"Hey... Promise"
"Wassup I ain't never thought you would remember me you good?"
"Am good. How about you?"
"I'm Gucci whatchu been up to tho"
Sam and I initial conversation. I must be honest, I was expecting something far more compelling, but it is what it is.
I prefer to be on a phone call than texting, but I woke up to two missed calls from Sam and I didn't feel inclined to return the call.
Energy is vital to navigating life.
~
One of the conversations that Ronnie and I always had was about traditions. I grew up in a family without traditions and I met families who lived for it and I prefer the latter. We've always talked about creating a signature dish or pastry or family getaway spot things I still want to do.
Now that I am retired from holding the world up, I can indulge in these fulfilling moments.
I enjoy baking, it soothes me, it's peaceful. I am creating and experimenting. It's so much fun. Especially when the pastry or the meal comes out delicious and intact.
Some years ago, I had a terrible baking experience that stared me away from it though. I was creating this cake for a high school project. Pineapple upside down cake. This was my first time baking anything.
I knew ovens baked but I never used it at home because it takes a lot of gas to bake and if the gas finished before time we would be without until they could afford to purchase it. Whenever that was..
I was on a team with another person and the teacher instructed us what to do. She told us to add excessive oil to the oven which prevented the cake from being edible. We became a mockery to the class.
My first time baking after that was a nerve racking experience. No one was jeering, because I was the only one eating it, but I felt like I had something to prove to myself.
I baked a sweet potato pudding Jamaican style and it spoiled. That's okay, it was my first time. The second time it also spoiled, I had no excused then. I baked banana breads, cookies, upside down coconut almond chocolate cake and now my very own double layer chocolate cake with chocolate cream cheese & buttercream frosting.
The idea is to create a signature four course meal that I specialize in.
Camalia loves to bake as well. Too bad we ain't friends like we used to be. This would be a great moment to share with her. Two gals in the kitchen whipping up a storm.
~
I bought a slice of chocolate cake for Ms Cecil.
"Who made this cake?"
"I did. What? Why you ain't never told me you are a chef?"
"Because am not. I just enjoy cooking and baking when it's not mandated so I put some love in it"
"It got love alright"
"How do you feel about baking this cake for our charity event next week?"
"No"
"Why not, it's amazing. Everyone except Mrs Joyce would love it"
"You know that's right, because nothing is good enough for Mrs. Joyce"
"I will think about it, for you"
'Thank you baby"
What in the world did I get myself involved in. I enjoy baking, but that's it, just an hobby.
~
Just as I stood there regretting my life choices, I glanced at my messages and remembered I didn't respond to Sam.
I woke up to two missed calls, so I wrote, " Hey just saw your missed calls. Regarding your question, I have been taking it easy, working towards my goals and living a quiet life".
He went on to ask me if I was employed and graduated and all that. What really got me though was when his insolent request. He clearly assumed I was the girl he knew five years ago.
"When last you go JA?"
"December 2019, you?"
"2016, you tryna go with me December?"
"Absolutely not. Am sure you're gonna enjoy yourself though".
"Lol, why not?"
"The real question is, why would I?"
"Why wouldn't you is the question you got a nigga or sump?"
"Whether or not I am dating someone, you're a stranger. It's not logical for me to get up and travel with you somewhere"
He thought I was being funny. I hate when guys come at me with their ego, I know this is not right, but I honestly will crush it right there.
After going at it for several minutes I was ready to tap out.
"So can I get back to knowing the stranger? Not gone lie tho this past week I just be thinking about you a lot"
"Depends... What are your intentions? Really! What exactly have you been thinking about?
"All good intentions. But I was thinking about when we use to talk. Can't explain exactly what but it's a good feeling tho just know that. WYD?"
I wanted to ask why he couldn't explain but that would've drawn out the conversation and I had a long day.
"Right. I am about to go to bed."
"Ight beautiful have a goodnight"
Another thing I hate is when guys try to smooth talk me and it's obvious. I am not impressed by a stranger telling me am beautiful because I already know.
If it's someone close to me and it's for reassurance purposes it has way more meaning, even though I still know.
~
Snapping out of my day dream, I decided to go home and start practicing my baking skills. No amount of prep can prevent mishaps and for some reason everything that can go wrong always does at the worst time.
I baked the entire weekend. No fault to date.
On the day of the event, the oven stopped working. We got it fixed in time to start baking before people arrived.
In a rush to finish the cakes in time, I fit two at a time in the oven. I should have just waited.
Thirty minutes in, I tested the cakes and the middle were still runny. I knew it was because none of the cakes were in the center where the heat penetrates.
I placed them individually in until the middle was baked.
This dried out the cakes, but thank God for my chocolate cream cheese buttercream frosting that gave it some life.
"The cake dried out Ms. Cecil" I said walking over to her.
"It still tastes good though" Said Mrs. Joyce
We both snapped our heads to really see if that came from Mrs. Joyce. This woman never has anything good to say, so that means it really tastes good.
It's about time I forgave her for lying on me. Plus I lied on many people before and I would like them to forgive me, even though forgiveness is for the person who gets hurt and not the one who hurts them.
A few Christmas back I went to Jamaica and while standing on the road having a conversation with someone she drove up in front of us.
"Hi Soldier" She said ignoring the fact that I was standing there.
They spoke for minutes until she drove off.
Mrs. Joyce is married to my Godfather and she taught me mathematics in primary school for a year. A mutual friend to my God father and my mother banks money for her when she sends it from overseas.
My mother gave her friend her bank book to give my brother. Her friend gave my godfather and he gave Mrs. Joyce since she works in the community that I lived and would be more likely to see my brother.
I messaged my godfather asking if I could see him before I left to say hi and collect the book. He told me he was unavailable. Little did I know that this was because Mrs. Joyce told him that I stared her in the face and didn't say anything to her that's why she didn't give me the bank book.
So in his defense, I had the opportunity and didn't take it.
When my mother told me, I sent a message telling him I am disappointed in his action. He didn't respond to me.
It's time to let it go.
~
I felt pleased about my cake, even though it came out dry. I will continue to recreate this until it becomes perfect. I found my signature cake.
No one to share it with, sigh!
I have always had an individualistic mindset. I grew up seeing my dad do everything by himself and I adopted that.
I thought it was good, because after all, I don't have to account to anyone and things get done ahead of time and it's less stressful.
This mindset caused me to struggle even more in school because everything was team work and I hated the stress that came with that.
As I grow older, I still do what I can by myself, but if after I attempt something I cannot figure it out, I ask for help.
What I don't like though, is lazy people. They ask for help for everything or they do nothing. Those people I don't enjoy helping.
For some reason I am always placed in groups with either lazy people or those who think they know everything. It seemed like there wasn't any balance.
Outside of that, it's lonely when you have things you discovered or achieved and you don't have the closest people around you to celebrate with.
This has been the case for most of my life.
Reflecting on this, I am extremely grateful for my mother who has been my biggest supporter. This woman, has done above and beyond. I could say that's her job, but many mothers are not doing what she has done and continues to do for me, so I won't sleep on her.
Yes, we disagree and argue sometimes, but who doesn't? that's a part of the growing process.
I can share my signature cake with her. When we visit each other.