Love.
A thing that I wasn't aware of nor interested in.
But the moment I felt a deep scar creeping in my chest, I knew.
'Ah... that was it. This was love.'
The pain made me realize how deep my feelings for you had become. It was a hard blow. I was too overwhelmed. It was new to me. The kind of love that you gave was new, and it felt too much.
Too good to be true.
I was soo scared of what the outcome might be. Would this be a happy ending? No. That was it, it was easy to know the answer. I wouldn't deny or make excuses just to make myself feel at ease.
Anton, I know that you're asking the heavens why I left. I know that you're asking why did I leave you without any words or explanations.
This is the answer.
I was mesmerized by your love.
After 5 years...
I removed the coat that I was wearing and looked at my bodyguards. "When will my brother arrive? He didn't even drive me to the airport," I complained at Archer, his assistant. "Please remind him that he still has a sister to take care of."
Archer chuckled and showed me the iPad he's holding. "This is your brother's schedule for the whole month, it's better if you wouldn't mess around so that he would have a lot of time to spend with you," he advised. "You're not a teenager anymore, young miss. Please let your poor brother enjoy his life and find himself a wife."
I looked at him with piercing eyes. How dare he blabber at me? Does he think we're close now?
"I'll only stay here for a month, my friends in France are expecting to see me on the fashion week," I said coldly before entering the car.
The sound of my new Aston Martin made me want to drive at full speed. I heavily sighed when I saw the heavy traffic.
"Damn it, there isn't even a slight change in this country," I shook my head in disappointment.
Halos lumabas ang kaluluwa ko nang may biglang mahulog na tao sa harap ng sasakyan ko. I couldn't even scream in shock. My body froze in fear. Did I just... kill someone?!
"Lord God!" I screamed when someone suddenly opened my car. Muntik pa akong mahulog!
"Miss, are you okay?" a worried voice asked.
We both pause and stared at each other. I smell a familiar scent that dominated my car.
Anton.
I tightened my grip on the steering wheel and gathered the strength to speak.
"Is he d-dead?" I asked in fear, pertaining to the man who fell on my car. Hindi siya agad sumagot kaya mas lalo akong natakot. Oh my gosh, ayokong makulong! "E-excuse me?" I called again.
Mukhang doon pa lang siya natauhan at noon pa lang nilingon ang lalaking nahulog. "I think he's fine, still breathing," his tone changed. "Chester, you dead?" he ran towards the man who's lying on the ground.
Gawa ng takot ay dahandahan akong lumabas ng sasakyan. When I looked at the man who fell, tears started falling from my eyes. There's a lot of blood coming out of his head!
With a shaking hand, I immediately dialed 911.
"There's a man t-that fell from the building and hit my car, I-I think he's unconscious, please help us!" I said to the operator.
Anton immediately ran and get the phone from me. "Hello? No, I'm sorry, we're just shooting a film. Yes, I'm sorry," he said and ended the call.
Sa sobrang gulat ko pa rin sa pangyayari ay hindi ko na napansin na nasa highway kami. I almost got hit by a motorcycle kung hindi niya lang ako mabilis na nahila.
"Are you okay? Did you get hurt?" his cold expression from a while ago changed again. Salubong na naman ang kilay niya habang tinitingnan kung nasaktan ba ako.
I didn't answer. I was amazed by how he evidently show his expressions that I couldn't help but stare at him.
Natauhan ako nang bigla niyang tawagin ang pangalan ko.
"Aya, are you okay?" he worriedly repeated.
A faint smile crossed my lips as I nod.
Ilang saglit pa ay muling bumalik sa reyalidad ang huwisyo ko. My mouth opened in shock after seeing the man stood up straight and smiled at everyone, he even waved his hands! Doon ko napagtanto ang ilan sa mga cameraman at staff na nakatayo 'di kalayuan sa amin.
"What the hell..." mabagal kong sabi at iritadong nag-angat ng tingin kay Anton. "What just happened?" I asked him. Pinahid ko ang natuyong luha sa pisngi.
"Kuya Rick, can you settle this?" he called a staff over and pointed me. Agad namang lumapit ang staff sa amin. He gave me a cold glance before leaving.
I couldn't help but feel annoyed! What was that?! Is he sick? Like multiple personality or something? How can he change his expressions that fast? Parang kanina lang ay nag-aalala siya kung nasaktan ba ako ah!
"Ma'am, sorry po talaga. We can pay you for the damages, magkamukha po kasi yung sasakyan niyo sa dala ng isang actor namin. Pasensya na po talaga," paghingi ng dispensa ng staff at natatarantang nilingon ang papalayong si Anton.
Inis akong humarap sa staff na lumapit sa akin at mariin siyang tiningnan. "You're gonna hear from my lawyer."
Inis kong hinagis ang hawak na cellphone pagkabalik sa sasakyan. I did what my psychologist said to help me calm myself before driving away.
"Miss Aya, are you okay?!" Archer immediately came to me when I arrived at the house.
"Call my brother and tell him that I will go back to New York. Right now."
Natigilan ako sa paglalakad nang makita ang sarili sa salamin. I'm a mess.
Biglang bumalik sa alaala ko ang imahe ng dating Aya. Noong mga panahon na pinili kong umalis. I... I look the same. Kumuyom ang kamay ko at saglit na nilingon si Archer na nakasunod sa akin.
"Call my brother," I repeated weakly and closed the door of my room.
My eyes started tearing up again when I realized what just happened. I met him.
I met the love that I chose to abandon a long time ago.
I admit that I still felt butterflies after I saw him a while ago but the shock and annoyance distracted me. I was then again, at lost by my feelings, by my emotions. I just couldn't control it.
It's frustrating. Seeing him made me feel so frustrated that I wanna strangle myself.
Why do I feel that way? Why am I annoyed that he showed coldness? Why do I crave his attention when I was the one who chose to leave him? Where do I get this fucking audacity?
I hate myself for feeling this. These thoughts... It makes me feel like...
I am still in love.
And I'm afraid that the love didn't vanish. The thought scares me so much that I found myself wanting to run away again.
Loving Anton is like solving a new puzzle. Something that I enjoy yet I am scared to solve because the edges might not fit.
I am always afraid because I know that my love for him was too much. It was overflowing to the point that I am scared to do wrong and to be hurt. It would wreck me and I wouldn't be sane. So, I left first, before he could even do it. Before I lose myself.
I am afraid that the puzzle piece wasn't really meant to build something.
An unfamiliar number showed on my phone. I have no energy to answer it so I just let it ring until it ends. Sinundan iyon ng isang text message.
I just found myself rushing to the bathroom door after reading a name. A very familiar name that made me hear my fast heartbeat.
Atty. Anton Servadanes II.
And that's how a puzzle piece has moved without me even realizing it.