Unfortunately, I still had to be displayed for large groups of people who jeer and laugh at me, hoping to get some sort of response from me. I've thankfully learned how to tune them out; so, although I appear to stare curiously from the shadows, my mind is elsewhere, dancing among thoughts of trees and singing birds.
No one really noticed my new skirt (probably because I never came close enough for them to notice the skirt). It was still the same routine, but the small break from the public in order to obtain the skirt was much needed and my mind felt cleared and less stressed now that the majority of the crowd had passed.
We never heard Leopard's voice announce the freakshow until sometime in the afternoon. I learned later from Ivan that FatCat had been advertising the show because Leopard was nowhere to be found. Ivan and I both seemingly sighed in unison; it wasn't uncommon for the man to disappear for long periods of time throughout the day. It's a wonder he hasn't been fired yet!
Probably because he does his job so damn well, no doubt.
When Leopard did return to his post, however, Ivan and I gradually began a chat about the freakshow leader's more amusing qualities. We giggled at the strange way he enunciated his words and how his voice would abruptly crescendo into an almost clown-like falsetto. Ivan's imitation of the man was spot-on and I laughed harder than I've ever laughed before. He achieved the falsetto spikes and even managed his hoarse grumble perfectly. Whereas Ivan's imitation was comically perfect, mine was a demonic overlap of different voices and I decided after giving it a try once, that I'd leave the Leopard-voice to Ivan.
Overall, the day was as average as it could get in a circus. Just one more day in the books for me. The show was successful and it put TomCat in a good mood (especially towards me). He congratulated everyone on a job well done and his farewells to the guests were pleasant and kind. I was glad he was in such a good mood; perhaps he would be merciful if he made a visit. Or maybe he wouldn't visit at all and I'd be spared.
Ivan and I hung around in the Backyard near the animal pens to wait if anyone needed any help moving props or cleaning. Everyone seemed to be faring well without us, so we simply sat against the tigers' pen and talked some more.
"Did you see when Bear dropped his whip?" Ivan wondered with a small smile.
I giggled, "That was really funny! Not even the bear knew what to do!"
Ivan laughed, "Yeah, he just stood there like, 'er... what?'" We continued to snicker and joke about some other mishaps for a while until our moment was abruptly interrupted by a shuffling of feet nearby. We both thought it was someone or maybe more than one someone-s coming to tell us they needed help with something. We remained quiet, listening to the footsteps scrape against the dirt floor and fluctuate in pace. They would speed up, then slow, then stop and then the pattern would repeat in odd intervals.
It wasn't until a moment later did we hear voices. They were muffled and quiet, too quiet for us to figure out who it was and it made our curiosity grow and blossom. I was the first one to scoot to the edge of the cage and peer around the corner, Ivan followed suit and peered just above my head. In the darkness of the Backyard and the looming forest behind, we saw two people. They were pressed against each other, with the taller of the two pinning the other against the back of an animal cage.
Ivan hummed in my ear, "Oh... I wonder who the lovebirds are now."
"Love-b-birds?" I repeated, "It c-could just be T-Tom and someone else l-like always."
We watched the two passionately kiss each other for a while longer. I felt like a creep, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the heated scene. Ivan backed away first, and he urged me to do the same to give them some privacy. I ignored him, too enthralled with the steamy scene to really think of common decency.
I'm glad I watched long enough before Ivan pulled me away. The two paused their kiss long enough for me to make out a few features of the two; both were men and the one I could see the most of was significantly taller than his partner... So it is TomCat with someone else... but with a man?! Damn, I often forget he enjoys the company of men sometimes.
Ivan pulled me away, and without even considering my words first, I blurted out what I had seen.
"It w-was the ring-m-mas-s-ter with a m-man!"
Ivan's brows furrowed and he shook his head, "No, that can't be right. TomCat isn't a homosexual," he stated. For some reason, his words made me remember a time when I was seated awkwardly in a dining room chair, with a young Reginald MacSeren making delicate cuts to what was left of my head of hair. It was then that I remembered Tom did indeed tell me that Ivan was a handsome devil and he would gladly share a bed with him. I now know what he meant when he said that...
"Well... k-keep it bet-t-tween us... b-but..." I started in a timid whisper. Ivan's eyes narrowed and he stared at me intently.
"T-Tom likes m-men... and w-women," I continued quietly. My face flushed hot and red as if I had just messed up my greeting to a lord. Just by the look in Ivan's eyes, I could tell his train of thought had been thrown completely off its rails. He stared at me wordlessly with his lips parted to make an expression of pure shock and horror. I wasn't expecting him to react so differently towards such news but I guess that's why Tom told me not to say anything to anyone in the first place... I regretted my outburst at that moment.
"But... he's always with women!" Ivan mumbled to himself in disbelief. I nodded, no longer wishing to be a part of this situation any longer.
"He also l-likes a nice s-strong man once a-and a while," I added. Shut up, Tae! You're making it worse!!
Ivan grimaced, either out of disgust or discomfort, I wasn't quite sure. The time that passed while he stared off into space, rethinking his entire understanding of the known womaniser that was our ringmaster was excruciating. I felt as if I were the one who was being put on the spot for being on the homosexual spectrum.
"Maybe w-we shouldn't d-dwell on this," I urged, gently pushing Ivan and hoping he would understand my want to evacuate the situation. To my dismay, the man refused my insistence and instead pushed past me to take another peek around the corner. He stayed there for a few seconds, and I feared he would confront the two for acting so scandalously. But to my relief, he finally moved away and stood to his feet, muttering that they had disappeared and we should move on from the subject.
I nodded and, without hesitation, the both of us walked back to my cage to end our night. Ivan was quiet throughout the walk, and I could tell he was still thinking of what he had learned. Despite whatever he may think about Tom's sexual preferences, I had trust in him that he would keep the secret. He knew that if I say something needs to stay between us, it stays between us no matter what.
...
The next morning, I was dragged from my restful slumber by force when an all-too-familiar voice called my name. I groaned and rolled tiredly onto my other side to face the man at the bars of my cage. The bluish-grey sky silhouetted the tall figure of TomCat against the bars and I groaned again, thinking he was making a morning visit rather than a nightly visit like always.
"What...?" I croaked.
"I came to ask how the skirt was holding up?" He stated innocently. I didn't believe him. He wouldn't come before the sun even wakes up to ask me about a measly skirt. Although it sounds like something he would do, that's more on the lines of something Leopard would do, and he's a completely different type of weird.
"It's d-doing well," I answered quietly, not wanting to provoke any more questions from the man. Unfortunately, for me, he wasn't done yet and he sat himself down in the wooden chair reserved for Ivan. I kept my eyes on him, anxious by how close he was to the locked latch on the gate and how eerily calm he was being.
"What d-do you w-want?" I wondered with a fair amount of suspicion in my tone.
"Well, actually I came here to speak with you... I couldn't have Cheetah overhearing about our personal matters, otherwise I'd come later to let you sleep," Tom wrung his fingers like a nervous boy when telling a lie. I knew there was something different about his visit, but I wasn't letting his sobre attitude throw me off.
"I had an epiphany, shall we say, about my treatment of you... here. I realised, perhaps you aren't doing your best because you aren't happy and... I'd like to fix that," he explained. Normally, I would've jumped for joy once I fully processed his sentence; however, I actually found myself more suspicious of the man. There was an edge to his voice that seemed... empty. Like he was reading over a line for a show but he hadn't fully added his character to the part.
"Are y-you lying?" I wondered and I stunned myself by how upfront the question was. Tom's eyes flickered up to look at me and he shook his head.
"Of course not... I wouldn't lie to you like this," he stated. I still didn't believe him. My gut was telling me there's something else at play here, something he wasn't telling me. I studied his face for a while; reading his expression to see if I could catch a glimmer of the secret he was hiding. Perhaps he got caught with me and was threatened? Perhaps he got caught with someone else?
"Did s-someth-th-thing hap-p-pen?" I wondered softly. The air around us seemed to stiffen when Tom heard my words. He froze although his expression remained unreadable.
"T-Tom...?" I called. He blinked and shook his head as if coming out of a trance.
"N-no... nothing happened, I just... I want to make things right," he denied. Despite still not believing a word that came out of his mouth, I decided not to press him on his validity. He would show me how truthful he is through his actions.
"How w-will you d-do that?" I inquired, putting my focus now on how I can take advantage of Tom's unofficial offer.
"Whatever you wish, Demmy. I will let you do whatever you want and give you anything you need, just as long as you stay here with us and put on shows that dazzle everyone," Tom's charming smile finally showed itself through all his gloom and I couldn't help but return the smile. He was offering me unlimited freedom; for whatever cause he was keeping to himself, he's given me my one chance to be free again.
"Okay... I l-like your deal," I stated. Tom nodded thoughtfully and extended his hand through the bars to shake my hand. I shook it and thus our deal was sealed. My freedom was guaranteed without a doubt and I was ready to take every opportunity that came my way.
"Is there anything I can get you now? Before the circus opens?" Tom wondered as he stood and prepared his depart. I felt a cheeky grin take its place between my cheeks and I scooted closer to the bars to tell the ringmaster my request.
"Yes, act-t-tually... there is,"