As I was watching his back disappearing behind the door, I suddenly remembered the heated kiss we shared last night.
I may have been mean when I called it lame earlier, since it truly had been a very arousing kiss. But I wasn't going to admit that to Kurosawa-san in case he starts having weird thoughts about it.
Besides, his mumbles and declarations must have been the result of alcohol intoxication. It wasn't really true that he likes me, was it? I never picked up anything like that from him and he also didn't say it upfront. Therefore, surely, it cannot be true.
With these confusing thoughts, I kept myself busy for the rest of the day. Yet, I was unable to reach a satisfying conclusion. As such, I simply decided to stop thinking about it and forget everything happened.
With his recent avoidance, Kurosawa-san must have already put it behind him by now.
Reaching up to this point, I began feeling dejected.
What will happen now? Will he continue to avoid me? After all, it wasn't like he was supposed to do all those things for me, like cooking lunch or buying groceries.
He's my editor and maybe we have gotten closer to being friends, but that still didn't mean we had any other type of relationship. Maybe reverting back to a simple author-editor rapport is just natural.
Before I could fall further down in my gloom, the phone suddenly rang.
It was Kota-san.
I sighed deeply when I saw his name showing on the screen. This person… he surely knows how to pick the 'best' times to call.
"Keita-chan~~~! I hope you're at home because I am on my way to see you." Kota-san's loud voice came through the phone.
"If you wanted to make sure that I was at home, you should have called before leaving for my place."
"Oh, does that mean you're not there?"
"No, I'm home. You can come over." I said in a monotonous voice.
"Alright. I'll be there in five minutes. Get ready to talk."
"Eh? Talk about what?"
"About what's going on with you. I'm picking up unhappy vibes from your voice."
Before I could reply, Kota-san had already hung up.
So, he already figured out something was wrong with me just from this conversation? Such sharp senses… Sometimes it made me wonder if he also possesses special abilities like me.
True to his word, Kota-san arrived in five minutes. He began 'the questioning' the moment he took a seat on the couch.
That day I told Kota-san everything that happened until then, including the meeting with director Asakura-san and the drunken debacle from last night.
Maybe because I was feeling down, or perhaps because I was beginning to yearn for something I missed. Either way, I wanted to pour out all the confusing thoughts, hoping that by letting them out I could somehow make a better sense of things.
After listening to what I had to say, Kota-san remained silent for a few moments. After what felt like an eternity, he finally spoke.
"You should have at least fed him some hangover food. Letting him leave like that… You're so heartless, Keita-chan." Kota-san chided me with a teasing glint in his eyes.
"What are you saying?!" I puffed up like an angry cat. "After the way he acted you think I would give him food? That would be like rewarding a dog for biting me. There's no way I would do such an illogical thing!" I huffed in irritation.
"You say that, but I wonder if you really disliked it that much. Didn't you enjoy it, even a little bit?"
"I didn't! Not even one bit!"
"I don't think that's true." Kota-san shook his head slowly. "Otherwise, why would you feel this conflicted?"
After a short pause, he continued to speak slowly, while keeping his tone neutral.
"You like him, don't you? Kurosawa-kun, I mean. And not just as an editor or a friend, but more like a partner."
His question buzzed in my ears seconds after the sound faded.
Was what Kota-san said really true? Could it be possible that I really liked Kurosawa-san in that way?
It's true that I didn't find the kiss disgusting and, if I had to be very honest, I would say I didn't quite dislike it. But jumping from that to thinking about feelings, wasn't it too big of a leap?
Still, if I really did have feelings for him in a romantic way, when did they begin? And how come I never realized it before?
"Do I… really like him?" I questioned, staring blankly at the floor.
"You don't need me to tell you that. The answer is inside your heart. Just sort out those tangled thoughts of yours first and you'll be able to figure everything out."
"En, I'll think about it." I replied almost mechanically.
"Good. Also, one more thing. I know all these years you've kept yourself away from human interactions for fear of being hurt. But don't you think it's time for a change? After all, giving up an entire basket of apples just because of a few spoiled ones… isn't that too wasteful? Isn't it better to just throw away the bad ones and keep the good ones for yourself?"
Kota-san paused, tilting his head slightly to one side.
To my agitated mind, his voice resounded inside the room like a low, calming melody.
"In the end, life isn't made only of happy moments. Some bad things will surely happen from time to time. But it's our choice whether we focus on the good or the bad. If you get too caught up in suffering from a past setback, you might lose the chance to take a step forward into a brighter future."
Then, I felt a warm hand placed on top of my head and an even warmer voice resounded in my head.
'You just have to believe in yourself, Keita. Everything will be alright. And if it won't… Well, let's just worry about that when and if it happens.'
Honestly, Kota-san was really amazing, always knowing exactly what to say to make me feel less confused and conflicted. His words were like a soothing balm with immediate effect.
"Thank you, Subaru-san."
"Ooh, what is this? Using my first name… Could it be that I have gotten an upgrade?" Kota-san cried out, taking back his hand.
"I just thought it was time for a change." I replied with a smile.
Indeed, it was time for a change, one that was long overdue.