I wake up in the hospital. Josh and Aunt Cheri are both sleeping, Josh on the couch, Aunt Cheri on the dining chair. Josh has his jacket over him and Aunt Cheri is using a blanket that looks like it's from the house.
Josh wakes up instantly when he realizes my eyes are open.
He walks over to me and holds my hand.
"You passed out, you were beaten pretty bad." He says. He points his phones front camera at me. My eyes are both bruised up and I have bruises on my cheeks and scratches. I see they stitched my chin up as well. Probably while I was sleeping.
Even though all I see is my face my thoughts go back to Anne.
"She was murdered.." I whimper. My voice stilll weak.
"Who?" His eyebrows raise.
"Anne.." I sigh. "She showed me."
"How in the fuck…" he scratches his head. He looks at me like I've said the most unbelievable thing.
"She pushed me back into living." I wheeze.
"Don't talk." He says. "Your throat was kicked pretty rough too and the doctor says you should try not to for twenty four hours. But holy shit!" He wipes his eyes and tries to process. "You just dropped a bomb."
He hands me his phone and opens up our texts.
I begin a blue bubble conversation.
Me: It was Charlie.
Josh: Charlie as in she who shall not be named ex boyfriend?
Me :Yes him.
She told me that he left her for a new girl Riley and he doesn't even go to our school anymore.
Josh:Bro do you think she swooped him from she devil
Me:I hope so but that's not her character…
Josh: Did she keep a dairy?
Me: Honestly I haven't found it yet. It makes me so depressed to even try to open her room door.
Josh: What if I did it?
We're gonna need solid evidence.
Me: go right now.
He smiles at me and squeezes my hand.
"My moms coming in to check on you soon. You should ask her to bring you some dinner. It's surprisingly good." He walks off.
I look at my arms and my legs. Almost every inch of me is a purple or green color. I still feel so exhausted and the pain. I wonder if Anne felt any pain or was it instant? Everyone always said it was head damage. I wonder if she just fell into a deep slumber and it was like a dream. I'd like to believe it was in peace but now I'm not so sure.
I try to think of every thing that was ever mentioned about Charlie. Alice always called him Charles, some of the other soccer players called him Charlestown. Stupid, if you ask me. He played soccer, what else? Alice bought something from him a while back! She also mentioned he was moving, she never said where. Something about getting expelled for sabotaging a soccer game. I think that's all I know but maybe it's enough. I hope Anne detailed shit out and that Josh finds it. I will avenge you sister.
Aunt Cheri eventually wakes up once my dinner arrives. I gave her a bite out of my chicken. Josh was right, surprisingly good. Although I feel like I cooked better and could've made the dish more flavorful.
"You're going to go to Rosemond. " she says right off the bat. "I'm sure Josh mentioned you shouldn't use your voice."
I nod at her as I take more bites.
"Great because I've wanted to talk to you about your mom." She lets out a deep sigh. Bad news coming soon. I wish I could scream at her. Beg her not to tell me how she's doing or where she's living. In fact, I don't want to hear a damn thing about her unless she's six feet deep.
"She's been clean for a couple years as you know." Aunt Cheri begins to pace the room back and forth, rubbing her hands together. "And she remarried. She has a one year old son.."
I freeze.
"She wants you to meet him. Anne never did and she says it would mean so much to her and her new husband."
"I hope she burns in hell!" I wheeze but blood boiled enough to give me the strength to speak.
She abandoned us, dad included. She broke his heart and left him to clean up the mess she made. She cheated on him and she never cared enough to fight for us. Sure we spent our weekend mornings with her due to the custody agreement but even then we were just something she was forced to deal with. Anne was her favorite though. Even though she hurt us both it was me who messed up her life. She made sure I knew that. I'm so disgusted for thinking about her. For wasting my thought process on someone who wouldn't even show up if I died. Who didn't even show up when Anne died or before that. Now all of a sudden she wants to play family? No way. I hope something terrible happens to her and the kid gets out alive. Her husband? Not so much. He chose that out of all the fish in the sea.
Aunt Cheri snaps me out of it.
"When my mom passed, it was so hard." She sighs and she comes and sits on my bed next to my feet. She reaches for my ankle just to let me know she's here.
"I never thought I would care if she died. In fact, I wished for it. I always thought I would relish that day. I refused to speak to her after she left grandpa." She holds her locket. There was a picture of him in there. Grandpa slowly died of cancer. It was hard on everyone, I was twelve. We spread his ashes on the beach.
"But the day came where she took to much and never woke up." She swallows back the tears that are waiting to pour out. "She left me a voicemail that I never even listened to. I just erased it without a second thought. I wish I talked to her. I wish I knew why she did what she did and gave her the opportunity to fix it. I've learned now that you forgive for your own good, not for the others." Grandma was a lot like my mom, she suffered through addiction her whole life and she also left her family.
Personally, I can't forgive her. Egg donor did much more than just cheat on my dad. My dad was my hero until my egg donor broke him. He lost himself in alcoholism. He was in the hospital for over two weeks. Needle attached to his vein, high blood pressure, and heart blockage. Aunt Cheri was the one who took us in and kept us ever since.
"That's all I have to say before I breakdown." She takes a deep breath. Inhale for three seconds and exhale. "Just know I love you and I only want the best for you. I never want you to regret anything." She stands up. "I have to get to work but here's your phone and please press the button and Sarah will come and check on you." She kisses my cheek and walks out the door.
I look at my texts and see that Josh has made it into my house and is currently looking for Anne's diary. I delete all of the apps I don't use and start to watch a movie.
About twenty minutes go by and I have a visitor. Apparently it's a "cute boy" said the receptionist as she phoned the room to let me know.
He walks in and just stares at me. He brought a teddy bear, I refuse. He sets it on the drawer next to my bed. He stands next to me.
"Listen," here he goes. I'd love to hear Alan's hundredth apology. "I ended it with her. I didn't know she was going to do all that stuff to you…" he sighs. "I'm so sorry."
I pull out my notes and start typing
"I can't speak they hurt my throat"
"You don't have to…" he takes a seat on my bed. "I never intended to hurt you. I know I have and it's not like I'm not sorry. I just have issues of my own." He pauses. He grabs my hand and holds it with his left. "I just hope we can make it work, I never want to lose you."
And it sounds genuine, I want to believe it so fucking much. I try not to cry but I feel my eyes get hot and watery, a tear falls from the right eye.
"Well I should go." He stands up and walks to the door. "Call me if you want when you're out of here."
-
ANNE
Today was supposed to be a normal day. There were light clouds, mostly sunshine and bees everywhere. I loved Spring so much, it was my favorite season. Dad was supposed to take Ariel and I to the beach before the three day weekend ended. We were going to spend the night there too at one of the hotels near the shore.
Unfortunately life had other plans. Aunt Cheri was the one who picked us up from the hospital. Ariel couldn't stop sobbing. I held her tight and told her it was okay. I didn't believe it would be if I was being honest but I just hated to see her hurt. I would've done anything to cure her pain.
Back in the hospital, dad had a huge needle stuck to his vein on his rightt hand. He was in a hospital gown, hooked on to some machine with a water bag and another to see his heart rate and stuff. I never paid enough attention in school to know what a hospital room consisted of. I knew it was bad though. I heard the doctors telling Aunt Cheri if they can't get his heart unclogged he would die. He's drunk himself to this point. Mom left and now maybe dad will too, then all Ari and I will have is each other.
While we were in the car Aunt Cheri was trying her hardest to lighten the mood. Consistently reminding us that everything would be okay. Unfortunately I knew better, I let Ariel believe her. Thinking about it, maybe I shouldn't. Yet again she's already sobbing her heart away. I decide to let her. I can't save her from the pain no matter how much I wished I could.
"He will take you guys to the beach over spring break!" She tries to lie. It calmed Ari down a little.
"I love you Ari." I whisper and squeeze her hand.
"I love you too Anne." She gasps in between the words as she's trying to calm down. Maybe she's ugly crying a little. I wish I could cry with her too but really I'm just scared. Terrified of what life is going to be like without him. Terrified of mom trying to steal us back. She would take the house. She would destroy everything in the house too. She would erase every memory. A tear finally falls. Life without dad is life with no love.
When we get home it's already dark. Me already dreading the day and the possibility of tomorrow, I want to go to bed. Aunt Cheri had a spare room with two beds in her small two bedroom one bathroom home. Aunt Cheri gives us both clothes to sleep in and toothbrushes to brush our teeth. She brushes our hair, Ariel first and then she goes to bed. Aunt Cheri brushes me when she leaves the room.
"So you heard," she sighs. "He loves you very much and he's a very strong man. He will pull through!" She tried to reassure me. I wanted to believe her but something inside me just knew better. Shitty things happened to good people all the time. I sure wish it wasn't my dad but my mother instead.
"I'm sure he will," I try not to think about it too much because I don't want her to see me cry. She finished quickly and I kiss her on the cheek goodnight. "Thank you for letting us sleep over."
"Anytime." She gives me a big smile and a small hug before I rush off
I lay in bed in the dark. Ariel is already asleep and I can't now for some reason. I feel the exhaustion weighing me down but my mind won't stop playing out every single terrible scenario i might face. That Ariel and I will face.
I remember when we were younger we went to church. The last time was when they had a memorial for grandpa. I was ten. He was a sweet old Man, he always gave us tootsie rolls. Chocolate ones for Ariel and vanilla ones for me. And although my faith was shaky since his death I shut my eyes and I prayed. I begged god not to take my father from me. I pleaded and I promised I would do anything. I cried myself silently to sleep that night.
The next day was Saturday. Weekends were unfortunately spent with our mother. Aunt Cheri was going to be present though and wouldn't leave us alone. The last time we spent the night, mother and her newest side piece slept on the bed with us. When we woke up in the morning, she got off the bed with no pants or underwear on. We saw her bare ass and her rush to put clothes on. Ariel and I both pretended we didn't see anything and silently crept out of the bed once they left the room. I secretly confided in aunt Cheri and told her everything which is why she insisted in coming.
Mom lived in a small apartment with her new boyfriend and his two friends. They shared a room with one of the other guys and then the other one had his own room. She and her boyfriend would hang out in the living room and that's where we all sat down.
"Do you mind if I smoke?" She asks Aunt Cheri, not us. Of course she wasn't taking about cigarettes. Although, my dad used to smoke them in secret when we were kids. She would always get her pipe and light it from the bottom. The smell was the worst part. Even I thought the smell of cigarettes was bad but I'd prefer that.
"Obviously I do mind. I'm here for you to sign over your parental rights." She gets straight to it.
"Why the fuck would I do that?"
"You know why…" she looks over at us. Watery eyes but an angry facial reaction.
"My own sister." Mom laughs. "You couldn't even carry a child for nine months what makes you think you could handle two fucking teenagers?"
Ouch.
Her facial reaction dropped. She knew what to say.
"Sign over the god damn rights or I will call the cops. I'm sure they would love to see all the drugs." She grabs the paper and pen out of her big black purse.
"You wouldn't!" My mom gasps.
"I would. God knows you just care about the money." She sets it down. She pulls out her phone and dials 911 but doesn't call. "Don't make me!" She warns our mother.
Ariel and I are just staring at one another. Not knowing what's about to happen but knowing she would no longer be a problem. And I'm not sure if she knew but I did. I knew this was because of dad.
"I wanna go see dad." Ari says in a small voice. It sounds so sad, I think shes realized we would lose them both.
"Why don't you want to spend time with me?" Our mom asks. "I love you both so much. Why do you guys want to hurt me?!" She says in disbelief.
"You walked away a long time ago, we're just making it official." Aunt Cheri says to her for us.
~
Flashback:
I was only six years old.
Mom and dad were both sitting in the living room, different couches. My dad was sitting on the longer couch that faced the tv and mom and the guy she cheated with both on the small loveseat facing the kitchen. Mom was the one who called us over there. Ariel stood in front of me, she was my shield.
"You guys have to chose who you want to live with," she sighs. "I'm sorry and I love you both so much. You mean the world to me."
I looked over to dad. He was leaning forward with his hands holding one another. He was shaking his head. Disbelief all of this was happening.
I then turned to look at Ariel who was so heartbroken. Truth was, she loved mom. Mom just didn't love her, I was her baby and she felt like Ariel ruined her life. Ever since we caught her cheating things just haven't been the same for me. I lost my respect and love for her that day. My dad works all day everyday , five to six days a week. He deserves better.
"I can't decide." She sobs.
"I'm sorry." My dad finally spoke. He's still holding his hands together and it looked like he's about to cry. Ariel rushes behind me and nudges me forward, forcing me to go first. That was the day it felt like we switched. I was now the oldest, the protector. I already knew I was smarter but I did worry about one thing. I worried Ariel wouldn't want to be where I was. We fought so much sometimes and anytime she'd hit me I'd cry so mom could save me.
"I want to go with dad." I blurt then sit next to him.
"Dad." Ariel says without hesitation and sits next to me. She didn't want to be apart either.
~
"You guys would be okay without me in your lives?" Our mom asks. Almost like she can't believe it.
"We've been doing pretty damn good without you these past two years." Ariel snaps. Her hatred was deep for mom. Everytime mom called they got into an argument. I remember just a few months ago mom called while we were out having dinner. Our dad forced us to talk to her, and Ariel fought him every time. Ariel started screaming through the phone and everyone started staring. It didn't help that she was going off screaming how much she hated her and wish dad didn't make her talk to her.
"I think you've hurt us enough already." I say quietly. I know she's just human but god I wish I wasn't here.
She nods and I see her eyes watery.
"I love you guys." She says looking at the both of us. We both just silently look at her. Ariel is probably relieved she'll never have to see this small apartment again. Meanwhile, I'm living a bit with regret and pain. She fucked up, no doubt but all this hurt me too. I looked around trying to memorize all the details.
"We need to go." Aunt Cheri stands up. She turns and looks at her. "By the way the ex you cheated on and abandoned with your kids is in the hospital If you have any heart left, you'll go see him." She snaps her fingers for us to stand and walk out.
Mom walks us out the door, giving me a hug first. She pats my head and rubs my back. She tells me she'll miss me and she loves me and I say it back. She gives Ariel a hug too and says the same thing but Ari stays silent and doesn't hug her in return.
We never saw her after that.
Aunt Cheri took us straight to the hospital and surprisingly, he was okay that day. No pain, maybe he was drugged. He talked to us.
"You girls went to see your mom today?" He asks us.
"Yes. She gave up her rights." Aunt Cheri says.
"Was she rolling?" He asks.
"Definitely." I say. We could tell when she was emotional and antsy.
"Are we ever going to see her again?" Ariel asks.
"You don't have to…" he starts to speak
"Thank god." She interrupts. "Are you coming home?"
"Yes." He paused. "Soon, I promise."
Two weeks after…
Later on that night, he came home. They managed to unclog his heart and prescribe some pills. He was really tired though and just went straight to bed.
Aunt Cheri was going to be staying in our room and Ariel and I would share a bed. Our home wasn't the biggest. My dad worked all the time but he could barely keep us a float. Aunt Cheri was always the one who watched us while he was working. She spent so much time with us it felt like she was our mom. She's the one who taught me how to shower properly and wash my hair. Mom was never around for stuff like that. She was an at home hair stylist and would color hair or cut it. She was so good that sometimes she traveled to do people's hair. She promoted herself a lot on social media. She was only in her early 20's. She sacrificed her whole life for us. She always played with our hair, we both had it long but Ariel had naturally straight dark brown hair and I had a wavy light brown.
She was brushing Ariels hair when all of a sudden we hear a thud. We rush into dads room and there he is sleeping but on the floor. He just rolled off somehow. Aunt Cheri goes to turn him around so he can wake up but she freaks out when she touches him.
"No no no, wake up." She starts pumping on his chest and gives mouth to mouth. But it's too late.
He died in his sleep, I hope peacefully.
Our father was our hero and although he never told us he loved us he managed to save us from the fury of mom. She would yank my ears all the time as a child. Sure I threw my big tantrums in the store when I didn't get a toy but the ass beating never compared. I will admit I was her favorite and she took it slightly easier on me but when Ariel was in trouble she fought back. I remember my mom ran into her room with her sandal and Ariel was on the floor, kicking and screaming at her. She made the mistake of calling mom a bitch and she got smacked and an ass whopping. It hurt that we couldn't save each other but at least we had one another.
I tried to remember every good thing about dad like his cooking which was top tier. He was Mexican and he got some of his skills from grandma who I've never met. The way he rambled on and on about important knowledge in life like when to mind your business, to be kind to everyone, and to live your life because there's never enough time. But the pain felt to real. The memory of him gone forever because we couldn't save him. The guilt that consumed me and the pain of losing both parents in just a span of one day.
This was all two years ago Diary. That night was the first time I took medication. I snuck into one of my dads subscriptions and I took a few. I've been addicted ever since and I can't quit.