I thought everything would be fine but a curse to hell, it's a NO. Now, I believe in the saying that, once you break a rule you must face its consequence.
So here am I, sitting on the couch in my room with my hands together and lowering my head because of their stares that can put me on a grave. They're standing right in front of me with the most strict and disappointed eyes.
I know that I was wrong for escaping these four corner rooms but it was freaking lit! I had the pleasure of seeing a lot of kids roaming around, running, and walking with their families.. I couldn't even describe how overwhelmed I was while remembering what happened to me on this day. I had fun despite foreseeing my parents scold me. It was worth it but at the same time, I feel guilty for making all of them worry about me.
I realized that breaking a rule once is quite good...just like what the kid said, it was good. I experienced the freedom of roaming around without no one stopping me. I'm contented with what I have experienced. But of course, the guilt after breaking a rule freaked me out. I made them worried and disappointed for what I did and I can feel those.
"Reina Constancia." My father's voice crawled on my spine that gives me shivers. I know that he's calm but it's way calmer than how he spoke to me before with our casual chats. and I expect that he's mad.
With how they look at me is different than before, I need to cope up with a perfect lie that can excuse me for all the scolding.
"I-i'm sleepy..." I excused with a lie... wow, how perfect is it? Tsk. I don't want to hear them scolding me. I'm afraid of the words they would say to me.
"Don't use that excuse to us, Reina," Mommy said strictly.
I pouted and give them a look of a forfeiting puppy. "I'm sorry."
"Why did you do that?" Dad asked.
"I just want to have fun."
"But that fun would kill you, Reina!" My Mom exclaimed. I never heard her raising her voice against me...she must be mad at me...so mad.
"You could tell us what you want but don't you ever escape."
Wow, as if I'm not telling them about those everyday. I've told them for a hundred of times but all they do is to smile and told me unassured things...but now that I escaped and have that freedom to see the Ferris Wheel I wished to see since then, they gon mad. What should I choose now? They're really hard to understand but they're still my parents. Emotions shouldn't take over me to disrespect them through the words I'll say.
I took a deep breath.
Mom is still looking at me with her mad expression while Dad is too silent and his emotions are blank.
"I always talk to you about what I wanted and that is seeing a Ferris wheel. You always answer 'yes' but it doesn't even come to life but now that I broke a rule just for me to see those, you're telling me that one." I sighed. "It's okay for me to see it from afar but you didn't even give me a chance to see it but now that I've seen it without your consent you're all scolding me. You're all mad and disappointed."
"Reina, think of it. What if something happened to you?" Dad sighed and brushed his hair up. "Smoke and Dust are not good for your health. You know that you're in a critical state yet you choose to disobey us. Is it hard to understand those things? We often say and let you remember things because you're not the same as those kids outside." he explained.
Nana Mia went out. Dad and Mom were seated in front of me, I guess they calmed a little bit or I just assumed they are.
I lift my head again and look at them straight. "Tell me, Dad, Mom." I took a deep breath and brushed my hair through my fingers.
Their eyes become attentive.
"Do I need to break a rule just for me to be happy?" I asked them and bend my thumb, I do this to calm myself. I never asked them this before, now I have guts because I can't control myself anymore but don't get me wrong... I'm trying.
"I know that you're now calling me a bad girl inside your head but how come can you see the good in me if you can't observe how I happy I am right now.... I can't even get the happiness I'm hoping to have, but now, I just did and you're mad at me for being happy. Just seeing a Ferris wheel is enough for me." I pursed my lips. "I'm a good girl, right? this is just the time that I didn't follow but why do I feel like I'm carrying the nation's problems?"
"This is not what we meant from scolding you, Reina Constancia." Mom affirmed. Her face softened.
I nodded."I know, I'm just saying what's inside my head...Why are you all mad at me just because I break a rule just to be happy?" My voice broke. I'm strong and I wouldn't cry in front of them. "I'm cage in here, how come I can feel happy if all I know that I'll die so soon? So, before I die, I break a rule just to be happy."
"You're not going to die, Reina!" Mom corrected me. "How can you say that if we're all giving all of our best just to find what you needed? Honey, you won't die."
I was wrong...I reflected on my mind what I just said... Mom is right, they're doing their best just for me to feel better yet I always think that I'll die so soon... it will be an insult to them...to my parents... to my nurses and of course, to my doctors.
"Please, follow what we're saying and don't even do that again. it's for your sake, Reina." Dad said, pleasing.
I don't have any choice but to nod. This is me, I have no choices to choose at all. All I need to do is to follow them without having my happiness.
No matter how you explain yourself they would only believe in their beliefs even though it doesn't include your happiness.
"O-okay." I sighed.
Both of them stood up.
"Don't do that again, Reina. You don't know how much you made all of us worry." Mommy said. I bow my head low. "You bothered everyone with your naughtiness. You make everything messy because of worrying. I don't want you to do that again." With that, Mom left the room gloomy.
My father walked towards me. He ruffled my hair and held my chin up. "I'm sorry for saying those, I thought you're okay in here, I never think that you're longing alone."
I nodded and give my father an assuring smile cuz I can feel how guilty he was, but I'm not sure if it was guilt or sympathy.
"It's okay. I'm sorry for making all of you worried but I won't be sorry because, at that time, all I know is that, I'm satisfied." I smiled at him. "I'm not able to ride it but I'm delighted to see it."
My daddy smiled and kissed my forehead. "I'm glad to hear that. For now, just rest. Your dinner will be served in an hour. Don't be vicious, Reina."
I nodded again. "Okay."
Dad went out and I'm alone again. I took a deep breath and went to my bathroom. They didn't put dextrose on me that's why I can move freely.
I remove all my clothes and entered the bathtub.
I closed my eyes and a sudden memory appeared on my mind...and it's no other than what happened to me this afternoon.
Noah showed me how to ride a bike, I didn't try it because even though Noah is one of the trusted butlers, I don't feel safe at all, not to Noah but myself, I might put myself into shame since I don't know how to ride a bike.
We even stroll around while laughing because of the sudden memories Noah and I had, well, he talked about how naughty I was when I was a kid and before I came here to this hospital to get my medication.
Those memories will burry deep down through my heart that no one can take it. That memory will be my strength not to give up therefore I'll be better and the next time I'll go to that place... I'll be riding the Ferris Wheel.
I didn't last long in the bathtub, I just rest myself a little bit and showered. After that, I grab myself a pair of nightclothes and headed out.
Nana Mia entered with a tray. "Are you okay?" she asked.
I gave her a nod and walked towards the dining table just for me. I seated and grab some pillow to place on my lap for me to be comfortable. Nana Mia placed the tray in front of me and seated.
I pulled my plate in silence. I grab a spoonful of food and shove it in my mouth silently.
"RC." Nurse Mia called me softly.
I looked at her. "Po?"
"So how do you feel seeing a Ferris wheel?" she asked smiling. She must been curious about what happened to me while I'm away.
The side of my lips rose. "It was good. I'm glad to see it honestly. I'm hoping to ride it one day."
"You're going to ride that, honey. For now, you should get better and follow your doctor's will because everything we do is good for you, okay?"
"Yes, I will."
After I had my dinner, Nana Mia cleaned everything for me, and after that, she leaves me so I'm all alone now and can do things that I want.
I'm sitting on the Moon chair while facing the big glass window in my room.
You know what, while staring at the stars, I feel like I'm one with them.
I sighed.
Soon, I'll be one of them.
Ugh! Damn it Reina. I just said you shouldn't think of those yet you're still saying it. I badly wanna bow and apologize to my doctors if they would know what's inside of my head.
I stood up and wear my slippers.
I didn't have a chance to visit the other room so I'm visiting that room for today, well, I'm kinda bored and not so tired so I will.
I walked silently and opened the door. I peek outside and there's no one on the way.
I step outside and immediately turned right just to face my neighbor's room. I knocked. No one opened the door after I knocked thrice so I entered even though no one ever told me to enter.
I saw a guy laying on his bed peacefully, there's a lot of things attached to his body, maybe, it will keep him alive. I can even hear a lot of machine beeping, it's kinda creepy.
I wonder when he will be okay.
I wonder when he will be awake.
I tilted my head and stared at him attentively. He got the looks that really asset my attention. By staring at him, I feel something weird compressing through my heart.
How come, did it skip a beat?
Is it because of my condition or is it because this is the first time I laid my eyes on a man with a different glimpse?
What's happening to me?!
Is it part of the feeling I have where I saw the Ferris Wheel? or is it just some random feeling because...finally, someone is here.
But whatever is it... I'm happy that I'm not alone anymore just like before.
A smiled formed on my lips while staring at him.
He looks so peacefully but I can sense that he's in pain.
I hope he'll be okay so soon.