Note: I am combining the backstory of the drama and book to create my own imagination of Lan Zhan's feelings towards Wei. So for those who haven't read the book, it might be a little different for you.
"Lan Zhan" he smiles sadly as we stand on top of the cliff of the Nightless City "do you agree with what is happening? Mercilessly eliminating anyone who even remotely belongs to the Wen Sect! Lan Zhan, who is right and who is wrong here? Are you even able to distinguish between white and black? Is this honorable, Lan Zhan?"
"Wei Ying" I whisper.
We look into eachothers eyes and the depth of sadness in his eyes makes me want to embrace him for an eternity and keep him away from all the darkness.
"Come back to Gusu with me, I am learning new notes. It will help you cleanse" I plead. His smile is even more haunting "So even you don't trust me do you?". I am unable to give him any reply. Not that I don't trust him, but he won't believe if I do assure him. My faith in you is unshakeable, Wei Ying. Look into my heart, my soul and the truth is what you would find there.
He is about to leave, when I, without thinking too much, hold his arm gently"You promised me that you'll let me help you" my eyes implore to him the truth in my heart but he, he refuses to see that.
"When there is no trust, no amount of help would seem genuine, Lan Zhan. Go back" he walks away and my heart bruises a little more. That moment is one of the most painful part of my life. Him walking away and me unable to stop him.
5
Lest I knew, years later, it would be the same place that I would loose him forever.
3
The next day as each Sect bid their farewells and promise to be a part of the Big Pheonix Mountain Hunt, the Yunmeng Sect are ready to leave before us. As I wait for a small glimpse from him, he looks at me with such apathy that my heart shatters again. Don't I mean anything to you? My brother turns to seek me, asking me if I am alright? Unable to provide an answer my posture is even more stoic.
That day when everyone were rejoicing victory, my heart was in tatters.
to Gusu and unable to stay still, I walk into the library pavillion to research on the notes which would calm one's heart and mind. It does not matter if I don't mean a thing to him, but for me, he is everything.
3
After few days, me being locked up in Jingshi, my brother notices something being amiss. "Wangji" brother enters Jingshi and finds me playing my Zither "I have been informed that from the time you came back, you have been reading a lot of books and constantly playing your music. Is everything alright?"
"Brother, please allow me to go to Yunmeng" I bow. Eyes widening, he smiles kindly "Yunmeng?" "Hm"
"Alright, go but return before uncle, he would not appreciate, you being there".
Thank you.
Walking down the streets, reminds me of a lifetime when I used to search for the red ribbon. Irony, I am still searching for its owner even today. A young beautiful maiden, walks towards me and I can feel everyone's eyes on us as she hands over a Peony to me. Winking she leaves when another maiden hands over a Peony. I can hear some laughter in the background and I choose to ignore it when suddenly in my peripheral, I see another Peony being thrown at my direction and I catch it. As I catch it, I witness a red ribbon flutter and my parched soul smiles.
Wei Ying.
"Lan Zhan! So happy to see you here of all places. Come up. Let's drink" Wei winks. Entering the inn, I walk upto the upper floor, but I wish I hadn't come here. Surrounding him are the maidens who had given me these flowers and now, each of them are sitting on his lap and seductively purring his name.
"These are yours" I place them on the table in front of him and he smiles eerily. "Lan Zhan, they're yours. Keep them. My gift to you" he caresses the women's hair and my heart is inconsolable.
You're not my Wei.
Closely observing them, I realise they're not actual maidens but are spirits.
"Who are they Wei?"
"These, these are my results of cultivation. They're mine to do as pleased. They listen only to me and no one else. Aren't they pretty" he drinks more wine from his jar. "Lan Zhan, have some" when I don't make a move to drink he laughs "Oh I forgot, you Gusu's forbid the consumption of alcohol. Too bad. These are tasty. Not like Emperor's Smile but still good".
"Come back to Gusu with me" I blurt and his eyes instantly change. "How many times are you going to repeat and how long should I reject the idea? Get this Lan Zhan, I am not going back with you. Now either you leave or I shall?". When I don't make a move, he picks up the jar and without turning back he rudely states "Hope if we meet next time, we meet under better circumstances" and with those parting words, he leaves.
To live with an inconsolable heart, is a painful truth, which I gradually learn to accept it.
"How was your trip to Yunmeng?" Brother enquires when he sees me reading the books again.
"Could have been better"
"You look sad" he comments on the fact and I neither deny nor accept it. A knock on the door and we both look up "Elder is asking for you two". Without further ado, we walk upto our unless room.
"XiChen, you need to attend the meeting held by the JinLing Sect" he looks over at me and his eyes are not kind.
He hands me a white box "Wangji, when XiChen had to flee, obviously there were some things that were left out and many of them are our rules. I want you to copy all of them and make it precise. Our Gusu Clan is based on our principles and I know you won't let it go vain" I hear a subtle threat in his voice.
Bowing down, I accept the box but in return plead "Give me permission to enter the Forbidden room".
"Have you read all the books in Library Pavilion?" His voice takes a tough demeanor but I don't relent "Please, Let me enter the Library Pavilion".
"Wangji, complete the task your given" he dismisses me and brother pats my back. He understands that my heart is paining. Unable to argue, we bow and leave.
"Wangji" uncle calls my name and there is a hint of warning in them. I understand. You don't want me to enter, cause of Wei.
Being stubborn that I am, I do not give up. I complete my task of setting the rules but when time permits, I do sneak into the Forbidden room.
For my Wei, I can go against the entire Gusu Clan.
Your courage knows no bounds Lan Zhan and for your Wei, yup we know, you can set your boundaries quiet high.
We love you sweetheart. Be strong.
chapter and .....