When I got to school, Nix wasn't there. In my first period, the seat in front of me was empty. At lunch, he wasn't anywhere to be seen. My mind instantly went to darker thoughts. Is he ashamed of me? Does he regret what happened? I felt pained, but I wasn't for sure why. Why do I care, anyways?
Thinking that if I talked with other people I would forget, I stuck closely to Arian and his friends. Somehow, however, he only seemed to make it worse. "What happened yesterday?" he asked for the fourth time as we sat down at our lunch table. "I saw Nix take you somewhere… Did he beat you up? If he hurt you we should go tell the principal because you can't-"
"No," I interrupted. "Nix is my friend, and he isn't like that anyways."
Arian stared at me, wide eyed, and the others looked horrified as well. "What?" Emily said in a loud whispered tone. "You're friends with Nixion?"
I shrugged, not understanding why it was such a big deal. "Yes? He's actually really nice if you get to know him."
"I'm sorry, but Nix doesn't do nice," Emily answered back. Why was it so hard to believe that Nix wasn't that bad? I didn't understand why everyone thought of him like this. "Haven't you heard about him? He's been in more fights than anyone in the whole school."
"Yeah, but did he start it?" I countered, thinking about when I stopped him in the hallway from fighting. He was angry, but only because that guy accused him of sleeping around.
"That's not the point!" Emily countered back. "Plus, even if you ignored the fighting, Nix has done a lot worse. He's failing almost every class and he never shows up. He's always breaking rules to by smoking and-"
"I would too, that is, if everyone expected the worse from me. I only do well in school because my parents and friends care if I make it," I told her. "If they didn't care, neither would I."
Emily frowned. "Well you don't sleep around with anything that moves. There's barely any girl here that he hasn't slept with."
My chest tightened at the thought. "You don't know, that could all just be rumors," I said, hoping that my words were true, but this wasn't the first time I heard of this. What was I to Nix? Last night I almost became one of those many people.
"Whatever," Emily said angrily and stormed off with her tray to the other end of the cafeteria. I looked at the others, panicked, but Eric avoided eye contact instantly and Arian just shrugged. Did I really make her that angry? Guilt washed over me, and I stood up to go after, but what I saw when I turned made me freeze in place.
Nix was there now at his usual table. He was laughing with his friends as if he had been there the whole day, and to his right a girl sat next to him, hanging on to his arm. It was the girl he was making out with yesterday.
Now it was my turn to be angry, and I followed Emily's exampled by storming out- but in the opposite direction. "Wait, Kace!" I heard Arian call after me, but I ignored him.
I walked as quickly as I could up to the second floor and then up to the roof entrance. It was empty like I knew it would be, because any one that would even dare to come up here were downstairs. The sun outside was blinding so I leaned against the building wall, trying to gather my thoughts. How could I be so stupid? Didn't I learn my lesson already? Why did I even let this happened?
My anger soon melted away into pain, and I slide my back down the wall until I was sitting, my face in my hand. I must be the biggest idiot in the world. The sweet talk, the safe feeling, didn't I have those with that with Tyler too? But for reason, I thought this would be different. I never loved Tyler.
I heard the creak of the door opening, but I didn't look up to see who it was. I kept my head down, and hide my shamed, but the person just sat down next to me. "Hey," I heard Nix's voice say to me, but I didn't respond.
"I'm guessing you're mad at me? Arian said you looked upset," Nix continued after I didn't say anything. No, I'm upset at me.
"Where were you?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper. Was I about to cry? I couldn't tell anymore.
Nix sighed. "I had to drive my mom somewhere. Look, I'm sorry, I'll text you next time."
This time I looked up at him, and found his expression unreadable. "What is this?"
Now he looked confused. "What is what?"
"This," I answered. "Us. Anything of this. Last night, the kissing, what you said. What does it mean? Am I just some hook up for you?"
Nix's eyes widen in surprised just before he started to laugh. His laugh was small out first, but it then it start to grow louder and louder until he was holding his stomach. As his laugh did, so did my anger. "Is this funny?" I asked, my emotions clear in my tone.
"I'm sorry, I just-" he tried to say while laughing, and he struggled to get himself to calm down. "I'm sorry, I just thought you knew. Kace, I like you."
This time, it was my turn to be shocked, but Nix still continued to explain. "Do you think I would get this serious with a guy if I didn't like you? If you didn't notice, I'm straight."
"But what about that girl?" I asked, bewildered.
Nix laughed again. "She's nothing to me, I promise. If you like, I'll stay away from her."
Stupidness ran over me again, but this time my face was burning. Was he telling the truth? "But… Why me? I mean, yesterday… I don't know if I could even make it that far again."
"So what?" Nix answered. "I don't need that from you. Yeah, I do want it, but only because I like you. And I defiantly don't want it if you're not ready."
I bit my lip, not sure what to think. Nix told me one thing, while everyone told me something else. Who do I believe? How do I decide who to trust?
"Just let me ask you this," Nix said his voice more seriously. "Do you even like me back?"
This time, there was no hesitation. I didn't need to think about it, or check with myself before I said it. The truth just came out willing, without me having to register it. "Yes," I said, Nix smiled even more.