Although I wanted to be more confident, I was still a bit worried.
Will I really be able to take that step forward towards this change? Will I be able to break free from this current me and move closer to a new, better version of myself?
Before I was able to find out the answers, Saturday came.
That day I received an unexpected phone call.
"Keita-kun, can you talk for a bit?" a woman's voice asked cheerfully.
"Amami-chan?" I cried out feeling stumped.
Just when did she get my phone number?
"Ah, so you recognized me." She chirped like a young girl. "That's good. I wanted to ask if you want to have lunch with me?"
Lunch, huh? I guess both brother and sister care very much about this meal.
"Of course. Just tell me when and where you want to meet, and I will be there."
She gave me an address and we settled to meet at 1 p.m.
"Then, Keita-kun, I will see you there in a couple of hours." She said before hanging up.
The place Amami-chan chose was slightly farther away than the restaurant I went to for the meeting with Asakura-san. It was more like a bistro than a fancy restaurant. It served food and drinks and even had barbeque tables.
To be honest, I never would have expected a woman like Amami-chan to prefer this type of place. But I wasn't complaining. I for one liked it very much.
The tables were small so only a few people could crowd around one. Therefore, the place was large enough not to get too cramped and the service was also good.
The moment I arrived, I saw Amami-chan already sitting at a table.
"Amami-chan, sorry for being late." Though I wasn't really late, I felt bad about letting her wait for me.
"No, I'm sorry for calling you out so suddenly. I hope I didn't inconvenience you too much."
"It's alright. I wasn't working. In fact," I said honestly. "I really needed a break, so your call came at the right time."
"That's good then." She replied with a bright smile. "Come, let's order. The food here is amazing. I always worry about getting fat whenever I come here."
Halfway throughout the meal I began thinking that Amami-chan was acting a bit strange. Despite seeming cheerful and talking about all sorts of things, she wasn't saying anything about the true purpose of this meeting and I was beginning to feel nervous.
Therefore, I decided to bite the bullet and ask about it myself.
"Uhm, Amami-chan, why did you want to see me?"
"My invitation might have come as a great shock to you, didn't it, Keita-kun?" She asked, placing her chopsticks down on the table.
"I was just surprised."
"To be perfectly honest, I called you here today to talk about Rin."
"Ku-Kurosawa-kun?" I blurted out in surprise.
"Yes. Masato-sensei, I do not know what happened between you two, but Rin has been acting very odd recently."
"I've noticed that myself."
I lowered my head so she couldn't see my expression. Still, I continued to speak as though nothing was wrong.
"But why do you think it has anything to do with me? It might be due to work related stress or something else."
"I know it's related to you, because I know Rin. He never lets stress or anything else affect him so much. But when it comes to something important to him, he tends to lose his head."
"Lose his head?"
"Yes. You know, when he was very young, four or five years old, we used to have a cat. But after a while, the cat ran away. Rin had been very attached to it and suffered greatly. He believed the cat ran away because he had done something wrong, or because the cat simply wasn't happy being with him. He kept blaming himself so much that he refused to eat anything or get out of his room for two days straight."
Amami-chan paused for a moment. She took a small sip of water, then placed the glass down on the table and continued to speak quietly.
"Seeing Rin like that, my parents were beginning to worry. They even considered taking him to the hospital. But just then, Rin suddenly reverted back to normal. He began eating and sleeping normally, he went out and about the house like nothing was wrong. In short, it was like the cat episode didn't even happen. My parents decided to leave it be and not probe any further, but I was a curious child, so I asked Rin about it."
"Did he say what happened?" I asked in earnest curiosity.
Amami-chan showed an expression that seemed both warm and sad.
"Mn, and I remember what he told me even to this day. He said 'It's ok. If the cat is happy now, then it's ok for her to leave me. I won't force her to stay if she's unhappy'."
I raised my head, looking at Amami-chan stunned. She now had a nostalgic smile, her eyes almost glistening with tears.
I didn't know what I should say, so I kept quiet.
"He was so young back then. For him to think that way made me realize that Rin will grow up to be a different kind of person that I initially thought. He liked his toys and the people around him, but as long as something or someone left him, he wouldn't chase after them, always thinking that they were happier without him."
"But… but that's not good. What if… what if it's not really like that?" I finally brought myself to say.
Indeed, this way of thinking might sound noble and selfless, but in the end it's not. Letting go of something, not even once trying to find it again or fighting for it… That kind of thinking didn't sit too well with me. It was too similar to cowardice.
But perhaps I shouldn't be too quick to judge, since I was a different type of coward myself.
Strange enough, my outburst amused Amami-chan, because a moment later she laughed.
"Indeed you're right. I tried telling my brother the same thing so many times, but he never listened. Whenever I brought it up he simply smiled and shook his head. Then, more and more people continued to leave his life."
Once again, Amami-chan paused. She took in a deep breath, looking as though she was carefully pondering over her next words.