The last month at home was far better than the rest of them. The house was completely glowing with pride by the new arrivals and decorants. We had a little ceremony with the neighbors regarding the same. That was the last time I ever enjoyed peace.
The very next day, I was in a hurry to purchase some goods before leaving. We went to the city mall in the morning. I was totally out of my clear brain on that day for sure. All I did was panic even when I picked up everything what I wanted. Mom was always been light hearted but courageous. She didn't quite find the situations abnormal since I was acting cool and try to keep myself steady even when I felt like I was trapped in a black hole. I have never experienced such an abnormality ever in my lifetime. What caused the drowsiness? I don't even know! I was panicking and terrified. There was a terrible argument with one guy in a shop that made me so sick that I felt like I never wanted to come back to this place ever. But totally, that day was out of my hands.
I really wanted to leave soon as possible, not because of my eagerness or commitment towards my job or I loved to leave home. I couldn't handle myself in that place anymore. Truly, I'm a highly unstable person. I can't handle many changes. I get so bored easily. The harder I try to adjust, the easier everything slips out of my control. But somehow, it's about how you keep those moments without slipping away, without falling apart. As somebody said, power through your pain, it puts you in a position to win every day. And time? It slips away without even you realizing. That's why I always lived in a moment. We don't remember days, months or even years. We would only remember some moments, which made you feel something.
Those days were normal until I got back in Tokyo. The first few days of work were hard. I was dumped with lots of events and projects. Site visits were rare and we all spent most of the time with a computer screen and more meetings. By the end of first three days I was feeling the pressure too high. I even found myself lost with a state of hysteria. It became impossible for me to sleep without medical help. I was losing my sleep for the past few days than usual. I felt the urgency of medical help and got the appointment in the nearby hospital. The psychological department was almost empty as if there were no one with a mental health condition as worst as mine on that very day. I could clearly see the people gazing with such a strange concern in their eyes as I waddled to find a seat in front of the doctor's room. The sarcastic thoughts in my head were questioning me again as if I'm doing something wrong! And I could never find any answer for that. I was given with an anti-depressant tablet for two days. The way I got back to my apartment room has just a vague view in my head. I had to call somebody from my colleagues to get me a cabin. he seemed too generous to help me but I knew I was giving them a hard time causing trouble with mine. But there were no plan Bs or even anything in my messed up head. I went to sleep by having the pills on that night. I was feeling the dizziness as soon as I had it. I tried to read a book in order to not lose my mind. Within 2, 3 hours I was in deep sleep with some lo-fi music being played in the background. I watched the splendid view of the city lights get blurred and blurred in my opened window as the night fell deeper in the crowded city of lights.