How can I say this without breaking ?
How can I say this without taking over ?
How can I put it down into words when it's almost too much for my soul alone ?
I loved and I loved and I lost you (x3)
Yeah it hurts like hell
.
I don't want them to know the secrets
.
I don't want them to know the way I loved you
.
I don't think they would accept me, no
.
I loved and I loved and I lost you (x3)
.
Yeah it hurts like hell
.
Inside my head like adversaries
.
Clean from the war
.
Your heart fits like a key
.
I turn it over, I turn it over
.
I loved and I loved and I lost you (x3 )
.
And it hurts like hell.
.
Please read to this song. It perfectly describes Lan Zhan's feelings right now.
Waiting for you with bated breath and nothing mattered. Except you and me. I wish things hadn't changed. I wish things remained as chaste as ever. I wish I had gone with you that night. I wish I stopped you. I wish we didn't have to part the way we did. You became the Yiling Patriarch and I was Hanguang-Jun.
Striding on a horse, emerging from the darkness around, even the rain couldn't stop my heart from thundering for what I felt for you. The moment was one. The moment was a second. The moment was precious.
"Lan Zhan" your voice was a whisper breath that was meant for my ears only. Your eyes held the emotions that were not seen by any. For that one precious moment, it was something only ! could feel. Maybe I was the only one who could truly feel.
How did this happen Wei? When did I start feeling emotions? Wasn't I the one who swore never to feel? Wasn't I the one who decided that my heart wasn't meant for this mortal world? Then when did this heart start beating? Was it when it met you? Was it when it dueled you? Was it when we spent those nights in Muaxi Mountain together? Or was it when I played Inquiry for you?
When did I fall in love with you?
"I knew there would come a time Lan Zhan" your coarse voice hurts my soul "when we would stand at the opposing ends" your smile is tearing me Wei.
"Wei Ying" I whisper your name as a plea from my heart to yours. The moment I take your name, those restrained tears flow from your eyes and all I wish to do is embrace you.
"Lan Zhan" the rain is unable to cover your sadness my dear Wei "If it's meant to be my end" you raise your Chenqing "then I am glad that you're the one to kill me".
My heart stops.
9
Kill you?
Can't you see Wei, it's precisely those words that are killing ME!!!
I would give up my soul before I
could even think of harming you.
"Lan Zhan" and time stops. My name on your lips are finality. There's no going back. Once you leave from here, there is no going back to just being you and me.
That one name on your lips and I realise, I could battle my clan but one person I can't and that's you.
Is this our end? Don't I even have a chance? Won't you even ask me if I could join you? Won't you even ask me if I care?
Cause Wei Ying, I do. So much. But you can't see, can you?
Time is bitter. The world is painful. In that dark night, One was black the other was white.
One was king, The other was a knight.
11
"Let us go Lan Zhan, please" the last plea was almost unheard "I don't want to fight with the only person who means something to me" at that, I loose my will to confront you. I don't have the heart to deviate you from your path. I remember our promise back in Gusu, where you promise to save the victims from injustice and clear conciousness and I promised to stand by your side.
That alone makes me give up. Watching you watch me, I take a step back. Your gaze pierces mine and in that one fleeting second, I live a moment of lifetime.
Regret. Empathy. Sadness. Love reflect behind those orbs of your and I forever drown in them. My life has come to a standstill, where without you, there is no meaning but, for others behind you, you are their savior.
As you gallop your way away from mine, you turn and my feelings flash before my eyes. Your imperceptible nod, the acknowledgement, the loss of fight in them.
I knew.
I knew we could never be together.
It hurts like hell, that I love you and yet I...
My hands shake and unable to withstand the pain within me, my umbrella falls like a lost hope and my knees meet the ground. Clutching my chest, I let out a silent wait. Tears drowned forever in the rain.
That night Hanguang-Jun was defeated. He gave up. His heart was overwhelmed and all he could do was cry. Cry like no other man would have cried. The one who stole his hear, was gone.
9
Soaked in rain, my feet found the cold boards of Jingshi. Nothing mattered. This heart was used to it. It was used to not feeling. Feelings were bad. Feelings were awful. They caused nothing but misery and pain.
But when every beating was for just one soul, it did not matter. Removing my robes, I let the cool air pierce my skin. All that matterd was him.
Mama, is this how you felt? Loving a man who could never be yours? Knowing never could you embrace him, is it supposed to be this painful?
That night as I lay, I dreamt. I dreamt of a raven hair, sprawled around my chest and my fingers entangled in his hair. Smell of Peonies and pure bliss surrounded us and I knew, our dreams were far precious than our reality.
Has this scene affected you as much as it did to me? Give me your views !!! and do tell me if you liked my poem.