Like we all dream about a future which is there but too far to see it all in a glance, I had a daydream about the same with similar characters as usual. That was one of the best one day trips with one of my niece to a Buddha temple. We began early in the morning at 5.30 am. It was spiritually divine but it was kind of a new beginning to my usual Thursdays.
It was sunny during time we were inside the temple. We spend more than 2 hours inside the temple with the usual rituals and prayers. We can wish upon anything to make it happen (such a belief) in the Buddhist culture. I couldn't think of anything other than the bills to be paid to both family and my future ones. But it was worth wishing for. Everything else depends on that one itself. It was nearly mid afternoon when we came out of the temple.
We had lunch from a nearby family restaurant. We got a taxi as soon as we came out. It was nearly a 1 hour journey back. The climate was changing in the speed of light as soon there were thunderstorms and flashes of rain hitting in the glass frames of the car. That's how temperature and humidity conditions changes in the Japanese days of living. The moment when I had real thoughts about a possible future was when I was inside the car, looking at the raindrops on the glass. It wasn't even merely a thought. It was such a constructed story based on my experience with 'love' of a single person by the last 23 years of living. I could imagine only one person, the one who left my life so miserably at this place as if he was married to me and we were living together for years. That's my thoughts about that one person.
I saw a life so beautiful on that day. A possible dream that saw in my head. We were actually the weirdest single people in that place. The neighbouers thought that we were dating for years since we knew each other from the very first day. There was such a time when it was impossible for unmarried people to get an apartment room since the population of people who migrate to Japan got rapidly increased? I was forced to invite another family to my apartment, in other words I was forced to live together with another man. I thought about just one person at that after hour for the same.
I had these thoughts from the back of my head that I might get married to that same person soon or later. It was so obvious in my mind that none of them mattered as heavy as before. But someday it's obvious that I should surrender. To my vivid imaginations I couldn't find someone else at that hour for a day window side thoughts. But everything that I thought was just as if it happened.
He couldn't tolerate me being a random girl who shares his bedroom in every awful night as if we are more than friends. Impossible as it seems. But that's the only reality of marriage with a stranger. But luckily for us, we weren't strangers. We are more than friends! We were never compatible as our signs indicate. I found another reason to believe it strongly each and every day of living with him. It became terribly impossible to adjust. We never talked to each other like we wanted to split the ways soon or later. Actually I couldn't find any reasonable reasons either for a reasonable court order if we ever wanted to call it off! But in the name of love I felt the need to keep it together till the forever everyone fantasizes over. But the thoughts in my brain started to tilt a little from teenage romance to family and parenting. I thing that's the reason why I never cared for love anymore. Somehow after that day, I started dreaming of raising family than finding something I think I wouldn't have found in a stranger. I could begin something unknown from there for an unfortunate future.