Author note : hello guys I will try to update everyday but I also work and my health is also not good, you guys understand me, we know
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At times I wish I could take you in my arms and protect you from the outside world. You will never know what this heart feels for you, maybe here I was wrong, I should have confessed my feelings, when the time was right.
"Hanguang-Jun, I hope you shall join us for the banquet?" Sect Leader Nie enquires. Bowing down, I decline his offer and move towards the chamber assigned to me for the night.
Knowing Wei will be present, my heart cannot take another gash of his words. Knowing he isn't the same Wei I once knew, I prefer to not be present than watch him hurt himself.
Playing Wangji is what would bring me peace that I yearn for right now. Burning the incense, I call for Wangji, and play the melody my heart knows now.
Closing my eyes, I play for what used to be. I play for what could have been, but more so I secretly play so that your souls has some peace. I dream about you, laying down peacefully on my lap. My fingers playing with you're tresses just the way they play on the Zither. Your innocent smile beams up and our bunnies greeting their savior.
That night, I long for him to come to me. I wish I could take you in my arms and save you from all that's dark and unappeased. As I play my last chords, I witness a silhouette outside my chamber holding a bottle and my eyes widen imperceptibly. Is that you Wei? Walking towards the door, I watch you lean against the wall, looking towards my chamber's direction and my heart melts. So, do you care?
Watching Jiang Cheng walk upto you, I hide like a love sick teenager eager to hear your conversation!
'Lan Wangji! You're breaking the Gusu Rules' I can hear the elders taunting me and my heart least cares now.
I have broken many rules for him already'
"Why do you look so sad, Wei Wuxian?" Jiang Cheng looks at my chamber's direction too and then back to Wei and he sighs "Lan Wangji is still not talking to you?" He shakes his head "You both did not part in good terms, maybe he hates you?"
No. I don't hate him. Rather it's opposite of hate. I am scared. Scared for him. Scared for his heart. It will not be the same. Scared that one day... He won't recognise me!
"I don't care if he hates me" Wei pauses looking back at my direction "I don't hate him. Never can" he walks away and Jiang Cheng follows him.
Turning back to my room, I clutch my heart. I could never hate you Wei. Yes maybe there are certain differences between us, but never could I hate you. Never will.
Taking a stroll the next morning, I watch the sun shine brightly as ever. The rays of the sun welcomes me in its bosom and I hope today, I could talk to Wei. Will he understand that what I speak is for his benefit? Not everything that is pure can last forever but I want you too. Without you, there is no me.
"Hanguang-Jun" a Nie Sect servant bows "ZewuJun has arrived and has asked for an audience from all the prominent sects."
Brother is here?
Walking into the Unclean Realm, my brother smiles when he sees me "Wangji" and I bow to him. Somewhere the pain in my heart eases when I see him. One who matters to me. They continue to discuss their plans against the Wen Clan. Standing afar from them, I observe that Wei is not to be seen. Jiang Cheng looks frustrated but unable to say much, when unexpectedly the doors open and with a gust of wind Wei saunters in.
"Sect Leader Nie, you need to worry about the Yin Iron" Wei smiles eerily.
"Do you have a plan?" My brother enquires and Wei nods "Yes, the day we attack, you'll know" with a bow he walks away.
"This is preposterous, how can he enter and exit at his will? He has no respect for anyone here!" Says an unwanted member from the JinLing Sect
My grip against the Bichen tightens and I wish to slash his tongue and hand it back to him.
"Wangji?"
"Hm"
"Is something bothering you?" Gege enquires and I look at him.
"What is right and what is wrong brother? How does one distinguish between black and white? Can't one accept both when the matter regards the heart?" I ask and my brother smiles.
"Wangji, from what I have read, it all says what is right and wrong. Certain deeds are defined right. Certain are defined wrong" he turns to me "but when it comes to one's heart, it's quiet difficult to judge what is black and white"
"Hm"
"Is everything alright Wangji?"
"I don't know"I turn to walk and Gege joins me. He knows when I am deep in my thoughts, he knows it's best to leave me alone but this conversation is far from over.
As we take a turn, we meet the Jiang Sect duo. Wei's eyes seek mine and his steps falter. The emotions that swirl in them are as depthless as an ocean. Unable to keep my emotions in check, I look away. They bow to us and we reciprocate and without another word he walks past by me but not without a fleeting glance, our eyes meet and his eyes look sad.
What's wrong with you Wei?
"Wangji, were your questions pertaining to Young Master Wei?" When I don't answer, Gege questions further "Are you worried about him?"
Not wanting to talk about the situation here, my answer is simple "No" and I walk away. Knowing my brother he does not give up, as we walk back to my chamber, he prods "Wangji, I know you! You consider Young Master Wei to be your friend, maybe even" he pauses "you cannot ignore him. Please talk to him. He's the only one close to my brother. He's the only one for whom you have shown remote emotions" just as he turns to leave, brother gives me one last advice "your eyes change when you see him, your emotions change when you see him, you're happy when you're with him. Please don't give up" with that he leaves.
Bearing the courage my brother installed in me, I walk up to his chamber, but when I think about our last parting words, the wounds in my heart reopen and I stall for a moment before I give up and leave.
"Second Master Lan" a gentle voice calls my name and I turn to find its Wei's Shijie "Lady Jiang"I bow with utmost respect.
"Are you here for A Xian?" She enquires. Unable to answer her I am about to leave when she stops me "Second Master Lan, please I have something to ask you?"
"Hm"
"Is Wei cultivating a different path? What are the consequences?"
"Any path other than swordsmanship can lead to different path, it change one's heart and temperament"
"Hanguang-Jun" Wei calls my name from behind "what nonsense are you spouting to my Shijie".
His words pierce my heart. Do you think I would ever speak ill of you? Unable to stand the pain, I leave.
Pain. Rage. Sadness.
These emotions again.
Hurt.
Wanting to be away from all these emotions, I am about to mount my Bichen to leave when I hear my name being called out.
"Lan Zhan, stop. Wait. Sorry" Wei pleads and my anger peaks. Sorry? After all the hurtful things you say, you're sorry?
My Bichen attacks him with no intention to hurt him but to teach him not to hurt me again. =
You're hurting me Wei.
He blocks it with his flute but not for long. The blade of Bichen meets his throat for it to be marred by me, but his closed eyes and acceptance of defeat in my hand, to sheath it back.
When he opens his eyes, the smile he bestows upon me is the most genuine one I have seen in long time.
Keep smiling Wei. Keep smiling.
Oh Lan Zhan, I wish to hug you soooo much ♡(><)♡
chapter and
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