Panting, I lean against a tree away from prying eyes and moreso, away from Wei Ying. What I did was not right. I had no right to take such an advantage of him. No, I shouldn't have done that! But when I reminisce about what happened a moment ago, my finger involuntarily touch my lips. They're tingling. I bite my lips when I think of his. His succulent lips. Raw with redness. His sweet breath fanning against my cheeks.
His moan.
Instantly a unknown heat engulfs me from within and I clench my fingers my mail digging into my palm and the pain is something I welcome.
His sweet gasp when I bit his neck. His whimper when I licked him. His rough breath against mine when I plunged my tongue into his to seek my mate.
His hair. Silky and heavy in my hand as my nails scraped through his scalp to get a firm hold. Wrapping his red ribbon against my wrist, I pulled it loose and few of his hair covered a part of his face. Some few tendrils of hair were stuck to his nape as slight sweat had been formed there.
His pale cheeks were rudy from the exertion and agression of our kiss. His musky scent.
My body against his... Every sinew of his body's shape is etched on mine. His chest against mine. His waist infused with mine. His heart conjoined with mine.
That one moment, I lived for me. That one moment, it didn't matter who I was. I was not Hanguang-Jun. Nor was I Lan Wangji. Nor was I Lan Zhan. I was just his. I was just me.
That one moment, I pledged my heart to him. For an eternity. It did not matter whether it would be reciprocated, but I wish he would acknowledge my feelings, someday.
I found myself in him. I knew he was the one. Maybe I always knew. Back then too and now even more.
Remembering our past, I can't not think back to the toothy smile you gave me. Maybe I was already yours. Maybe when you gave me the painting and the flowers, I must have lost my heart to you a little more. Maybe it would have been all those incessant annoyance that you tried to get my attention with, but lest you knew you already had them to begin with.
Maybe it could have been those days where we were stuck in Mount Muaxi and there I wrote you a song. No not a song. It was my heart.
For me, it has always been you. Be it playing Inquiry for all these years or searching for you those three months. You're mine. That's a fact. More so, I am yours.
Sighing deeply, I still feel the strange heat within me, which reminds me of the advantage I took of Wei. That was not right and in fit of rage, unable to bear the humiliation, I hit the tree beside me and unfortunately, it snaps in two.
"Wow, what's wrong with you?" He questions from behin and I whirl in shock. When did he come? How did he find me? Does he know it was me? He has a smirk and my eyes land on his lips, again. His mole is more prominent and I curse myself inwardly.
Lan Zhan, don't you dare go there!
"Nothing" I turn away from him.
"Wait, Lan Zhan" he pauses and then continues "Did you happen to see a young maiden nearby?" I turn to look at him and I shake my head "No"
"I wonder where she went?" He taps his nose. "Lan Zhan, the most astonishing thing just happened to me. I was kissed" he grins and at that I freeze. "I am sure she was a shy maiden who did not want to approach me directly thinking I might reject her" he laughs and my heart sinks.
Rage. Pure rage.
"I don't know what you're talking about!" I turn to leave when he pulls my arms and forces me to turn towards him. That one moment, we're so close. I can see the specks of his eyes. "Lan Zhan, have you been kissed before?" His questions truly shocks me and I inturn ask him "Have you been kissed before?".
For a moment he freezes but then nods enthusiastically, "Oh yes, so many times" he laughs.
What?
When?
How?
"Lan Zhan, do you think I would not have had my first kiss by now? What, am I going to be a virgin forever?" He grins widely "Lan Zhan, I bet you're a virgin! You must have never kissed anyone" he laughs and my heart shatters. "I know for sure, you'd grow old and be a virgin who has not kissed anyone" he places his arms around me and looks into my eyes "Trust me Lan Zhan, you should go and find a partner for yourself" he winks "and experience the mind blowing kiss I just experienced".
It's my turn to smile, but that's not for him to see. "Mind blowing kiss?" I ask and he nods "Yeah, whoever that maiden was, she got my blood rushing" he elbows me in the ribs "if you know what I mean?"
Unable to hear more, I push him away. I realise a sad fact, he did not resist the kiss. He actually did not resist the kiss. Not once it mattered to him. For him, this was truly just a random kiss. Unlike mine, where it meant absolute courage and feelings from within. I don't matter to him, do l?
This saddens me terribly.
"Wei Ying?"
"Yeah"
"What do I mean to you?" I ask and my heart palpitates. What do I actually mean to you? Do I mean just a mere acquaintance? A comrade? What?
"Lan Zhan, you're my closest confidante" he smiles with utmost sincerity that I have never seen in him. "You're my closest friend, my everything" pausing he then enquires "Lan Zhan, what am I to you?"
My soulmate.
That's the answer that resonates truly from my soul and heart, but before I could tell him the truth, he sees his Shijie and Jin Zi Xuan and he pulls me to hide with him behind a bush.
I never could give him an answer. I never got a chance. Never got a chance to tell him in that lifetime. My answer was incomplete. He got a chance to ask his question but I never had the chance to give him one.
It still echoes within me.
You're my Soulmate, Wei Ying. Always will be.
(I'd like to request you all to take a minute out and listen to this beautiful song song by Finding Hope. The songs name is 'Love' This music truly depicts what Lan Zhan feels right now!!!)
Is it me or is this chapter really heart wrenching? I mean here we have Lan Zhan who has just confessed his feelings for Wei and on the other hand we have Wei who is absolutely oblivious to Lan Zhan's heart!!!
Lan Zhan, let me hug you.
chapter and