Chereads / The Flowers Under My Pillow / Chapter 7 - IF There Is Love

Chapter 7 - IF There Is Love

I awoke early in the morning to help my mother prepare breakfast and water the plants. I was in the garden when I was reminded of the previous night's scene, in which her father became enraged at her. I'm just hoping he didn't hurt her in any way. I recall her phone. I dashed down the street. It had been dumped in the bushes alongside the road. The phone is still in good working order when I go to pick it up. I was carrying the phone when my mother noticed me.

'Does that belong to her?' Mom inquired.

'Yes, ma,' I said.

'Is it broken?' she inquired once more.

'Fortunately, it is still working. I'll give it to her later at school.'

'Good, on the other hand, don't force her to say anything to you, okay?'

'I understand what you're saying, ma.'

'Don't be so worried.' Mom added.

My mother is without a doubt the only person who truly understood the situation last night. She suffered greatly as a result of her abusive parents, and she eventually married another abusive person, my father. Life can appear to be a cruel joke at times. It will give you the worst possible outcomes, but it will also give you the best possible things. There will always be people who are fortunate and those who are unlucky. Every positive must be balanced by a negative. I'm not sure why my mother has to go through all of this; I don't understand why she has to go through all of this just to prove to the world that she is strong enough to survive. Is that how it really is? Is it necessary for people to suffer in order to reach the pinnacle? However, not everyone has the strength to stand up to the abuse and simply give up. What is going to become of them? Should they suffer indefinitely? But, in the end, it wasn't their fault. They, like my mother, are simply victims of life. Every time I look into my mother's eyes, I can see that the pain of the past is still there inside of her, and I know there's nothing I can do to change that. The reality of pain is that it lasts a certain amount of time and cannot be forced to go away until it reaches a certain point. The acceptance.

I moved closer to my mother so I could hug her and tell her, "I love you, ma."

She seemed confused, but she simply accepted my love for her.

'I love you too, anak.'

At 8:15 a.m., I arrived at school. My first class is at 8:30 a.m., so I need to find her and hand her the phone before class.

'Great! I don't know what her major is.' I was talking to myself.

I looked in a few classrooms and hallways, but she wasn't there. I went to the library and the canteen, but she was nowhere to be found. I need to get back to my class right away because it's already 8:26.

'I'll give it to her later,' I stated. 'I'm hoping to track her down.'

I make my way to the classroom, but I hear a voice behind me. I take a step back.

'Are you looking for me?'

'Oh, there you are. Yes! I was looking for you.' I replied.

'That's sweet. Someone is looking for me.'

She seems to be in a good mood. She doesn't appear to have been abused the night before. I don't see any bruises on her face; in fact, when I look at her, she appears to be smiling and happy.

'Isn't this, by the way, yours?' I handed her the phone I was holding.

'Wow. Thank you. I dropped it last night in the car and then forgot about it.'

She, of course, made an excuse. She has no plans to tell me what happened last night.

'Don't be worried. You're lucky I was the one who found it,' I explained.

'Why? Are you worried about the fact that I have naked photos on my phone?' She looked at me for a fraction of a second before bursting out laughing.

'What? N-noooo...' To be honest, that's a little awkward. Right now, I'm getting a flush on my cheeks.

'I'm kidding, Nilliam,' she explained. At this point, she's still laughing.

It's a massive relief. She appears to be... content.

'I had no idea you could actually laugh.' I'm laughing along with her right now.

'Hey, I think we should go to class now,' I said.

She took a look at her wristwatch.

'Ah, yes, that's right.'

'Shall we go?'

'Ah, Nilliam,' she paused.

I turn my head to look at her once more.

'Yeah?'

'Would you like to fly?'

I'm confused as to why she's asking me this at this time. We're going to be late!

'Of... course?' I respond hesitantly. 'But, really, we have to go now.' I'm not going to be late for anything.

'Let me show you.' Her tone became happier.

'N-now?' When I inquired, she responded with a friendly smile.

After some thought, I realized she does not want to go to class, but she does want to skip classes today. Tell you what, if I'm correct, this is the first time in my life that I've skipped a class.

'Yes.' She said it in a cool, collected tone.

Of course, I'm hesitant to accompany her because I have a lot of work to do, especially in my major subjects. But... this could be the last time she'll invite me, right? So...

'Where?' I quickly changed my mind.

She extended her hand to me and asked, 'Do you trust me?' before flashing me that lovely smile once more.

'I believe... so?' As our hands come together and make contact, my heart skips a beat. There was another emotion present, not mine, but hers. It had an impact on me.

We've arrived at a vantage point from which we appear to have a 360-degree view of the sky. It's ridiculously high! To be honest, I've never been to this location before. Our living space at home was similar, but this location is significantly better and unquestionably higher. Despite the fact that the wind is blowing hard in my face and the sun is shining brightly, I am not feeling hot. My surroundings are densely forested and grassy. This location is very pleasant. This is absolutely incredible!

'Can you tell me anything about this place?' I inquired.

'I don't know what it's called, but this is my favorite spot on the whole island,' she says. She's grinning as she says something.

'Really? So you like this kind of scenery as well?' I inquired once more.

'Yes. 'Don't you think it has a very calming effect?'

'You're right. This is absolutely stunning.' I close my eyes and feel the wind envelop my entire body as if it were carrying me away.

'And... we have total freedom here,' she added.

She was staring off into space when I looked at her. She sits on the ground, and I take up a spot beside her too.

'What did you bring me here?' I asked as I'm still a bit confused.

'Why not?' She replied to my question.

'Do you have regrets coming here?' She has a frown on her face as she looks at me.

'No, no. I like this. I'm glad to be here.' I gave her a friendly smile.

Then she said, 'Thank you,' without looking at me. I could say, 'You're welcome,' but I don't think that's what she means when she says thank you. I believe it goes deeper than that.

After she said that, she was deafeningly quiet. I didn't say anything, either. I'm waiting for her to speak up.

'What made you approach me on that particular day, Nilliam?' She inquired. 'Did you think I was pitiful as well?' She hasn't given me a second look. She's staring off into space, and I'm staring back at her.

'Uhm... I think you're a fascinating person. And I'll feel bad about myself if I never speak to you.'

She eventually turned to face me. Her eyes are sparkling brightly once more, sending shivers up my spine.

'I was in such a bad mood that day,' she says, 'that I had the impression I was a piece of trash.' She lowered her chin to her chest.

'Exactly,' I replied.

'What?' She frowned as she was kind of confused about what I replied to her.

'As someone who is deeply concerned about the environment, I feel obligated to pick you up.' I went on, then gave her a grin.

She looked at me again, and this time she burst out laughing.

'Wow, Nilliam, that was really smooth.' At this point, she's still laughing.

While looking at her and observing her actions. It's now clear why I find her so fascinating. Every time she remains silent, I can feel the inner peace that she is experiencing. I know something is bothering her on the inside, but how does she maintain such a calm demeanor? Based on the way I looked at her smiling face staring blankly somewhere, I got the impression that her soul was wandering around with her. Her own self and soul are completely in sync with one another. And that is something I admire greatly. She claims that this place is calming, but I believe she is the one who is bringing about that calmness, and I am more than fortunate to witness it.

The wind expresses itself once more. Right now, I'm having a great time. I'm just sitting quietly next to her. I'm used to conversing with the non-living creatures that surround me because they're the only ones who can give me the peace I seek. But that is no longer the case. 'You, too, bring me comfort.'

I lie down on the grass and look up at the sky. The sun does not bother me.

'Do you believe that life is unfair?' Looking up at the sky, I inquired.

She also lay down next to me when she noticed me doing so, and then she responded.

'I don't think life is unfair; it's just that it's not for everyone to enjoy,' she said.

Wow.

'Exactly what do you mean by that?'

'Hhhmm... Some people, you know, have experienced life after having experienced death. And when I say "death," I don't mean "die" physically, but rather "die" on the inside even if they are still alive. And it can be that way at times. There is no reason, and there are no answers.'

'But what if the answers are right in front of them and they're just not looking?' I bravely asked.

'I have my doubts...' They couldn't see the answers because they weren't intended for them.'

'Wow, that's... profound.'

When I look at her from the side, I wonder if she is experiencing the "death" she is referring to. I had no idea she had such deep thoughts.

'How about you,' she asks. 'Do you think life is unfair?' she asked back.

I raise my gaze once more to the sky.

'It is unfair to those who truly understand life,' I said.

'Do you think so?' she asked.

'Yeah.'

'Do you think we could truly understand life?'

'Maybe.'

'Does it mean that life is still fair to us because we don't understand it?'

'Possibly.'

'Do you believe that love is the source of life?'

'I think so.'

'Do you believe that life is about love?'

'No,' I respond.

'Really?' she asked, 'Why not?'

'Because love exists in life, but life does not always necessarily mean love. They are diametrically opposed. Some people believe that life is all about surviving and suffering. Not everyone believes that love is the most important thing in life.'

'But you believe that love is the source of all life.'

'Yeah. We will live if there is love.' I answered.

She abruptly became extremely quiet. So I turn around and take another look at her from the side. Her emotion vanishes completely.

'What's wrong? Did I say...' Because she stood up from the ground, I couldn't finish my question.

'Do you want to fly now?'

'Fly where?' I inquired.

'Anywhere,' she said, holding out her hand.

We then made our way to the cliff's edge. The wind is extremely powerful. The trees get smaller as you get closer to the bottom. It's fortunate that I'm not afraid of heights.

'Are you ready?' she inquired. I cast a sidelong glance at her.

'Yeah!' I exclaimed.

'Now, extend your arms like this. Close your eyes and fly like a bird.' She gave me directives.

I carried out her instructions. The moment I closed my eyes, it felt magical. It appears that I am really flying.

'I'm flying... I'm flying!!' I'm screaming.

I swayed along with the wind, letting my body dance in the wind, as it blew heavily into our bodies. When I looked at her, she was doing the same thing I was. Dancing in the wind. As I continue to look at her, I notice that she is getting closer to the edge while her arms remain extended.

'W-what are you... doing?' I started to feel worried. She's not paying attention to what I'm saying.

She keeps walking closer to the cliff's edge, letting her body sink to the bottom. She flew away like a bird.