"HAVING the deal that I gave up on wishing. The price that I needed to pay. The life that I dwell in remorse is the curse I brought unto myself, and now that very wish will both have to make and break everything I ever believe. Time will tell as our hearts will find each other. To this sacrifice, our destiny has its will."
The words that ring the terrible pain and cursed life that Rafael carves inside his pretentious life. The life that he curses and he forever regrets from the past, and the memories that ring the terrible pain of his unknown destiny.
"You will not leave me, right, Rafael?" dropping those painful words and almost a whisper, that gentle tone marks the vivid image of the only person he ever cares so much.
As hearing the voice that brought those lines, as he pictures that perfect moment, that hurtful event and the smile that he never had, that he never saw and that he could not recognize. In-depth with the name that he knows not. Hearing the words and the known name that he is, but not. The reason to believe, to see, and remember. Those memories from his unknown and will never be his past, crying from deep within his broken heart, gave the price that he as payment in exchange for the cursed life to call. Everything that revolves around that perfect, luxury and famous life he owns is the devil they all call.
"Remember this Rafael no matter what, you are the only one that can dictate your very fate. No one in this world can stop you from what you desire and could have you are a human being and my son."
From the past that continues to ring the unanswerable tone. To the glimpse of his own or someone else treasured memories from another puzzled quiz. Everything that brought him to those words and the glimpse of its reality, the reasons that scream to be the absolute one, from a begging tone to believe and the very reason from his rejected and hunting past, he took the risk, wishing for one thing.
"Can I go back to that place, mom, dad? On my 13th birthday, let us go back there, for I have a promise that I need to fulfill."
Taking the grief crying from deep within, in a never-ending sacrifice of his life, identity, and everything of whom he is, shattered in that instant. At that moment, in that same price, and from the memory that now he lost. The years that he falls asleep and alone, everything that he treasures then is all gone.
"Father, mother, Yuki!"
He wanted to howl the unbearable pain and curse the heavens for what his life turns out to be. To the memories that continue to ring the very same pain and longing. He took the first step running far away from everything that is pounding the painful beat inside his heart. Without looking back, confused and in agony, the truth that he is alone pushes him to think of nothing but end the pain.
"Don't you remember anything, Rafael?"
From the life of luxury with a golden spoon in his mouth by which he grew up and to the family he knew, love, care for, and treasures within an instant as they are all gone, he is left alone and lost.
"Rafael? Is that my name?"
The faint whisper of the question hit him as he first woke up, and the ungrateful destiny that brought him into that place and the cruel fate that writes his tragedy. The vivid flashes of his family's memory that came rushing into his empty mind feel like a dreadful nightmare he wanted and not to remember.
"Five years ago, a tragic mix-up of car accidents killed three of the influential and wealthiest members of the family of Altamira. In that scene, only a boy survived, the eldest son and the only heir. The young boy of age 13 together with a little girl who is into the same tragic scene. It was during your thirteenth birthday, as you are the only one lucky enough to stay alive, Rafael."
The truth that shaken his very existence, the days before he remembers his own family, the days where the glimpse of his incise memories came rushing in a long and un-continuous way. Walking up from a sleeping death for five years was the first and probably will be the last of the things that fate mend for him as he is suffering now from selective amnesia.
"If everything will fall out of the track, I hope that you will find sympathy towards us, as we are in a deep agony, to tell you that we are sorry."
The words that he holds and left from the person he respected and wanted to become someday. The father that never fails to always look after him, to its words and the memory of that day everything is a crying tone and with the still unclear whole puzzle f his life that is needed to fix.
"Do whatever it takes and bring back everything to its right track that it all should be, as no one can and will do it, but you, Rafael."
Somewhat asking forgiveness by which he could not understand and for what. The words that his mother left him that day are ringing a hurtful promise his vivid memory is struggling to put the right pieces to the grandest jigsaw puzzle inside his mind. A delightful giggle and familiar voice stream back unto his consciousness.
"I knew it! You are a guardian angel onii-chan, her guardian angel."
To his proud and loving younger sister, whose fantasy always makes him giggle, and the fainted memory that's creeping back, the family he once had, are all gone just as the time flies unto this time of his 18th birthday.
"Their time of death is 3:00 am on June 6."
"Ahh!" screaming the pain from his bleeding heart as he stands holding the rails and looking far away from the dark and cold river from way above. He looked up at the dark sky, leaving the icy rain to pin him like a needle a thousand times, making him numb by its coldness, closing his eyes, a memory came back.
"What do you want to receive for your 13th birthday, onii-chan?"
The question that he regrets answering, the words that he should ignore then, and the last thing he ever heard from the smiles and innocence of his only sister.
"I want to go back. Let us go back to that place, mom and dad."
He should not ask or even want that thing, as he should not tell them to go back and grant his selfish wish, for if he did not wish for it, if everything is not in that time, and place they are all are still with him.
"I want to fulfill my promise."
What if he did not keep such a promise. The promise that from his vague memory, he still could not remember what? If he did not remember ever going back, maybe or definitely, they are all alive, they are still here, and he will not be alone and crying. For having this many bruises, with this unbearable pain, longing, and regret of losing everything. All he could ever hold and do is to take the consequences he believes everything is.
"Promise me and only this, stay alive, and no matter what, do not trust anybody but yourself."
To that last wish, from the promise that he forever holds and everything that happened leaving him all behind and alone, will he strive to fulfill such? Can his heart bear the words that are the very reason for him to lose everything? Can he still fulfill that promise?
"I promise, dad."
The words, the question, and the promise that he is taking the second thoughts to fulfill. From the unbearable pain and longing of his lonely life.
"Take care, Rafael."
No one left to call, but a dead present and longing past his life are turning into a broken bit of a ripped paper. Looking down from the deep and cloudy waters of the river as the rain pours hard to that dark and angry sky of that stormy night. He took a step as he climbs up and way higher than he ever did, looking at the dark and angry sky that pours the heaviest rain onto his face and his entire life. Holding the necklace that sparks to end, the promise, the deal, and the person that starts and wrote the contract is ringing its satisfied gaze from afar.
"Is that all, Guardian Angel, Rafael?"
Played by heart and cursed by destiny, as he steps unto the highest rail looking down to the dark waters of his waiting death. He closes his eyes as he gives up on everything, he slowly let go, falling deep and touching the coldest water as his graveyard.
"'I will be back, I promise."
MIYU