I'm circling around the main office waiting for Josh to show up. Celeste has been MIA since the party and I wonder what happened. Josh has yet to fill me in. Everytime I ask he says I should wait for her to tell me. I worry Andrea and or Lance had something to do with it. I missed my best girl friend.
When Josh finally shows up he hugs me. He smells fresh like he just took a shower. It's a mint scent mixed with vanilla. He was wearing a white long sleeve thermal with black skinny jeans. This time his beanie was black and his hair was still a little wet.
"You smell great." I blurt while mid hug. I didn't even think about it but he makes a weird facial reaction at me and begins to pull away. "Sorry, I didn't mean to…" I start to blush. He blushes a little too.
"Thanks." He says and we begin to walk to class together.
"I miss Celeste." I say as we walk to class.
"She'll be back soon. You know how she gets." He says and opens the door for me.
To my surprise there's a new guy with a familiar face. It's Tommy Ricks.
Tommy was the first guy I ever dated or did anything with. Once we had sex without protection, he broke up with me and got with some girl named Namoi.
Namoi already attended Rosemond. I've seen her walking around but Tommy. He straight up ruined my reputation and took my dignity. I wanted to stab him. Josh and Celeste didn't know. Shit I never even told Alice. Tommy was actually the guy who made fun of me and Alan jumped in to defend me. They were friends though and I worried if we sat near him that Josh would know I haven't stopped seeing Alan.
I nudge Josh to sit on the opposite side of the classroom but he doesn't. He yanks my arm lightly and pushes me to sit down in the front on the same row Tommy is sitting. He's just four seats down. My heart begins to race and Josh mouths "are you ok?" I just nod. I don't want him to know.
~
Last Saturday Night:
When I got home, Aunt Cheri was there. Only for a moment though. She was just prepping her lunch.
"Hey honey, I left some for you as well." She points to the pot. She made enchilada soup which was my favorite. The way she made it was always so flavorful and she topped it with avocado and tortilla strips.
"Thank you so much, means a lot." I say before I begin to walk away. She stops me.
"I wanna talk to you.." she begins to say. "I only have like fifteen minutes before I gotta go."
"Okay." I say and go sit on a kitchen stool near the counter. "Well what's up?"
"Your mom is coming here…" she starts to say.
"I don't want to see her." I interrupt. "You can't force me to talk to her."
"Listen," she sighs. "I know she's not the best person but trust me she IS changing. She's actually a good mother to her newest. I know that can't mend Anne's pain or yours. But waiting until she dies is a regret you'll live with forever."
"When is she coming?" I ask without trying to getting sassy.
"Next weekend. Maybe Saturday since Sunday I've gotta go out of town for this weddings hair. They all need it done."
"So you'll be working the whole wedding?" I ask her.
"Sadly." She laughs.
"Would it be okay to invite someone over?" I ask.
"Who?"
"Josh…"I lie.
"I love him. When is he gonna be your boyfriend?" She smiles big. "Sarah wants you guys to date as well."
"When is Sarah gonna be your girlfriend?" I tease her in return.
"Oh please." She blushes. "She's only a friend. Now please go to bed at a reasonable hour. I'm leaving for three days. Please show up to school I don't need the dean calling everyday." She shoots me a glare. She walks over to me and hugs me and gives me a kiss on the forehead. "I love you." She says and walks away.
"Love you too." I shout from a distance.
Shortly after she leaves Alan comes over.
It's the usual weekend hang out. We kiss we cuddle we fuck, he's gone. All within an hour or two. This time I asked what are we. I got impatient and I wanted to see how true his letter was.
"So like what are we?" I ask as he buttons his belt.
I'm still laying in bed with my white blanket covering me.
He looks over at me then finishes putting his shoes on.
"I've told you several times. I'm just not allowed to date. But I do love you." He says. Sitting next to me. I hope he holds my hand but instead he whips out his phone, shoots a text and kisses me on the forehead. "I gotta go."
"Like usual." I roll my eyes.
"You serious bro?" He gives me a disgusted look. "You just got a nut. We hung out. I tell you I love you. Why are you so mad?"
"What is it about me that you don't want?" I ask, my voice breaks a little. I just want to know what's wrong with me. Why am I not good enough for the one guy I love?
"Honestly?" He sighs and pauses for my answer. I nod. "You're just not that pretty."
My heart fucking twists. Before I know it I'm reaching for the vase I used to keep his flowers. They're gone now, have been for a week and there aren't any new ones. I toss the vase on to my bedroom wall. Just a few inches away from his pretty little face.
"Get the fuck out!" I shout. "Don't ever come back!" I scream.
"Bro what is your problem?!" He waves his hands in the air. "You wanted honesty." He laughs. "I just mean your not model pretty. You're beautiful in your own unique way."
"You're a fucking joke." I say. "I'm sick of your shit. You saying you love me one minute and then telling me I'll never be pretty enough for you!" I stand up. I cover myself with the pink silk robe hanging behind my door. I grab a piece of the shattered glass and slit my wrist for him to see.
"Am I pretty enough now?" I ask him. I start to cry.
"Yo what the fuck is wrong with you!?" He shouts. He pulls the glass away from my hand and rips off a piece of his shirt to wrap my cut. "I obviously love you. Why can't that be enough?"
"You just said I wasn't pretty enough…" I sob.
"I can't date you…" he sighs. "I'm still banging Alice."
"And me?" I scoff. "You disgust me. Go be with that slut!" I say.
"Please don't hurt yourself…" he pleads. He tried to hug me and I just pushed him off.
"Sorry Alan but I can't see you anymore. You're just not enough." I try to say it in a mocking tone. He gets up and he leaves.
He called me two hours later to apologize and dropped flowers off at the door with a brand new vase. I forgave him like an idiot once again. But I knew one day in my heart I would be done.
~
Tommy never says anything to me but I catch him glance over here and there. We locked eyes for a split second but I broke the staring contest. Josh eyebrows raise at me.
I pass him a note telling him that Tommy was the first guy I ever dated and how I met Alan.
He nods his head and places the note into his backpack on the floor.
About five minutes before the bell rang, Celeste shows up. She's got a bag of food with a large coffee in her hand.
The teacher scorns her for a second but she brushes it off.
"It's my therapy." She smiles then goes to sit down. She sits right behind Josh.
"Hey guys, how y'all doing?" She beams of joy. "Sorry I've been gone, gotta a little sick you know?" She sounds full of it. "I did however score us breakfast sandwiches as an apology though?" She begs with her eyes and starts to hand us our sandwiches. Josh laughs at her slightly.
"You're something else," he takes the sand which. "But I wouldn't replace you as my second bestie." He smiles.
"I wouldn't replace you as my second bestie either." She smiles back and they clink their sandwiches together as if it were a drink. "Cheers." Celeste says as she takes a bite out of hers.
"Cheers." Josh and I both say as we join her in taking bites. It was a great burrito. It was filled with eggs, potatoes, sausage, salsa, and topped off with pepper jack cheese.
"So how was the party?" I ask them both.
"It was average. It was more like a kickback. Hardly anyone came." Josh says.
"I think people are starting to hate Jeremy." Celeste says.
The bell rings and Tommy walks past me.
"Alan wants you to call." He smirks and continues to walk away.
Josh's face drops.
"Why does he want you to call?" Josh asks in a sarcastic tone. I could tell he knows he just wants the confirmation.
"He came to see me at the hospital." I lie.
"Tell me something I don't know," he scoffs. "Are you fucking him again!?" He gets a little loud.
"You guys know the bell rung, right?" Mister says. "You guys can leave. Thanks."
"My pleasure." Josh says and storms off.
Josh and I had every class together besides last period. He had been a no show for all so I assumed he had taken off. Celeste and I were walking to class.
"It's because he likes you." Celeste nudges.
"I told him he smelt good on accident and he freaked on me!" I say almost like it bothers me. Maybe it does.
"Wait what?" She responds in confusion.
"Earlier when he got here he hugged me. He had just showered, I took a Whiff and blurted on accident that he smelt good. He pulled away from the hug giving me a look and he thanked me awkwardly. He blushed a little too." I explain.
"Oooooh he blushed!" She was geeked. "Dont you see?"
"I guess I must be blind." I shrug as I open our class door for us.
"Boys never say it with their words, always with their actions." She walks in front of me and I follow. We sit towards the back.
"His reACTION was answer enough." I say. I realized I'm a tad hurt that Josh didn't appreciate how I smelt him. Although it was creepy like. "Does he ever talk about me?" I ask whispering while I'm pulling out my papers on my binder.
"It's a possibility." She teases. She gets out her book. She places her phone in it when she opens it.
"What does he say" I pry. Hoping for just a glimpse of information.
She smiles and makes a thinking face. I can tell she's contemplating telling me something.
"He says you're prettier than Alice ever was on a good day."
"Really?" My heart beats with joy. I was always told how Alice was so pretty. People I hardly knew just always told me I had a pretty best friend. Perks of being at Rosemond. No one knew. It was almost like college and for the first time I fantasized going to community and then leaving to a four year with Josh by my side. I never fantasized about him or thought about him more than a friend until Celeste hinted at it.
"He's too scared to make a move." Celeste sighs. "That's why I told you. So you could do it!" She gives me a smile. "You guys would win prom king and queen from how cute of a couple you guys would make!" She's just as excited as the inside of me.
"Highly doubtful but you're a sweetheart!" I wrap my left arm around her. "So what happened Saturday?" I finally ask.
"Andrea." She rolls her eyes.
"She show up?" I ask her.
"Looks like she's out." She sighs. She unlocks her phone and shows me the latest picture Andrea posted. "Like a total replica."
As Celeste clicks on the picture, we see it's tagged. A grade level lower and the bitches name is Riley. I gasp.
"Wait Riley? Did she date Charlie?"
"Yup." She sighs. "She's ruined the redhead reputation. Has a thing for taken men and women I guess now too." She looks like she's about to cry. She holds the phone for me to say then puts it down and lays her head on the palms of her hands.
"Are you okay?" I rub her back in circles.
"Never better." She throws up a peace sign with her index and middle finger on her right hand. As soon as the teacher walks in, Celeste grabs her stuff, places it in her bag and bolts out.
"Can you?" The teacher points her pen at me then at the door.
I grab our stuff and chase her. I see her turn into the bathrooms and I bolt.
I run into the door practically but I act like nothing happened.
"Cel, are you in here?" I ask as I open up the door. I hear her tears coming from the end stall.
"Just leave me here to rot alone." She sobs. I knock on the door.
"Just open it for me and you can cry on my shoulder." I try to push it in. It's still locked.
"I promise just cries. No talking."
She finally starts to unlock and she opens it for me. She locks it again once I'm in.
She practically leaps into my arms. She sobs away. Asking how she could do this. I assume she meant Andrea hurting her. I felt so bad. I brushed her hair through my fingers with my left hand and used my right to pat her back.
"It's okay." I said about four times.
"How… could… she..?" She says in gasps as she's sobbing away.
"She's just a skank." I try to make her feel better but it feels like I'm failing.
"I don't want to love her anymore." She sounds like she's calming down.
"I know." I feel the same. Seeing her cry over this girl she can't get over makes me think about the guy I can't get over. How much I cry for him every time he leaves. And he doesn't care either.
"Promise me." She says as she grabs my wrists. "Promise me you'll end it with him. He's going to kill you if you let him." She sighs.
Without thinking about it, I promise. I realize I have to end it with Alan.
"I swear." We pinky promise and kiss our hands. "Wanna go back to class?" I ask her.
Celeste just looks at me. She has two eyeliner streaks going down and I grab my sleeves, pulling them up and wiping them away. I smile and rub her shoulders.
"All better." I say. She grabs my face with both hands and pulls me in. Her lips are soft, tender, luscious. Suddenly I'm kissing her back. I have my hands brushing through her hair and she's caressing my face. It's electric, magical, unreal in a good way.