We only want that someone special in our lives. Anyone else never really matters. Is it the same in each of our lives?! Every other situation will be lonely. We'll be lonely. Sometimes it's too strange how I shut myself up and leave the world behind and crawl back into mine like a ghost. Sometimes it's the safe place where I really feel like nothing in the world make me really happy. No one really cares and no one really remember me! What a universal feeling isn't it! Then my inner voices start to question me." What about the sunsets we watched together. What a feeling that nothing in the world is not always sinking deep down but gives a hope that what I'm doing is not wrong either. But For me, sunsets were never happy after all the things happened in my life. It remained me of a thousand things in my head and made me sad. But I couldn't help watching it. Sometimes I feel like when everything else around me is so still, that's the only moving part of this world. Even if it never really made me feel anything like a joy or pain, I wanted to go on every evening just wandering around and stare at the sun and the sky. Often I wonder thinking, what is there in those endless clouds to stare for! I would never find an answer. He could have given me a perfect answer though. But it was all in my head never made it reach up to his ears.
I miss him a lot as always. But it's too late now. I even lost all the hope to see him again. That one evening and a cup of coffee made my thoughts fell into this great dilemma. It's his birthday next week. But who am I supposed to wish… He left the place and my neighborhood without a word. What he left here? All the pain of a deep cut in my heart that would never heal. Sometimes I think, did he ever remember me? I promised him that I'd never leave him. It doesn't feel like he wanted the same. He loved to be alone. I know he was deeply wounded by his past. But I couldn't do anything. That helplessness is far more than this pain. I don't know how I'd spend the rest of my days with this heavy heart. It's so dark inside and outside. I don't even know, would I ever be any better