"I'm gonna send your sister back to Jamaica!"
"Why?"
"The girl doesn't have any manners, I told her to do something and she refused!"
It's hard being the bigger child. Yes I got to leave home early and have my freedom but is it really free when everything happens in the household have to be mitigated by me!
I must admit, sometimes I insert myself in the equation if am on the phone with them and I hear something out of character, but most times, I am dragged into it.
My mother keeps thinking I am taking my sister's side and that she isn't doing a great job as a parent. I constantly reassure her that both of them are my family and it wouldn't do me any good to be picking sides when we are on one team.
Additionally, she doesn't seem to understand that not everything a child does is a reflection of her capabilities. When she interprets them as she parenting wrong and takes that frustration out on her then it may very well be.
I vaguely remember what it was like being her age, thirteen years old. I wanted to be free, loved and enjoy my life. Except I already had so much responsibilities none of those things were possible.
My entire teenage years were like this to be honest and I spent most of it rebelling because I wasn't sure how else to handle everything.
This is my sister's situation. From the other day, she has been asking me about finding work for her. Which thirteen year old wants to be working? I didn't, but we all cope with things differently.
I understand my mother's frustration nonetheless. No parent wants to feel like they are not in control. Yet I believe, the need for control is wrecking relationships from left to right.
Yes, a thirteen year old is under the parents control, and the child needs to understand that, but things like choice clothes, being a christian, career choices are just that, choices that the child should have some say in.
It's difficult raising a child in today's society if you are a traditional parent, because with the media and everything going on, everyone feels entitled. I am dreading the moment I have to deal with this, trust me, I want the kids, but not so much the contention.
On the other hand of this, if you teach the child to not speak up for themselves in the home, that's exactly what they will do when they leave home. Or be even more rebellious and speak without limit.
I commend my mother honestly, because this is a full time position and it's a hard one. I talk to both of them when I am in the middle of the situation, but I am not a parent so I can't give parenting advice.
I can only give perspective so they both can see that they are contributing to the problem.
Wait. Didn't I say I am done being a bridge!
~
Like an addiction, I had no idea it would be this hard letting things go. One of the easiest things to do is give an opinion to a situation that you think you could have done differently.
There are things that I believe can be done differently, but if I heard someone say they have a problem that I don't have, I can speak so freely to it even making it seems like it's not that deep.
In reality, it may very well be.
As I go through my life committed to becoming the best version of myself, I am learning how to extend grace and empathy to people and situations I once spoke down on.
"I would never do that. It's beneath me!"
"It's not that hard to speak up for yourself"
""I would never tolerate that"
All things I have said and done the opposite of. It's easier to speak on something when you aren't experiencing it, than to fight it when you are.
I am going to call back Camalia and try to build again. I am broken and this is this last thing I want to do, but if I have learned one thing since I started following Christ, it's that, it's easy to lose our way.
"Hey, do you have some time to talk today?"
"Yes, I can talk at twelve" She text back in less than a minute.
I decided to save the phone call for later. Baby steps. I wasn't sure if I could handle hearing her voice twice in one day.
While I completed my chores for the day I thought about whether I should call Ronnie and make it a three way call or speak with them individually.
Before I decided how to proceed, Camalia called.
~
"Hey, are you ready to talk?"
"Yes. What you did to me was wrong, but the truth is, I am mad because I didn't tell him how I felt in time. Additionally he lied to me that he had some girl where he was. I would say it would have been better if I knew before now, which is partially true, because I probably would have still felt humiliated. I am extending you grace.
"Okay, straight to the point. I understand and I am grateful that you even want to talk to me. I am sorry for hurting you, and messing up our friendship. I don't expect us to be bestie or anything, but I would like to keep in touch now and then"
"What is your concept of now and then?"
"A few days in the week or daily"
"Sounds like bestie to me!"
We both chuckled and started catching up.
Was I the only one who thought Chevrolet was pronounced as spelt, instead of sheh·vruh·lay. I don't even want to get into this. How do you get lay from let.
Here I am thinking Jamaicans create the worst pronunciation rules.
Camalia and I went back and forth over this until she gave in and ran a google search for confirmation. We bicker over the silliest things at times, but it's never too serious.
I left that conversation feeling energized. Forgiveness is really for the offended and not the offender.
~
It's funny the things you realized you haven't forgiven until you talk about them. Sam and I have been having more conversations lately.
During one of them he asked me out on a date and I turned him down. After nagging me I told him that it's because I am not dating now in general and I am not dating him personally.
We started talking about our past thing or whatever it was, because I refuse to say I was ever in a relationship. We had no idea what we were doing.
After talking about it, and getting some more details as to why he did what he did, I remembered a part of the story that I apparently cropped out in my mind.
Not only was I able to let it go fully, I saw that there is really more sides to a story. I couldn't help but wonder what other story have I fabricated in my head and believed that is only half the truth.
Talking to Sam over the past few days have been fun. He has a sense of humor, always messing around and reminding me that you can't take everything so serious.
All this is great, but the reasons I turned him down is because, he is not a christian, he curse in every sentence and he also smokes, all of which are non negotiable for me.
This is not some super religious fantasy, but as a christian, it's necessary to be in relationship with a christian. Not only does the bible tells us this, but in reality, if I am pulling a rope east and my partner is pulling it west, we are not going anywhere.
This is essentially what our relationship would be like.
I keep thinking if I could crop four guys that I currently know I could create the guy I want.
From Ronnie I would take his personality and his built physique. From Travis I would take his overly sexy neck and legs and that thing, wink wink!. From Miquel I would take his Christianity and Sam his dark skin and humor.
I think I would need five guys to combine actually, the other one would be for the money.
~
Speaking of money, that is Camalia's middle name. She would only need one of these guys and it's the one who has the money.
She claims it will solve all her problems, and while I disagree, I can't argue that money is not important in a relationship because that would be a lie.
We are from different backgrounds that has everything to do with our preferences. Something I have grown to learn is, it adds to the conversation when people have differential views.
Who wants to be apart of a discussion that everyone is just agreeing and in five minutes the room is silent because of lack of point of views? Definitely not me!
Speaking of point of views, I am gonna run this by Camalia and hear her thoughts on my five guy combinations.
I mean, I know she is with Ronnie so the conversation will be awkward, but I can use an hypothetical in his place, she won't know.
Wonder if Ronnie is some super rich prince that disguises himself as a Civilian and Camalia found out about it why she is with him? It could very well be because she only follows the money.
Now we really need to talk.