When she turned to walk away from me, I grabbed her arm and pulled her body to mine. I held her by the waist leaning my forehead against hers.
"Okay. Look, I can't be your friend. What I said was stupid. I want you, Amabel. I don't want to be just your friend. I need you here. I need to be able to see you. To touch you. To be able to breathe you in. I can't be just your friend," I said.
She sighed hard and touched my arm. "I have to go. I'll call you tomorrow. Okay?" she said softly. I took her face in my hands and looked into her eyes. How can I let her go? I don't want to. If she's my friend then she won't be able to sleep next to me anymore.
"I can't do it," I said and smashed my lips on hers. She needed me too. Her kiss told me that. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I picked her up with her legs wrapping around my waist. "No, wait. Trevor," she said and I put her down. "We're right back where we started. I don't want what happened last night to happen again. I hated it. Not being able to be with you. I hate it. But I also hate that I don't know what you want or where we stand with each other..." she said, took her bags and kissed my cheek.
"Good night, Trevor," she said.
"Amabel..." She was already gone. I'm only gonna break her heart.
Amabel's POV
Dinner was so much fun, until we got to talking. But we needed to talk. We both had things to say and to clarify. But talking only made things a bit more complicated.
Back at the apartment, Gwen and Ella were watching Friends, since Gwen and I finished it. "Hey, you're home," Gwen said, running to me for a hug. "I missed you," I said, hugging her back.
"How was dinner?" Ella asked. I sighed and walked to my room. I wanted to get out of my shoes and to put my bags down. When I turned around, both of them were standing in the doorway with their arms crossed over their chests.
"Come on, I'll tell you in the living room," I said and walked with them.
After I told them what happened, it looked like they wanted to pull out their hair one by one. "Friends? He wants you to be friends? What a jerk! Can't he make up his mind?" Gwen said. She was getting really annoyed and angry.
"I did not see this one coming," Ella said. I scoffed at the reminder that he wants to be my friend.
"He says that he wants to be my friend, but the way he kisses me says another thing. I don't know why he's so afraid to be in a relationship. I talked to him. Tried to make him jealous so that he can realize that he wants to be in a relationship, but nothing worked," I explained everything that happened.
I needed their advice, because I had no idea what to do further. What is my next move? How do I look at him again? What should I say to him again?
After a long talk with the girls, I went to my room. I took a quick shower and grabbed my laptop. Gotta start making these notes for Mr. Walker. I took out my iPad and my earphones. Listening to the recording of today's meeting with Trevor and his father, gave me a few ideas. I started writing them down as I typed the notes. Printing them is what Mr. Walker prefers. And I don't mind. Writing all these notes will take me days.
As I was typing I heard Trevor and his father talking about his company. I was really impressed with Trevor's success. Wait, they're talking about me?
And then... my heart broke...
"It's Amabel, isn't it?"
"How did you-"
"I know. I know that she's your girlfriend, Trevor."
"No, Father. She's not. She's not my girlfriend. I - urgg. I don't know how to explain it. She's everything I want, but I don't think she'll ever be my girlfriend. I really like her, but I don't know. I don't know if I really want this. If I really want her that way."
The tears were falling down my face. That's what he's afraid of. He's not sure that he wants me. I'm just a toy to him. He doesn't care about me. He's not even sure if he wants me.
"Careefull, Trevor. You'll only hurt her. She doesn't deserve that. If you're having doubts about her, then maybe you shouldn't be together. Because she wants to be with you. You need to tell her how you feel, because this - this is confusing both of you. And if you keep pushing her away and pulling her back, you'll lose her for good."
There's a knock on my door. "Yes?" I said and both of them came in. "Are you okay? We heard you crying," Gwen said and came in with Ella as they took a seat on my bed. Was I really crying that hard? Maybe the recording was too loud.
"What's wrong?" Gwen asked. I rewinded the part of the recording and played what Trevor said to his father for them.
"Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell? He's more complicated than a girl trying to find an outfit. Amabel, move on. I don't think this will ever go anywhere," Gwen said.
"I have to agree with Gwen. Bells, if he really wanted you, he wouldn't kiss you and then tell you to be friends. He's either playing with your feelings, or he's really fucked up," Ella said. Gwen and I looked at Ella with surprize. We never heard her say the f-word like that. Damn... But I guess men have that effect on a woman.
"He said that this afternoon after what you did for him last night? What the hell?" Gwen was so angry.
"I don't even know what to say," Ella said. And I could see it in her face.
After making all of my notes, I saw that it was after one in the morning. I had to get some sleep. I decided to sleep as the notes kept printing. My routine was to finish my work, sort out an outfit for the next day and then go to bed. So after quickly deciding to wear a cute dress, I got under the covers and held my pillows. They're nothing compared to holding Trevor, but for right now, they are good enough. Pillows won't hurt my feelings.
No matter how much I love him, that really hurts me.
I can't be with someone that can't make up his mind. Maybe Gwen is right. Maybe I should just move on.
How can I move on when my heart is not mine anymore?
I closed my eyes to stop my mind from talking further to me and then I felt myself slipping into sleep.
The next morning...