Not even five minutes after Asakura-san left, the doorbell rang. Thinking it must have been him returning because he forgot something, I opened the door without checking beforehand.
"Asakura-san did you forget… something?"
My voice slowly faded, the last word coming out as a little more than a whisper.
There, in front of me was not Asakura-san, but Kurosawa-san. His posture was rigid and his expression looked dejected.
"Kurosawa-san! Why are you here?" I asked while inviting him inside.
"I had something to talk to you about." He replied quietly. Even his voice sounded rather gloomy.
"What a coincidence. I also wanted to speak to you about something."
"Is… is that so…"
He gave me a faltering smile. Though he was trying hard to hide it, I could see the flicker of pain in his eyes. He somehow made me think of a wounded puppy.
Even though there was nothing for me to feel guilty about, that sorrowful image he displayed pricked at my conscience.
"Should I get you something?" I asked, trying to put my thoughts in order before broaching the subject.
"No, I'm good." He shook his head, then pulled out a few sheets of paper from his bag. "I read what you've sent me and it's good. The plot is also evolving nicely. I only had a few small annotations, which you can read here." He finished, handing me the papers.
"T-thank you, Kurosawa-san." I said, taking the papers from him. "I didn't expect you to finish reading it so soon. It's only been two days since I sent you the chapters."
"I… I wanted to get it done as soon as possible."
"I see. Well, if there is nothing else, I have something to…"
"Masato-sensei, wait!" he interrupted hurriedly. "I have something else to say."
I stared at him quietly for a moment, then nodded my head slowly.
"Go on. I'm listening." I leaned back into my seat. There was no need to be impatient.
Kurosawa-san hesitated for a second before beginning to talk. As he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, I noticed that his gaze was trembling slightly and he avoided looking me straight in the eye.
"Uhm, Masato-sensei, I wanted to tell you personally that… I will talk to Kota-san today to replace me as your editor. So, today will be my last day in the company."
His words fell like the crack of lightning and the booming of a thunder echoed inside my head.
His last day in the company? He won't be my editor anymore? What was happening?
"Kurosawa-san, what is the meaning of this?"
I could hear my voice trembling and even my hands were shaking slightly. This was just too unexpected. Out of the blue like that, he simply decided to quit and run away? That's preposterous! As if I would allow him to do that.
Before he could open his mouth and give me a reply, I continued to speak. Though my voice wasn't loud, it sounded sharp and cold like a sword's blade.
"Did you forget we are a team now? How could you just decide to give up on the task and run away?"
"I am not running away." He interjected, his voice sounding slightly desperate.
"Then what are you doing? Preparing to go on a soul-searching journey or something?"
"I… I'm leaving this task for someone better than me. Because I…"
"Who are you to decide who is better than you at this job?" I snapped, raising my voice a little. "Kota-san chose you for this and named you as my editor. That means there is no one else in the company better at it than you. So why would you say that?!"
"Because I'm useless." He looked away from me, his voice losing its intensity bit by bit. "Because I don't want to drag you down. You're better off with someone else by your side. Someone like… Asakura-san."
So, first it was simpleminded stupidity talking, now it's blind jealousy?!
Just like peeling off the layers of an onion one by one, I slowly uncovered Kurosawa-san's deepest, darkest emotions.
He looked disconcerted in the process, a gloomy vibe swirling around his person. With his eyes lowered and his expression hidden, it was impossible for me to decipher what he was truly thinking. Therefore, I decided to take a gamble on that ridiculous ability of mine.
Without giving him a chance to react, I jumped from my seat and tugged at his arm sharply. Clasping both palms over his face, I brought him closer until we were on eye level.
"You! Say that again!" I demanded.
His eyes widened in astonishment and, with a loud gulp, I heard him swallowing his cry of surprise.
"Masato-sensei, I… I… I am…"
In the end, I couldn't hear what exactly he was, because the next moment that annoying buzzing sound like static broke out again. This time, though, it was even louder than before, followed by more pronounced whispers. The noise gradually grew further, until it finally culminated in a booming voice.
'I AM WORRIED! I AM WORRIED YOU'LL HATE ME, THAT YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN IF I TELL YOU THE TRUTH. YOU'LL GROW TO DESPISE ME IF YOU KNOW JUST HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME. I JUST WANT TO HAVE YOU FOR MYSELF, TO BE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.
I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO, BUT SOMEHOW MY EYES ENDED UP FOLLOWING YOU CONTINUOUSLY. EVERY MOVEMENT, EVERY WORD, EVERY ONE OF YOUR LITTLE GESTURES… EVERYTHING IS ENGRAVED IN MY MIND LIKE A PICTURE THAT WILL NEVER FADE. I THOUGHT I COULD BE HAPPY WITH JUST THAT, BUT SOON JUST LOOKING AT YOU WASN'T ENOUGH. I WANTED TO TOUCH YOU, HOLD YOU, KISS YOU AND MAKE YOU ONE WITH ME. THAT'S WHY IT'S NO GOOD. THAT'S WHY I'M LEAVING. I… I….'
Kurosawa-san's inner voice was yelling loudly in my head, his thoughts pouring one after another, till my mind could no longer comprehend them.
Then, I heard a timid whisper coming from him. The soft sound contrasted greatly with the loud echo his words had in my head. So different, as if they were coming from two different people.
"I'm… no good, Masato-sensei. I'm no good to stay by your side."
"Just as I thought." I said with a sigh, taking back my hands and releasing his face. "Those are not your true feelings, are they? Why aren't you being honest with me?"
"Masato-sensei, what do you mean?"
He stopped. Then, as realization dawned on him, his eyes widened and he looked downright frightened.
"I thought you couldn't... I thought you couldn't hear..."
"I couldn't. Not until now at least." I sighed despondently. "Amami-chan said you have a tendency to run away, but I didn't expect you to be this cowardly."
"Sis? What did she..."
"It doesn't matter what she said or didn't say. What matters is what you yourself think and feel."
We stared at each other for a few moments.
The silence stretched until I could feel the rising pressure stifling my breath and my throat tightened. I swallowed heavily and clenched my teeth.
This was it! It was now or never!