Who were you today?
I almost didn't recognize you.
Your body flew like a balloon that a child had forgotten to hold.
You've gotten so far away from the ground that all you can see is a big dark hole.
I kept calling your name from a distance.
But you were too far away to notice I was right in front of you.
- Dandelion
I saw a dandelion today and thought it would be appropriate to turn it into a poem because it already has a poetic appearance. Dandelions can represent many things, including freedom, happiness, and positivity, but they most often represent saying goodbye to oneself to me. Even trying to put it into words would be difficult, but I considered it because that's exactly how I felt when I saw the dandelion today. When something bad happens, we easily detach from ourselves because it's the least we can do to avoid being hurt. What we don't realize is that our desire to avoid pain is causing us to hurt ourselves in the first place. After attempting to flee and then fleeing the possibility of pain once more, we realize we have lost all sense of who we are. Hurt is not always a negative experience; it is a part of your emotions that expresses your belief that you are deserving of genuine happiness and true love.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I had just finished my classes but didn't want to go home yet, so I came straight here to my favorite spot and wrote a poem about what I saw on my way home today. It is not far from our house; in fact, it is directly behind us. It is situated on higher ground, similar to a small hill, and offers a stunning view of the sea. I built a bench and a table beneath the three, and on the other side, I made a swing out of a car tire tied to a mango tree branch. This place is really special to me because it is very peaceful, the wind is very soothing, and no one will bother me because it is far from anyone's home. In short, if you happen to visit this place, I will most likely be the only person you will see. My mother only came here once and never returned because she dislikes hiking.
Today at school, I spoke with someone I had never met before. She's very quiet and doesn't appear to have many friends. When I first saw her in one of our classes, I thought she'd make a good friend. We might be able to be friends because I don't like being in loud places. So I went to speak with her. I assumed she wouldn't talk to me because she doesn't appear approachable to others, but I believe she's simply too shy to express herself or is afraid of being judged. In either case, she's just like the rest of the people here who need to talk to someone.
She was always alone when I saw her at school. She's sometimes with other girls, but she's always silent and just sits there listening to them. They aren't bullying her, in my opinion. I haven't seen them do anything bad to her, but if I do, I will not hesitate to confront them. I moved in closer to talk to her. I can tell by the look in her eyes that she is aloof from people. I'm sure there's a reason for this.
I've always seen her from afar and never realized how expressive her eyes are. Her eyes kept me distracted as I spoke to her. Her eyes are a light brown color. It shines whenever it comes into contact with sunlight. Her long black hair sways in the breeze, and her candy-colored lips. I'm not sure why I'm describing her in this way, but I think she's attractive; she just doesn't seem to care.
While I was speaking with her, I had the impression that she was concealing her true self. I'm so intrigued by this that I want to befriend her so I can figure out what's going on behind those incredibly expressive eyes of hers.
'I... would like to get to know you.' That's what I told her.
Her response, on the other hand, was deafeningly silenced. To be honest, it didn't bother me at all. I also don't want to put any pressure on her because that is also not a good thing. I'd like to get to know her not because she's shy or beautiful (though both of those qualities are present), but because she seems like someone I'd like to get to know. Despite the fact that I could sense a lot of emotion in her presence, she appeared to be in complete control of the situation. How did she manage to do that? How did she keep her emotions under control and her emotions hidden from almost everything in her environment? This is something I'd like to learn more about her. That is something I would like to do as well.
'Can I come along the next time?' This was something I asked about.
When I asked her, all she gave me was a shy look and a 'Maybe' in her soft voice.
But, at the very least, she is aware of my true feelings for her. I'm not sure whether I should look forward to it or ignore it. I'd like to get to know her better and maybe become friends with her. Obviously, if she doesn't like it, I won't force myself to do it; instead, I'll just continue to be a strange and emotional engineering student.
When I accidentally grabbed her arm earlier, however, something bothered me right away. Her arm was bruised and hidden under her sleeve, which surprised me. She looked at me, unconcerned that I could see her bruises. She even looked at me as she walked away. I was unable to speak as a result of the questions that were forming in my mind. What caused the bruises, and why did she have them? Did she get beaten up? Is she ill? Did she trip and fall? Those are the questions in my mind. For whatever reason, those bruises bother me right now. If she's in a lot of pain, I hope she doesn't turn into a dandelion and stops choosing herself.
I decided to go home because it was getting dark and the mosquitoes were slowly leaving their house. I'm aware that our house's lights have already been turned on. Mom is probably preparing our dinner right now.
'Hi, ma' As I said this, I kissed her on the cheek.
'Were the mosquitoes eating you alive up there?' she inquired.
'Did you know I was there?'
'Yeah,' she says.
'I saw you earlier in the day while I was planting my new plant in the garden.'
'Why didn't you call me?'
'I don't want to interfere with your writing time.'
'All right, what are you making for dinner?' I inquired of my mother.
'What would you like to eat? I'm still in the process of cooking rice.'
'I have no idea, ma. 'It is up to you,' I said, smiling at her.
To be honest, I don't mind what my mother cooks because everything she makes is delicious, so I'm not worried about what she'll prepare for our meals. In fact, deciding what to eat can be a difficult task.
Someone outside our house called my name while I was in my room changing my uniform, and my mother came into my room to tell me that someone was looking for me outside. I was a little perplexed. So I changed my clothes right away and went to see if anyone was looking for me. I walked right into our living room.
'Who's looking for me, Ma?' What I witnessed astounded me.
'Hello, Nilliam,' she said as she stood up.
'Oh hello, there!' It's she! It's she! My ears are ringing with delight.
'I'm sorry for visiting this late.'
'No, no, no, no. It's not a big deal. Please take a seat,' I gave her a warm smile.
The silence in the living room had become deafening. I'm not sure why.
'Oh, by the way, why are you here?' I cleared my throat.
'Do you think you could help me?' she inquired.
'From where precisely?' In the affirmative, I replied. She wears a solemn expression on her face.
'I know it sounds crazy, but... could you please help me in writing a poem?'
'Is that all?' I inquired.
'Yeah.'
'You could have just texted me, and we could have done it the next day at school.'
'Oh, I'm sorry to bother you if you're busy.'
'No!' My voice raises slightly.
She was taken aback when she saw my reaction.
'I mean, our house is a little far away from yours, and it's not safe to come here alone.'
'No,' she says, 'that's fine with me.' 'I'm not the kind of person who gets scared easily.' With an awkward grin, she smiled at me.
This is getting a little awkward. What was I thinking when I did that? Geeze!
'Okay... so, do you need it right now?'
'I've got to have it by Thursday.'
'You could have told me while we were talking earlier.'
'I'm really sorry,' she says, 'I just...'
'But don't worry, I've got you covered. I'll assist you after school tomorrow.'
She smiled at me again, and the light in her eyes shone brightly. It's causing me to go blind, but I can't stop staring. It's blazingly bright. It's absolutely breathtaking. I'm completely baffled by what is going on. All I know is that I want to be able to see beyond that visible light.
'Nak, Nilliam?'
Then I realized my mother was constantly calling me while I was staring at her.
'Oh, ma!' I stated. I regained control of my emotions.
'I know she's lovely, but let's go get some food first.' She spoke softly into my ears.
I was feeling a little self-conscious. That is totally embarrassing. What is it about you that you can't keep your emotions in check?
'Hija, hold off on going home just yet. Please come to dinner with us,' mom said.
'Yeah! Let's grab a bite to eat before you head home.' My humiliation is still fresh in my mind.
She smiled at us.
Her phone rang in the middle of our meal, and she was startled when she realized who was calling. She pushed herself out of the chair and said that she had to go home right away.
'Are you going to leave right now?', I asked. 'You haven't finished your meal yet,' I reminded her.
'I'm really sorry, tita; I must return home now.' She appears nervous when she says that to my mother.
'O-okay. 'Please let me accompany you outside the house.' I stated.
'It's fine,' she said hesitantly, 'thank you for dinner.' She said this and then walked out the door, saying nothing else.
I followed her outside, completely unaware that I was there. She was running down the road when she answered the phone as if she was afraid of who was calling her. I'm still following her, and as I got closer, I noticed a man waiting for her. It was almost as if she was explaining something to him as she stood in front of him.
'Who is that guy?' I spoke to myself in hushed tones.
I was about to approach her to hear what she was saying when the man grabbed her phone and threw it away. He appeared to be in a state of rage. I wanted to go there, but my mother stopped me and took both of my arms in hers.
'Don't. You can make things worse' she said. 'Speak with her at school tomorrow.'
When my mother intervened and stopped me from doing something stupid, I felt the rage leave my body. She is, however, correct. Before I can decide what to do, I need to find out what happened. All I ask is that she trusts me enough to share this information with me.
As I look in front of me, my mother started to walk home. I remember being particularly enraged at my father for beating her. I just don't understand why he feels the need to beat my mother for no apparent reason every time she does something that appears to be a mistake for him. He's a violent man, and I despise people who act like this.