It's been almost a month since the incident. What Josh and I have discovered has shocked us both. He knew how Anne was, she was an innocent square, a sweetheart, and kept to herself and her small circle. She always made it seem like she did nothing besides stay home or with her friends at their homes.
Besides scanning Anne's diary, I had started Rosemond already. Definitely not what I expected. Luckily Josh was there with me too and stayed throughout my side. We made a new friend, her name was Celeste. She was a pretty redhead. She had bright blue eyes and freckles all over her face. Her hair was short, she pulled it off though. She usually always wore black clothing and today she wore a leather jacket with a black blouse and torn black jeans. She had some black boots on and wore two rings on her ring finger. She had two tattoos already. One on her ring finger that was a blacked in heart and another on her chest that said "I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim". She also had gauged ears and a septum ring. Her makeup was usually eyeliner based. She didn't wear foundation because it hid her freckles and she liked her eyes to stick out. She also shaved off her eyebrows and drew them in different shapes. Usually the ends poking up instead of slanting down. She was a sweetheart. She was nice to almost everyone and she was liked by almost all of our peers. She's introduced Josh and I to a few people she knew. She liked watching horror movies so we all would hang out on Friday nights and rent one or two and eat popcorn on her couch.
We filled her in on everything we knew about Anne and we asked if she ever knew Charlie and she did. He ended up going to Rosemond and I guess he ended up overdosing. It just happened pretty recently and a part of me wished I got to watch his body rot. It happened at school but there was never any coverage due to a large donation from his family. Rich people shit.
Celeste refused to call me Ari, said she refused to take some recycled nickname and instead she called me her little mermaid. She said we should get tattoos together, she'd get a mermaid and I'd get a skull and it would unify us forever. She wanted to do it for my eighteenth which was shortly approaching. It was on December 29th. Celeste and I grew so close so fast. She also had her dad die of a heart attack and her younger brother passed away when a drunk driver went down their neighborhood speeding one night while he was riding his bike. Unfortunately, she has also struggled with herself and depression, she would sometimes push us away or have these terrible mood swings. She was in therapy but sometimes she just needed extra support. I never thought I'd trust someone on this friendship level, especially so quickly. I'm thankful for her. She's my light in the dark and I hope I can be hers.
We decided to watch the latest conjouring movie. Celeste sat in the middle, holding the popcorn meanwhile Josh sat on her left and me on her right.
We each had our sodas on the ground, all were bottled with caps.
"I'm actually scared to watch this one," Celeste says before she pops another popcorn into her mouth.
"I'm scared to watch every movie." Josh says. They were pretty scary but we made the sacrifice considering Celeste went crazy over these movies.
"You guys are crybaby's." She smiles at me.
"That's why we all cuddle together." I chuckle.
Josh and I both lay our heads on her shoulders. She lets the popcorn rest on her thighs and pets both of our hair.
"We should throw a Halloween party." She starts to say. "It would be so much fun and Rosemond kids know how to party."
"I don't know…" Josh begins to say.
"It would only be people we invite." She promises then turns to me. She makes cutesy dog eyes. "For me?" She crosses her hands together.
"Invite only." I say with a smile.
"Yasss." She smiles big and rubs her hands together. "We're gonna bake goods together and have a costume contest. We also gotta decorate my house all scary!" She starts beaming with joy.
"What about your parents?" I ask.
"They'll be going out of town. For some reason they love bar hopping near N J and they stay for the weekend."
"Why all the way out there?" Josh asks.
"Don't ask me I don't have the slightest clue but I'm sure they'll be okay with it." She assured us. "Little Mermaid, can we please go top off the popcorn in the kitchen?"
I get up and extend my hand to help her. She grabs it and Josh paused the movie as she stood up.
"Soooo…" she begins as we get into the kitchen, door closing behind her. "What's the deal with you and Josh?" She prys. Left brow raised slightly though it's hard to tell.
I laugh at her question.
"What deal?" I begin to put more kettles in the pan.
"You know damn well that boy likes you." She seasons the kettles and grabs me a pan lid.
"I highly doubt it. He went for my ex bestie while all of us were friends." I try not to sound bitter but it's a little clear on my tone. I put the pan lid on and lift it, rocking back and forth. They begin to pop.
"But he wasn't serious about her right?" She's clearly rooting for us.
"What about you? Who's your crush?" I try to pry and see if she likes him too. Shifting the light away from me onto her.
"He's not my cup of tea." She laughs. "Girl I don't like dick."
Oh. Oh?
"Oh so you're a lesbian?" I ask as I pour the pop corn into the big bowl we were using.
"Sadly." She laughs. "I just love playing Cupid between people. I think he likes you ."
"Don't tell him…" I begin to say. "But last week I talked to Alan."
"Alan, the toxic boyfi?" She pops a piece of popcorn into her mouth.
"He seems like he's changing." I try to defend myself.
"No offense girl." She grabs the bowl "but they never really change, do they?" She walks off.
Last Friday
After the hospital visit, I didn't know what to think about Alan. Did he miss me? I secretly wished he did. And I knew how pathetic I was in the back of my mind but my heart told me not to listen and to go hear him out.
Aunt Cheri was stuck on an overnight shift and I asked Alan if he wanted to talk. He said yes and that he was on his way. He arrived within ten minutes. He brought me flowers again and an envelope.
"It's a letter, I took my time writing it. Reflecting on everything and giving you the explanation you deserved." He justifies himself as I invite him in. He closes the door behind him.
I snatch both things from him and thank him. We sit on the couch in the living room.
"I don't understand…" I begin to say. "The way you operate. The way you think. The way you say something and do something completely different." I try hard to hold my tears in. "I just don't understand you."
"I just feel…" he begins to say then stops. "I just don't know how to love someone I don't think I deserve." He leans forward and hold his own hands together.
"But you've never even tried…" I try to say without hurting him or myself.
Cause honestly loving him is hurting me.
"I have though, you just don't know how hard it is." He sighs. "I just can't commit. I want you, I want her, and I don't ever want to chose anyone because I don't want to hurt them. But I did anyways because I never chose you. I see that now." He sits up again and grabs my left hand with his right.
"So what do you want to do?" I ask him.
"I want fix things with you. I'll do better this time. I've even listed the times I screwed up with you, what I should've done, and how sorry I really am for everything I've done to you."
I give him a light kiss that ends up turning into a passionate kiss. He pulls me closer to him and brushes his fingers through my hair.
I was an idiot.
On Monday, Celeste invites us to our first Rosemond party. It was going to be this Saturday. Some guy named Jeremy was throwing it. She ends up side barring me away from Josh.
"Have you told anybody?" She asks. Concern written all over her face.
"I would never.." I begin to say.
"Awesome!" She sighs. "I've never told anybody. Plus I dated some guy Rodri last year as a beard. I don't need him to hate himself anymore if he finds out." We start walking towards the bathroom.
Once we enter, Celeste checks underneath the stalls. She's looking to see if anyone else is here besides us.
"Girl why are you still wasting your time and energy talking to Alan?" She says as she stand. "I've been wanting to yell at you. I just know Josh wouldn't be okay with you still giving Alan a chance." She waves her hands in the air.
"B chill." I sigh. "I just want to know if he's changed. It seems like he has, I love him."
"Well sit down because you're about to hear some shit." She sits on the window seal and pats a spot next to her for me to sit.
"Thought you only dated the beard, Rodri." I say and plop myself next to her. Almost slipping but she didn't notice thankfully.
"I guess you could technically say that." She laughs. "Andrea from our history class." She answers the question in my mind.
"The stuck up bitch?" I pause "No offense"
"That she is." She sighs. "She's also closeted as fuck. So please hushed lips." She extends her pinky to me and we pinky promise. "She was just like your Alan. She also happens to like guys too. I was her secret more than she was ever mine. Well it got to the point where she wouldn't stop sleeping with other guys but nightly she'd tell me she loved me. Said maybe one day we could walk out holding hands through the hallways but unfortunately, she met someone else. I asked her to chose. I know ultimatums aren't it, trust me. But I couldn't handle it anymore. I needed to know if her love was real or if it was just another pussy to lick and then she never said anything. The next day though, her and Lance, also from history class, were sitting together and holding hands." She looks like she's about to cry. I put my right arm around her shoulders and pull her in. I pet her hair to let her know it's okay. "It would hurt to see you continue this cycle. Josh is bound to find out." She breathes in, her nose sounds like it was about to get runny. She immediately stands up and goes into a stall.
"We both know we deserve better." I begin to say.
"I don't think you really do know." Celeste says from the stall.
But trust me, I did. Anne did too.
"How hard did you fall?" I ask her.
"Pretty hard, don't think I've been fully able to get up yet." She says as she comes out of the stall. Her eyelashes are damp and her eyeliner is a little messed up. She washed her hands and whips it out, fixing the line facing the mirror. "Tell anyone, I might have to punch you." She jokes.
"Getting beat in the bathroom is my forte." I smile at her and she laughs.
"Like I could ever hurt you." She plays around and softly punches my shoulder.
Honestly I'm not sure she could. She's super thin and barely has muscle on her body. She's also a lot smaller than me. Then again Alice was thinner too and pure bone, she still hurt me though.
"I think you should forget about Alan and give our boy Josh a chance." She says before she whips out her lipstick and traces her lips over.
"I think you're delusional." I sigh. There's just no way Josh views me in that light.
"So are you guys coming to the party Saturday?" She changes the topic but I fear it won't be the last time she tries to bring it up.
"Maybe if my plus two don't abandon my side." I nudge her.
"Trust, I won't. Plus someone's gotta introduce you." She puts her lipstick and eyeliner back in her pouch and into her bag. "Let's go to class."
We walk off and into history class. Josh was sitting in the back waiting for us to join him. Unfortunately for Celeste, Andrea is sitting next to him. From what we see, she keeps smiling and then flips her hair when she sees us looking. She turns away from him and we walk down the rows of desks.
"Why are you talking to her?" She half whispers.
"Cause it's a free fuckin country." Andrea says. Still not looking over to Celeste.
"Stay away from my friends." Celeste warns her.
"Orrr..?" Andrea tests her and she has a huge smirk on her face. If I were Celeste I'd smack it right off her.
Andrea was a stuck up pretty girl. She had bleached blond hair making it more white than yellow. She had the bottom half dyed pink. She had a similar style to Celeste except she loved the color pink and purple. She wore a black denim jacket with purple pockets and buttons. She had on a purple crop top that said "test me" with high wasted black short shorts. She had on a pair of all black basic shoes. She didn't carry a bag, just a pink binder with a pencil sticking out from the side. She was known for being super bitchy and kind of out there. Just from what I've heard people saying about her. Now that I see her I know most things are true.
"Orrr I just might have to have a word with Lance, you boy toy." Celeste threatens Andrea.
"You wouldn't." Andrea gives her an "I'll kill you" look.
"Test me." Celeste mocks her top. She gives a smirk that ups Andreas earlier smirk.
"Seats please," the teacher annunciates as she walks in.
"You should've slapped her." I whisper to Celeste as she sits next to me, two seats down from Andrea.
"I'm not a school fighter." She giggles.
"Street fighter!" Josh teases. "Although I should tell you she just asked me if we had homework last night."
"She shouldn't be asking you anything, period!" She snaps her fingers and Andrea turns and looks at her. Andrea dogs Celeste. Lance is a no show I'm assuming. I wish something would happen for entertainment purposes.
"Ladies quiet down." The teacher says loudly. She was setting up the small television. I guess it was boring movie day.
Andrea looks away after the movie begins to play. Meanwhile Celeste whips out her cell phone and starts scrolling away.
Josh and I pass each other notes. He starts it off.
J: what's the deal with Celeste and Andrea?
Me: did she not tell you? I'm sworn to secrecy
J: she mentioned she somewhat dated a girl in history class but that it was low key never told me who
Me: that's her but she should tell you the deets
J: let's include her in our notes!
Me: I'm down but she seems occupied. Pass it along.
Josh goes to hand her the piece of paper we're writing on folded up. She shoos him and keeps scrolling away on whatever page is in her phone. She's probably upset about Andrea no matter how hard she tries to pretend she isn't. That feeling is the worst. I get her attention again and form a heart with my hands. She half smiles then turns back to her phone.