(A/N: WARNING there is descriptions of blood withing this chapter ;))
(A/N: This chapter is written in the perspective of Dr Swan/Ghosty and includes flashbacks of when he was younger. Letting you know beforehand in case you get confused later on in the chapter ;))
"...Mum"
"What is it sweetheart? Is something the matter? " she asked me, confused as to why there was such a grim expression on my face. It was my seventh birthday afterall and with the huge pile of presents placed at the fireside any normal kid would be jumping in joy.
"What does father do? He always leaves early in the morning and comes back late at night. Does he not like being around us, did I annoy him?" I queried, as cold sweat ran down my back. I knew this was a sore topic for my mum, as she too was getting more and more depressed as the days went by.
Sometimes months could pass and we wouldn't catch even a glimpse of my father's face. It was almost as though he was making it his mission to avoid us.
It was becoming suffocating, so began perfecting all my tests and anything I did I would excel at it just so he would at least glance at me. I wanted him to look at me and tell me I had done a good job, but all he did was nod his head as though he was expecting that in the first place. What did I have to do to gain his attention? Be better than everyone else in the city, the country... The world?
"No, no sweety you didn't annoy him, it's just he's busy... With work" I could hear the doubt in my mum's voice as she glanced at the clock and tucked her light brown hair behind her ear. Both her and I knew he wasn't coming despite his promise, yet she still waited for him to arrive. He had never attended my birthdays. Why would my seventh be any different?, "He should be hear soon, do you want to cut the cake dear?"
"... Yeah. Why not." I know it was selfish of me to act so disappointed that it was only me and mum celebrating my birthday. I was just so annoyed that he wasn't there but at the same time he was like a lingering presence we just couldn't avoid. It was like he was some unachievable goal that I was undeserving of. It hurt to think that even though we were bound by blood he still had nothing to do with me, as though I was a disappointment in his eyes.
To be honest, I wouldn't have minded not having a father at all, it would have been better than one who failed to be present and made me feel inferior all the time. He was like a dark shadow that I could never seem to overcome. I'd have rather have no father at all than one that fleeted in and out as he pleased. It felt like we were only a family for display and nothing more.
What would it take to get him to truly see me and accept me as his equal? When will I hear him say that he's proud of me, his son?
~~~~~
Nine years later~
It was the day my world turned upside down. I was running home, after finding out that I had just won a competition allowing me to enter a private medical college. It was just one step on the way to my goal, it finally felt like all the long nights and early mornings were starting to pay off.
The rain ran down by cheeks as I sheilded my eyes from the incoming droplets. It felt refreshing, as though my worries and stress were being washed away by the cool water. Adrenaline pumped through my veins as the coldness rushed up and down my back mixing with the thrill of succeeding.
I couldn't wait to see my mum's gleeful face when I told her, afterall I was doing all this for her in the first place. She was struck with a terminal illness out of nowhere and none of the doctors we took her too could figure out what it was. Slowly, her body was beginning to deteriorate as she began coughing up blood and her organs were beginning to fail. Luckily father had hired a private doctor to keep her alive, which I guess was nice of him considering it didn't look like he gave a sh*t about us for all those years.
I had the resolution that as long as I could get my mum's unconditional love and approval it wouldn't matter to me if I didn't have his. It was tolerable and I could cope but just like all things in life, it's bound to run out at some point.
I slammed open the door in excitement, to find my mums limp body hanging in the mouth of a giant, white wolf. Blood dripped onto the floor, as the rain pattering outside slowly became nonexistent. Silence filled the room and all I could hear was the small droplets of blood treakling into a puddle on the floor.
I can't remember what I felt at that exact moment so many emotions fleeted by that it all just became a mass of numbness and confusion. I could only see the two golden eyes glaring back at me before passing out.
The event's of that day were always blurred and my father kept telling me that a wolf had came and killed her. I refused to believe him as I had saw how large it was compared to a normal wolf. Pressuring him in my deranged state, he revealed the truth of his organisation and how they dealt with cases like this.
"Exterminating these species is our goal, they're called the supernatural but they are really just monsters hiding in the shadows waiting to pounce on innocent humans. I was going to tell you all this when you turned eighteen and legally an adult but due to the circumstances it's probably better I tell you now. "
He stood cross armed at the door of the mental institution I was placed in, after being delirious and having constant outbursts at the people around me. My father told me that it was better to get my head checked just to be sure, so I agreed and willingly went with him.
"Circumstances being a F*U KING WEREWOLF KILLED MY MUM! YOUR WIFE! and yet you stand there with little to no emotion on your face. Do you even care? Did she ever matter to you?" I was angry-no furious at him. How could he leave us alone knowing that there was creatures like that roaming around killing people. Did his involvement in the organisation make us targets for them, is that why they killed my mum?
Unmoved by my rant he moved his hand to the back of his suit before removing a gun and pointing it at me. I froze in shock. Was this it? Was I going to die, now that my mums dead he doesn't need me anymore? Did I really mean nothing to him?
I watched carefully, as he brushed his free hand through his blonde hair, as his cold eyes heartlessly gazed down on me. Even now when I'm about to die he still looks down on me. This feeling... it's sickening. I don't want it anymore, I feel like I'm being suffocated by his presence.
"Quiet child," he softly commanded, but with his stare alone I could tell that the warning wasn't a empty threat. I picked up on the fact that even now he wouldn't call me son or even my name, but 'child'. Like I was some thing he was forced to have. I felt worthless and I desperately wanted to cry, but I refused to lower his image of me even further than what it already was.
"It would be troublesome to silence everyone in the institute including yourself due to your slip of the mouth, so raise your voice again and I'll have no choice but to kill you. Remember I told you this because you wanted to know. I'd have happily left you to go crazy in this place but the organisation is worried you might say some... unfavourable things that if were to be heard by the wrong people may become a threat to us." he reported, as though he was forced to do me a favour.
Lowering his gun, he left the room after warning me to keep quiet about everything that was discussed and that my life was now under his and the organisations control. Exhaling a breath I didn't realise I had held in, I laughed at myself for being so stupid but it quickly became a painful cry as tears began falling down my face.
Wow! I can't believe I ever wanted that guys approval it disgusts me, but what disgusts me more is the fact I still desire it even after all of this sh*t.
~~~~~
Aged twenty four~
I had finished all my medical studies earlier than what was expected, due to me excelling in all my subjects. My father decided that I would begin working at his organisation as a doctor if some sorts. However when I arrived, I discovered something more horrific and sickening, people and animals stuck in cages being tortured by people in lab coats.
I asked my father why he would show me all this and if I would be helping the tortured people, to which he laughed at me like I was stupid. He told me that all of them were monsters, the same monsters that killed my mother. That I wouldn't be helping them, but torturing them.
It was repulsive, but I knew that if I were to refuse I would only meet death. My only option was to join them under the pretense of a doctor, however I knew I was only going to be dissecting living things and researching their organs seeing how they worked. That wasn't what I became a doctor to do. I wanted to help people and fix them instead of tear them apart. I wonder at what point I lost myself to the madness just like all the others.
I was placed under the care of Dr. Shaw who showed me the ropes and how stuff was done but it wasn't long before I surpassed her and became the top of the field in most aspects. I realised that I was being treated a lot differently after that and people began fearing me. They listened to what I told them to do without fault, which made me feel superior and powerful.
However soon after my achievements were becoming well known across the organisation my father called me to a meeting with the council which was made up of elders who were on the brink of their death beds. They were forcing me to marry and begin a family of my own as it would ward of suspicion from outsiders. 'How could a monster start a family' was what they really wanted to say though.
It was at that point I suddenly felt the inferiority towards my father all over again. Realising that it didn't matter what I did because I was merely a cover for his identity all along and nothing more. I was essentially a fake son just so he could continue his work without suspicion.
I agreed, the same way my father probably did and accepted an ideal candidate, she was pretty and had an average amount of wealth. I didn't care much about the prospect of marriage, but I knew I would never develop feelings just like my father did for my mum. It was fake. Everything from the first meetings to the marriage and even when we conceived a child. It was all fake. The only time I felt something was at work when I could release all the frustration I built on my subjects.
Until I met her.
~~~~~
"Ahh-ahhhh-arghhhhh" I screamed at the sharp feeling, piercing my arm. This little b*tch has bit me and I haven't even begun, yet she still has the audacity to be like this even after I electrocuted her earlier for patronising me.
It hurt's so much! I'm involuntarily screaming because of the pain, how could a five year old have such a strong bite. Once I have her caged down I'll tear out these teeth and hang them on a stand, maybe then this little sh*t will learn. Why won't she stop I've stabbed her about ten times with the scalpel in the side of the neck yet she still didn't let go. A normal human would have died by now but she still had the strength to answer me back.
I decided it might work if I pierced her brain even if it meant killing her, at least it was better than me losing an arm. Fortunately, she passed out but she was still very much alive and who knew when she'd wake up. Injecting her with wolfsbane, I ordered a group of guards to drag her of to the isolation cube which could hold even the strongest of the subjects so I highly doubted a five year old would be able to escape.
Let me put the emphasis on 'doubted'. Who knew she had a seven foot wolf stuck in her body that was almost unstoppable. In fact she would have escaped, if not for her stopping when CW115 was shot down. We took the opportunity to shoot her with wolfsbane, which stopped her long enough to transport her to a new, higher security building.
Not knowing why she was so protective of subject CW115, we stored him in a nearby facility where we would use him as a last resort if she ever managed to escape again.
~~~~~
Who knew it would be so soon~
Tears rolled down her face as she looked at me with hurt and anger for what I had done to her. I guess I will only truly realise what I have done in death. The truth really does hurt...
I fell to the floor, my eyes watering as I recalled all the horrific things I had done to her and the others that had been placed under me as test subjects. I knew she was right. I was the monster and I had turned that innocent five year old into a monster too. I wasn't worth all the lives I've taken and destroyed all these years. I should've just refused when they asked me to join this organisation, or maybe it was deeper than that maybe I should have just accepted my mum's death with the lousy excuse my dad gave.
But it was too late for regrets now, all I can do is apologise. Even when I know it won't make a difference, I owe it to everyone I've made suffer in my lifetime. Maybe it will ease her conscience if I tell her it wasn't her fault and she isn't a monster for seeking revenge on this organisation. I'm sure deep down I want the same thing aswell... I was just blinded by my selfishness for so long I didn't realise it.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for their deaths, I'm sorry for killing all those innocents, I'm sorry... Mum, for letting you down and becoming the one thing you asked me not to be... Heartless" I was crying on the floor, letting her watch as I allowed myself to be swallowed by guilt and self hatred.
The truth was I knew she was right all along, that the wolf who killed my mum was seeking vengeance. Vengeance for his mate, a witch that was killed mercilessly in this facilty by my father . The witch had cursed my mum before her death causing the unknown illness nobody could cure. Her mate heartbroken by the loss of his other half found and followed my father home, deciding that as he had taken his mate he would serve the same punishment. Resulting in him killing my mum in a fit of rage and madness.
I remembered when I found her that day, she was still alive and told me not to harm it, that it was OK and that she was just paying fathers debt to them. I wouldnt have know what she was talking about if I hadn't discovered the past files of all the supernatural creatures my father had killed. She must have knew. Knew what father was really like and that's why she was so hesitant to let me know him. She didn't want me to become a heartless monster like him.
But I still did... Only this time I'll be the one paying my life and not my wife or child.
"You can kill me, but please don't go after my family. They have no idea what I do they're innocent, so please" I pleaded as tears still poured from my eyes. I looked pathetic but saving my family was more important. I flung my keys at her as a peace offering saying, "here! my keys. Take them so you can escape through the doors, there is also my car key so you can drive away out the city."
Suprisingly, she transformed back into a human and as much as it looked excruciatingly painful, it was also a magnificent sight that I would see once and only once. Her body was completely covered in blood as she lowered her hands and picked up the key chain, looking at it like it was some sort of bomb that was about to explode.
"You know it's just a key chain right it's not going to kill you" I asked, unsure if she trusted me.
"What's is a key chain? And also what's a car? An animal?" she asked, puzzled as to what I was talking about. I had thought she'd at least know what a key chain was... But clearly not.
I sighed, rubbing my forehead forgetting that I was in a life or death situation just seconds ago. How do I explain what these things are to someone who has lived in the wild or a cage her whole life. A pang of guilt crossed my mind as I was reminded of what I had done.
"Nevermind, get up now. You're taking me home my...hostage Ghosty."