As a child, I spent my days digging at our cell wall with a metal spoon. I'd found it between two planks on the floor, no doubt dropped during mealtime and shoved into the ground by constant trampling. I'm not sure what I planned to do if I broke through, since the crest prevented me from leaving the premises, but I carved at the mortar every spare minute I had, fantasies of taking revenge bubbling in my mind all the while. By the time I ground the spoon to a stub, I'd chiseled away about one brick's length. I could stick my index finger in up to the second knuckle, and it'd scrape against the rough stone when I pulled it out.
Namikawa was, in contrast, level, and ultimately, she was the one who set us free.
It's one of my clearest memories. I returned to our cell exhausted after Mesmer sent me out to fight. Dirt and dried blood caked a number of cuts and bruises, though most of the blood wasn't mine.
"Wanna talk?"
"No. I survived, that's all that matters."
I quietly tended to my wounds. Namikawa assisted. She wiped some grime off my left side and flinched when it revealed a massive burn.
"You okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, it's just-" She shut her eyes and breathed out. "Let me take a look at your seal."
Once we cleaned and dressed the wounds as best we could, she rerouted the magic cuffs, neutralizing them without setting off alarms. She traced the seal while I kept watch for guards. I shivered and sweat as waves of heat and cold washed over me, echoing from the dim purple epicenter.
She cursed and leaned in, her brows knit together as she muttered to herself.
"No, that's not right. It's like last time. If only I could grasp the core…" Her eyes narrowed. "Kazunari."
"Mn?"
"Think of escape. No, think of vengeance. The more passion the better."
Didn't need to hear that twice. I imagined the day that I would track down Sting, how I'd teach him the fear of being hunted. I dreamed of the opportunity to inflict on Mesmer the pain she did me, tenfold, how I'd burn the terror of powerlessness into her last seconds of life. I'd channel everything I felt in my days of bondage into my revenge. I'd do to them what they did to me.
Namikawa grinned. I winced at the burning that radiated from where she touched me.
Suddenly, a searing heat bloomed from my chest, washing over my entire body. It was an almost euphoric sensation, and I felt breatheless afterwards.
The crest turned black. She looked immensely satisfied with herself.
"Congratulations, you're free."
...
Riding the wave of our first victory, I spent the following months systematically clearing catcher outposts. I fell into an easy rhythm with my comrades. Scouts and spies fed us information, I consulted the strategists for plans, fighters were split into teams by task, field commanders coordinated everyone through a mental link, and I executed the enemy leader in all the chaos. Or, if the situation called for it, I would open the attack and draw the fire.
I savored the opportunity. I was the best at deciding how to command myself, so I was simply given a task to complete. How I carried it out was up to me.
Once, on a raid, as I pulled my knife out of a catcher's chest and felt his blood splash onto my hand, I realized how well suited my ability was for me. It promised me life, another chance at getting what I wanted, so long as I had the will to find a way out. And having been denied agency for so long, I had willpower to spare. It may seem counterintuitive, trying to get killed so I could avoid a serious injury, but I'd grown used to putting myself in danger. My collarbone had long since healed, and any subsequent injuries amounted to little more than scrapes and bruises.
I glanced up at the signpost on the door. It read "Zalesk," the dead bastard's name. I struck it out, leaving a bloodied gash through it. I began to smile as I wiped the blood off my knife. All conditions had been cleared, he was the last prerequisite, and now I could properly revel in pursuing my next target. I had no doubt he'd heard of these raids of mine, but that's why I held them first, so he'd feel the suffocation as I closed in on him.
I'd saved Sting for last.
...
I took a small group back to the first outpost. It'd become a home base of sorts. The others gathered supplies while I checked in on the hospital.
"Have you seen Namikawa?"
"Who?"
A newbie? Guess I'm not surprised. Our victories made recruitment easy, and each time I visited there were more faces I didn't recognize.
After a brief description, he sent me a short walk east of the outpost. I heard giggling from up the hill. Namikawa was clearly in a good mood. She dressed sharp. I hadn't seen her in anything aside from armor or a cloak in a long time. She was with a woman about our age with freckles and curly auburn hair braided into a crown, who looked flustered to be seen. Nishimori I presume.
"Here to interrupt our date?" Namikawa asked.
"Something like that."
"Unsealing?"
"Yeah. New formula, the other mages can't solve it."
"Got it." She sighed and kissed Nishimori on the cheek. "I'll make it up to you later."
"Don't worry about it, take care of yourself."
.
On the way to the other base, I asked why she didn't join the raids. I had a vague idea, but she never answered me straight when I asked.
"You're a lot stronger than me, and your understanding of magic surpasses that of people twice your age. It just seems like a waste."
"I can teach you magic. We have the resources now." She doodled something onto a sheet of magic paper.
"That's not the point. Why aren't you fighting?"
"I've had enough combat for a lifetime." She said, laying flat in the back of the wagon and dangling her catalyst from her wrist. A silver amulet with an inset red gem, it magnified her abilities, like a blade to a warrior. "I just want a peaceful life with Nishimori. She feels a sense of obligation to help while she's here, so I'll stay too. We visit towns every once in a while, and eventually, we'll pick one to move to. Simple."
"Even with Mesmer and her ilk still out there? Don't you think that's shortsighted?"
She sat up. "What, to enjoy things?"
"With everything going on?"
"Even more reason to do so. Things could end at any time." Before I could respond, she said. "Kazunari, I feel like you don't value your life enough."
I felt a twinge. Maybe my ability had warped my perspective.
"I'm fighting because I want to."
"That's not what I mean. When was the last time you relaxed or had fun? Why live or be free if you don't even take time for yourself?"
I sighed. "I can't relax as long as Mesmer's breathing."
"You're not trying. It'll take a conscious effort."
"An effort to relax?"
"Yes. Just make time to unwind every so often, okay?
"...I'll try."
…
A few days later, while I was looking over some plans for taking down Sting, that sheet fell out of my pocket.
Magic paper looks like any other paper, but if you hold a sheet that's "empty," you get this strange feeling like blood is being pulled to where you're touching it. If the sheet is "full," then it glows with whatever spell is in it. Apparently mages can distinguish at a glance, but I wasn't a true mage then.
There's two ways of learning elemental magic. The first is, of course, to study the theory and understand it. I never had a mind for magic theory, and I still don't. That left the other option, eating every spell I wanted to use.
I… figured a short break wouldn't hurt. How long could it take anyway?
Namikawa had written something in mana shapes that had no lexical meaning to me, but I instinctively understood that they governed heat. I turned the paper over. It read "Get Water." Maybe I was wrong?
Tentatively, I ate the spell. The paper melted on my tongue, and I suddenly gained an understanding of heat emission and distribution, how to track it through physical sensation alone. It opened an entire dimension in my mind that I had no access to before, containing the basic ideas behind commanding fire. While I couldn't put them into words, I could understand the root of heat, maybe not how to manifest it, but how to detect it and the patterns it operated on. With some time and effort, and paper, I'm sure I could approach Namikawa's mastery.
And then the capsaicin kicked in.
...
"I can't believe you."
"I can't believe you. I left a warning and everything."
It was a cold morning. The air felt wet, and there was enough mist in the air that I couldn't see very far. Namikawa accompanied me, and I exercised my newfound heat detection as we walked.
"I was miserable for hours…"
"Wish I could've seen it."
"Screw you."
Namikawa snickered again. "Did you know? When you infuse magic paper with an elemental formula, it takes on a unique taste. Flavors are broadly similar per element, but each spell is slightly different. Like using the same ingredients with a different cooking method."
"Incredible." I said straight faced.
"It is incredible."
"Is all magic like that?"
"More or less. Most children can handle that level of spice though."
"You-"
We bickered all the way to the war tent.