Third P.O.V
It took a moment for Adelaide to actually comprehend what she had mindlessly said.
Lights shine because darkness exists. It was something she had chosen to not realise. Something she had castaway from her mind. Something she ignored. Something so important that it totally changed her way of thinking. Sniffing she looked in Carson's direction.
"There's something I want to say." -saying so Adelaide caught Carson's attention.
"I'm all ears." -he replied in a calm voice accompanied by a smile, as he turned towards her so that they were now face-to-face.
Adelaide didn't need a lot of courage to tell Carson all that she wanted to say. All she needed was a push or rather an affirmation that she needn't have to keep this to herself alone, and she had gotten it in their own way. Determined to fill Carson in on everything she knew, she spoke.
"Papa... he... had no will to live. He never thought of recovering or fighting. He had accepted it from the very beginning. The day Papa was declared half-dead, his lawyer visited me with his will. He told me that Papa had started sorting his estate and everything he owned since the day he was intimated of his disease."
Carson couldn't really say or think anything. He knew about this. His mother had let him know that his Uncle Fedir had decided to accept his fate as it was given to him. He refused to fight it and change it. Knowing possibly most of what Addie was about say and predicting a part of it beforehand, he simply listened to her version of the story, or rather how she was told about it.
Adelaide on the other hand, having had accepted her situation she felt emotionless as she spoke. She wanted to move on by letting everything out of her system.
"I met with his doctor, his lawyer almost everyday for a month as they cleared everything for me. Slowly and carefully, without rushing anything they let me in on how he had come to be in this state. The doctors told me that Papa initially denied Chemotherapy for months until in his sixth month he finally started it. But, of course it wasn't enough, his cancer cells had grown far too much, and it had become far too risky to operate on. Even after knowing all of that, I couldn't give up on him. Who was I to? How could I? Papa is my everything. He's the reason I'm here. He's the reason I am who I am. He... he's my only family."
Every memory, every conversation Adelaide had with the lawyer and doctors had started coming back to her along with the pain of seeing her father laying still on the cold hospital bed.
Holding back her tears by clutching her arms strongly, she continued.
"I didn't want to let go off Papa until I found out it was what he wanted. Even though his intention was very clear, I couldn't acknowledge and accept it until one day I found his letter. It had been nearly three months since Papa was diagnosed as brain-dead. I thought of cleaning his belongings so that he could return to a sparkling room but instead I found something devastating. He had written me a letter which was never meant to have been found. Quite ironic ain't it?"
Adelaide didn't care whether or not Carson was actually listening to her. She just wanted to be able to speak about this on her own, using her voice. She looked up to face the sky and the stars that shone bright. Glancing at Carson from the corner of her eye she started again.
"In his letter addressed to me he wrote how much he wanted me to never know of his condition, and in case I ever did then he told me that no one is to be blamed for his state. He apologised for being selfish and not getting treated. H-he wrote about how much he missed mama and how much he wanted to be with her again. H-he said he r-regretted not being able to spend enough time with me, f-for sending me away when he shouldn't have, for keeping me in the dark when I should know about it the most. He lastly wrote that he loved me above all so much even though... even though..."
'I was never his daughter.' -Adelaide thoughts completed her sentence although only for herself. Just recalling that line which ended the tear stained letter, she couldn't keep her composure. It was getting harder to hold back her tears.
"Even though?" -Carson couldn't help but question her. The way she suddenly halted her speech was unpromising.
Wiping the tears that fell on her cheek Adelaide sniffed. "Sorry, I framed it wrong." She ended her sentence with a dry humourless and forced laugh. "He wrote he loved me so much that he thought it to be best if I never knew of his condition. Foolish right? I still don't understand his perspective on that."
Although Adelaide tried to change her line of thought she couldn't. She simply couldn't fight away her tears. Her throat swelled up as she found herself being unable to gulp the lump that had now formed there. She looked down, resting her head on her hands, facing the grass as her eyes were filled with tears that fell non-stop without a warning. She missed her father even more now. She couldn't fathom how her father tended to her with so much care and love when she wasn't even his own child; especially when her own parents had abandoned her.
"Maybe that's just parental love. Something we won't understand, especially not right now." - Carson spoke as he patted Adelaide's back.
"Hmm." -Adelaide replied as she sniffed. She had to stop crying. She wanted to change herself from today. She wanted to face her present and work on her future. She wanted to get over her darkness, her grief and her loss. "Do you think I can get over Papa?" she asked as she still continued to sniff and control her emotions.
"You don't need to. Just accept his love and store his presence in you're heart and everything will be fine. When you feel his absence, remember him and recall the time you spent with him. When you can't help but miss him beyond grief, then let you're feelings out. If you're scared of facing it on you're own or when it's too hard on you then just call me, I'll face it all with you, by you and for you."
Adelaide nodded in response to Carson as she continued to cry.
"Let's go. It's getting colder out here." -Carson spoke as he felt his own skin getting cold making it more obvious that Addie is definitely cold.
"Yeah... let's go." -Adelaide replied as she got on her feet along with Carson.
Carson had started walking in front of Adelaide in a way of guiding her on the unfamiliar path.
Adelaide took one last glance at the scenery before her as she wiped away her tears. "That's it. No more tears. I have to live this life that Papa has given me." Saying so to herself, Adelaide turned to see Carson who was now a few feet away from her.
"Carson!" -she shouted grasping his attention as he turned around to face her.
"I'm going to let my darkness shine! With papa!"
Seeing her smile earnestly after completing her sentence, Carson too smiled and replied- "and?"
"And of course Benjie." - she spoke as she wiped the very last tear that left her eyes.
"I'm sorry Papa, for being a bad and ungrateful daughter. I'm sorry for all the problems I created for you and above all I'm sorry I'm going to leave you behind from here on. Please continue to light my darkness Papa. I'll miss you a lot but... that can't be helped. I love you a lot, hope you are happy with mama in heaven."
"Don't blank out. Let's go. It going to be midnight soon." -Carson spoke as he took his jacket off the floor, dusted it and put it around Adelaide's shoulder before gently holding her arm and making her walk with him.
'We'll meet again Papa.' -Adelaide thought as she glanced behind her one last time before leaving with Carson.