over to the librarian?' I pondered the question internally. 'But, whose journal is this?' I queried. 'Should I check? Is it all right to check inside the journal?' That could be the case.
I take it back in my hand and turn to the first page of the journal. There isn't anything there. It's simply a blank page.
'What about the back page?' I'll check it again.
And, yes, this journal's owner is...
'NILLIAM?' I burst out laughing. 'Nilliam? Nilliam who?' It could be him. 'Or the Nilliam I know might not be the one.'
I go over the entire back and front of the journal, as well as the sides. Nothing. I can't seem to find anything that will lead me to the owner who goes by the name Nilliam.
'How come he didn't even put his surname on the journal?' I exhale an irritated sigh.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, the bell rang.
'Oh sssh*t, maybe I could return this journal later,' I reasoned.
I quickly tucked the journal into my bag and dashed into my class.
The first class of the day in History. Don't you think this is a fantastic subject, to begin with? If you were sleepy when you arrived at school, you will most likely fall asleep again in the classroom because History class is in session. In my case, this would be a further challenge because I will be seeing Nilliam in the classroom because we are in the same class. Given that I don't want to see him right now, should I ask as to whether he owns a journal?
'Perhaps later,' I utter. I kept my voice low.
Then I shift my gaze to Gean, and I notice that she is staring at me. She appears to be bothered by my presence and then turns to face Nilliam. She turns to face me after a brief glance at him and gives me a dirty finger. Gean, you're such a b*tch. I avert my gaze and simply nod in agreement with Gean's actions.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
My father called me at 4 p.m., exactly after I finished my last class. He threatened to come and pick me up from school if I didn't go home right away. That is something I do not want to happen again. So I dash to the parking lot and, surprise, surprise! Nilliam had already arrived and was expecting my arrival. As I get closer to him, he smiles and looks at me with a lovely expression.
'This is not a good time, Nilliam,' I thought to myself.
My approach to him is getting closer; his smile is still intact.
'Are you a camera?' he asked.
'Because I make you smile?' I replied to him and rolled my eyes.
When I replied, he burst out laughing.
'That's an old pick-up line that's been around for a thousand years, Nilliam.' I tacked on.
'I know, I know. I was expecting that kind of answer from you, and that's exactly what I intended to do.' At this point, he's still laughing.
I'm not sure what it is about him that makes me feel lighter whenever I'm with him. I had been irritated by my father for a while, but that feeling vanished as soon as I saw Nilliam. Is it his smile or his expressive eyes that catch my eye? I honestly don't know.
'What exactly are you doing here?'
'Hmm, I'd like to give you something.' His eyes twinkled.
'Give me something? What is it?'
He opens his bag and pulls out a paper bag from inside.
'Here,' he said, handing me the paper bag.
'Is this a present or something?' I inquired. 'It's not yet my birthday.' I included
'I know. I just wanted to give you something,' he explained. 'Open it.'
When I open the paper bag, I find another box wrapped in yellow paper inside.
'Yeah, open the box.' Nilliam said with a smile on his face.
My eyes couldn't believe what they were seeing when I opened the box, which was wrapped in yellow paper.
'Nilliam...' I said. As I stare at him, I'm confused.
'Why? Do you not like it?'
'This is expensive!' This is rare!' 'Wait... nooo.' I'm completely taken aback right now.
'Well, it doesn't cost me much if it makes you happy, does it?' he reasoned.
It's a music box containing a collection of Harry Styles songs. It's one of Harry's merchandise items that I've been wanting to get my hands on, but it's been difficult for me to obtain one because it's expensive and, more importantly, it's been customized by Harry.
'How did you get this?' I'm still in a state of shock.
'Not telling.' He just gives me a friendly smile.
'I'm not going to take it for free. How much does it cost?' I inquired.
'Hey, hey! That is a gift, so you don't have to pay for it.' He let out a chuckle.
'But, Nilliam...' he cut me off in the middle of my sentence.
'Ssshhh! I'm not asking for anything; all I want is for you to smile.'
When I look into his eyes, I see that he is honest with his words. He's not doing it to impress me; he's doing it because he cares about me and wants to help. That makes me feel good on the inside. It's reassuring to know that, despite my attitude and personality, someone cares about me. This is a pleasant feeling. I believe the rooted seed that is currently in the flower vase has sprouted leaves.
'Thank you, Nilliam,' I said, giving him a warm hug then he hugs me back tightly.