What was the word for this feeling? Was it numb? There was some kind of distance from me and this reality- almost as I wasn't really here. Nothing seemed to matter to me, and everything was void. But 'numb' didn't completely describe it. I was over aware too.
It was like someone turned some things off and set other things on high. I could almost feel everyone around me without them touching me. They would move, and the air would in turn move around them and make its way to me.
I tried to focus on something else. The blood, maybe? Anything would work as long as I could just stop thinking.
He touched me, but not at first. His hands reached out as he moved closer to me, and I jumped up from my seat and moved away from me. Mr. Caverly smiled at me and assured that he wouldn't harm me, but I didn't care. I just didn't want him to touch me.
I backed up slowly at first, testing to see if he would follow. He did, and moved back faster, almost running, straight into a glass plain. My weight fell back against it, and it shattered down into the floor, bring me down with it. The shock only blocked out the pain for a few minutes before I began to feel it everywhere. It stung wherever the glass went it, and I started bleeding heavily.
Mr. Caverly rushed over to me quickly, ignoring my begging to not come near me. Grabbing a hold on my wrist, he began trying to pull out glass while yelling at my mother to class nine-one-one. I tried to get loose of his grasp, screaming for him not to touch me, but he held me firmly and I couldn't escape.
I began to feel nauseous as his fingers traced my skin. It felt disgusting and horrifying. "Please let me go..." I cried to him. It was almost like I could feel it happening again. The nauseous feeling started to get worse, and I got sick in the floor. Mr. Caverly grumbled and called for nurses to come.
I panicked as they surrounded me, and screamed for them to get away. They ignored me, and a few seconds later, I felt a needle go into my skin.
My body fell limp, and I lay down completely in the floor. Free to touch me now, Mr. Caverly let go of my wrist and started to work on the rest of me. I felt sick and desperate. Why wouldn't they leave me alone? Shutting my eyes, I tried to block out everything, and soon, I passed out.
"Is it dead?" someone's voice asked. I knew the voice, but I didn't know the name that went with it. Even if someone told me his name, I would forget it quickly.
"I guess so," another one answered. "What should we do with it? Just leave it here?"
"We can't bring it with us," said the first voice, and I heard shifting around me. Maybe they were leaving?
Unwillingly, however, a cough irrupted from my throat. My ribs ached as the cough bounced in my lungs, and warm liquid fell over my lips.
Someone laughed. "Looks like it's not dead, but almost there. Should we try to take him back?"
"We would be in trouble if we didn't," the other answered, less enthusiastically. "It'll be a pain to get it back up to good heath but we could get one more use out of it. Pick it up, will you?"
I heard the other one sigh as he started walking towards me. "Why does it always have to be me that does this?" he grumbled to himself, and soon I felt two arms slide under me, and I was lifted over his shoulder.
Moaning in pain was the best thing I could do for a scream as my chest was crushed against his shoulder. Every step he made with me was painful, and I begged internally for it to be over soon. They said I was close to being dead, so maybe that was soon.
"Kace!" I heard someone yell for me from down the hallway, and Arian came running to me from behind. When he came into view much closer than I expected, I flinched back. I regretted it the moment Arian realized it.
"Are you okay?" he asked me, sincerely worried.
"No, I'm sorry. I just thought you were-" I started to say, but quickly caught myself.
"Thought I was going to touch you?" Arian guessed, and I avoided eye contact, ashamed. Why did I have to be afraid of my own friend? "It's okay, you're just a little jumpier than normal, that's all. Want to go to class?" he offered, and I gladly went with him.
I stuck closer to the wall than usual. For some reason, the fear of someone bumping into me had gotten worse. My heart was beating like crazy and I felt anxious. Why couldn't I just sink into the floor and disappear?
Thankfully, Arian ignored what I was doing, and began talking to me. I didn't really listen, but I knew Arian already understood that. He was just pretending for me, and I was grateful for it.
But just when I was starting to feel better, I was stopped. Near the door to the classroom, I could see Nix and a girl I never seen before making out. "Who is that?" I asked Arian, and he stopped talking and turned to see I wasn't walking with him.
He looked to see who I was looking at, and thought for a moment. "Uh, I think that's Ceria. I guess they're going out now. Maybe it'll last longer than his other ones."
"This happens a lot?" I asked, surprised. I had never seen Nix with a girl. Does this really happen?
"Yeah, quite a lot actually. You didn't know? A lot of people spread rumors about who he sleeps with," Arian told me.
A weird feeling started to settle in my stomach. Why did I feel betrayed? Was it because I was worried he wouldn't have time to talk to me anymore?
I held myself nervously, not knowing what to do. To get closer to them would make it seem really, and I was nauseous just watching from here. "Are you sure you're okay?" Arian asked me after a moment, but I didn't answer. All I could do was just stare.
Suddenly, someone rushed past us and down the hall towards Nix. I didn't know who he was, but as he passed by, Arian tensed up. Everyone in the hallway stopped and looked too as he started getting closer. "What's going on?" I asked Arian, but he didn't get a chance to reply before the guy started yelling at Nix.
"So I guess you'll just sleep with anyone, huh?" the guy yelled at him, and Nix finally looked away from Ceria.
"What the fuck did you just say?" Nix said, his voice low, but full of rising anger.
"You heard me," the guy answered, stepping closer. The girl, Ceria, moved out of the way. "So how many of my exes have you slept with this week? Three? Five?"
As he spoke, I could see Nix's face harden. He was angry- no, more than angry, and I knew what he was about to do. Just as he began to clench his hand into a fist, I dropped my backpack and ran over to him. "Nix, stop!" yelled as he started to step closer to the guy.
He took another step towards him and rose up his arm, unable to hear me through his anger. Close enough now, I stood in between them and tried to push Nix back, but I was too weak to move him. "Please, Nix! Don't start a fight, you'll get suspended!"
Nix looked down at me with an expression that I really couldn't read. He looked surprised, almost shell-shocked, but why? Wasn't he listening to me? "Nix, please," I begged him. "Please don't do this. Are you listening to me?"
But Nix didn't answer me. He just stared at me as if I wasn't saying anything at all. Then, suddenly, he reach and over and grabbed my wrists. "You're touching me," he said quietly, almost in a whisper, and I looked down. I was touching him… but I don't remember doing it. Why aren't I getting that feeling…? What's going on with me?
Nix opened his mouth to say something but a loud voice interrupted. "Hey! What's going on?!" a teacher said, marching towards us. The teacher then grabbed Nix by the arm and shoved him away from me, his expression full of anger. "Nixion, you again? I should have known. You're coming with me, now," he said to Nix, but Nix was still unresponsive. Frustrated, the teacher began to push him down the hallway. "For the rest of you get to class!" he yelled back at us.
The others that were standing in the hallway ready to see the fight, quickly started to walk back to class. I stayed were I was, completely lost, and completely alone.