I spent most of my time in the hospital staring outside and contemplating what to do. Sometimes, I'd absentmindedly thumb over the two names, now crossed off, on the blunt side of my knife. Namikawa and Nishimori visited me frequently, though more often than not I was the one third-wheeling them.
"Like here, Kazunari had a muscle laceration." Nishimori explained, moreso to Namikawa than me. "You have a few options, but what I did was first assist the immune system to prevent infection, stitch the muscles together to form a foundation, mimic the nervous signal to trigger regeneration, then let the body heal on its own."
"Mmm, but that takes time. Are there techniques for rapid regeneration?"
Nishimori hesitated. "Yes, but it'd strain the body severely. I don't use it as a doctor unless the patient would die otherwise."
"Mn, makes sense. Would the idea be to command each proprietor cell to divide, specialize into muscle, then join at the injured site?"
"Yeah." She gestured at a cut on my body, and I felt the spot stir. "This is how you cycle the blood. The idea is to get more of it to the injury site."
"Wouldn't that make it bleed more?" I asked.
"Focus on the platelets, that's what your body uses to clot wounds. But if you can't pick them out very well, you can also restrict blood flow to the area. That's what most fighters do, but it's only a temporary solution."
Namikawa sat down and laughed to herself. "So all magic really is the same, think hard, things move. At least the individual puzzles are fun to crack."
"Sayu, magic is not just 'thinking real hard" until things move."
"Why not? It's the same as hammering a nail. I mean, knowing how to position the nail and angle it helps, but in the end to make it do what you want you just hit the nail."
"Helps? It's the most important part! Picking the right nail, choosing the right material, placing it right, allocating the right strength, swinging at the right velocity-"
"Just hit the nail. Eventually the tile will stick to the roof. It's fine."
"Sayu."
"What?"
"I'll take charge of home maintenance."
She snickered. "Why?"
"Because! You-"
"Have either of you used a hammer?" I asked.
Both, "No."
After a pause, they giggled. Nishimori bopped Namikawa on the head.
"Fine, fine." Namikawa relented. "Studying magic is collecting all the tools and familiarizing yourself with them, but using magic is just swinging the hammer. Therefore, thinking harder."
Nishimori sighed and leaned against her. "But is the root of magic understanding or application?"
"Well when you say root, it'd be understanding, but I'd say the core of magic is usage. We scholars codify magic to justify what we already know is possible, but if you have an intuitive feel for the rules, you don't need a lexical understanding to use it."
"Isn't that just another form of understanding?"
"In a sense. But is a mage someone who understands magic, or someone who can use it?"
.
I have a good memory? Well, it went over my head then, but I understand it now.
.
Once I was released, Namikawa roped me into doing half the kitchen work she promised her girlfriend. As for why she agreed to do so much work, well...
"She said she'd make this dish for the feast. A delectable, lucious, simply ambrosian fried breaded fish I had when we visited her parents a few months back. It's so… oh, where to begin? I knew from the moment she took it out of the oil that it'd be divine. The aroma was just so, so good and fragrant. Then I bit into it-"
I slid the sliced radishes in with the carrots and started on the parsnips. "Namikawa, your squash. That chunk is three times bigger than the first."
"It's all the same to our stomach. Now shush and listen to me brag about my girlfriend." She took a deep breath for dramatic effect. "Oh, the breading was so crisp yet cloud-like! The fish meat, so rich and soft. And there were two, two, sauces to choose from. One was this sweet, orange one made of ginger and some other spices, the other was this more savory soy sauce based one. Succulent, delicious, all of it. I'm so lucky to have an epicurean girlfriend!"
"Congratulations."
"I can't wait to have it again." She sighed.
The door creaked open and Nishimori walked in with a big pot. "Sayu? How are things?"
"Hitomi! I was telling Kazunari about your fish."
She laughed. "Still on that? My parents would be happy to hear you liked it so much."
"I miss your parents."
"My parents, or their library?" She teased.
"Both."
Nishimori smiled. "I want to meet your parents too. Your dad's attending right?"
Namikawa nodded. "Though, he's not a culinary god the way everyone in your family is."
Nishimori set the pot on a stove and pinched Namikawa's cheek. "Alright alright, enough flattery. How's the food prep?"
"Great!"
"Oh? Let me see." Nishimori glanced down at Namikawa's cutting board, then briefly at mine.
"Sayu, keep an eye on the soup and let me know when it boils."
"Yes ma'am."
…
On one of my Nishimori-prescribed walks, I tried to recreate the feeling of the body magic she demonstrated on me, purposefully cycling the blood as I moved. It felt like it increased my endurance, somehow.
I passed the graveyard, a secluded area shaded by willows near the river. Namikawa was there, standing in front of the grave of the old man.
"Hey."
"Hey." She responded.
I hadn't visited this place in a long time. Having a sharp seismic sense here was… unsettling.
"I've always wondered, why do we put graves by the river?"
"It's a superstition. The idea is the water carries their souls to the afterlife." She shrugged. "Seems like a health hazard."
"Isn't this downriver of where we are?"
"Oh... you're right."
Silence.
"Do you come here often?"
"Whenever I'm feeling sentimental." She crouched and ran a hand over the engraved name. "So what do you plan to do now that Mesmer's dead?"
"Mn, continue what I've been doing?"
"Why?" It wasn't that she couldn't guess the reasons, but she wanted to hear me verbalize them.
"It's easy for me to keep doing what I've been doing. It's hard work for sure, but… I guess I feel a strong sense of purpose?"
"Still?" While said semi monotone, she seemed a bit surprised.
"Yeah. Mesmer's gone, but there's more like her out there.The drive is more general now, less personal. I mean, it's pretty easy to see us as the good side."
"Do you ever feel discouraged?"
"By what?"
"Like you said, there's more wardens after her. Then there's the Monarch. And even if you defeat him, other syndicates will bleed into this territory. The fight never ends."
"I usually don't think that far."
She laughed and punched my arm.
"Ow! Look, even though that's the case, what's the other option? Let them win?"
"You could move to the countryside and start a farm."
"And wait for the syndicate to come knocking on my door?"
Namikawa stared at the headstone quietly. Then she sighed.
"I should already know that. I thought through the logic ages ago, and you're right. Sorry."
"Don't be." I kicked my heel. "...It's weird hearing you apologize."
"Yeah? Hitomi's trying to get me to be more 'emotionally open,' though I think it's mostly an excuse to fluster me."
I smiled. "Well, you never need to apologize to me."
"Good. Don't apologize to me either." She stood and brushed herself off. "Let's go back."
I followed her out.
"Oh, could you get me an audience with the Commander?"
"What do you need me for? Your rank's higher."
"But he's your father."
"And? What do you need him for?"
"I… figured I'd be more useful with some real power."
Namikawa whistled. "Good luck."
"What does that mean?"
"He talks like what he is, a politician. Probably has good intentions, but still, hold to what you want and explain how it'll benefits him. Don't let him derail you."
…
Yeah, I'm not sure. I never asked that specifically, but it seems like her dad tried to pressure her into fighting for the resistance and she refused. I'm… ashamed because I've done the same thing more than once.
She did a lot to help out. Taking patrol shifts, unsealing crests, teaching other mages how to do so, helping out at the hospital, functioning as my lieutenant… Ha, and of course, who could forget when I asked her to kill me?
.
We stood in the middle of an empty field, several paces apart.
"So, what's this secret thing you need me for?"
"I developed, or maybe discovered, a new technique. Could you do me a favor and shoot me with a bunch of ice?"
"To kill? We stopped sparring as children for a reason you know. You'll die if I do that."
"I won't."
"You sure? Want me to call over a medic or something? Maybe come up with a signal if you can't make it work?"
"I'll be fine, go all out."
"... Alright if you say so."
I chose ice partly to train for Mesmer, and partly because I figured it'd be less painful than burning to death, drowning, electrocution, suffocation, being crushed, or any of the other myriad ways she could kill me. I wanted to learn how to handle mages, and who'd be a better opponent than an archmage?
Seeing Namikawa's expression whenever I died evoked… a primal, crushing guilt. I knew it wasn't permanent, that I'd get it right soon, but I still felt like I betrayed her by confidently stating she wouldn't kill me, yet dying in front of her eyes.
Eventually, I learned their paths, recognized their velocity, and dodged them all. I escaped unscathed, except for a knick on the arm.
I grinned. "How's that?"
She tossed me a roll of bandages. "I'm impressed. Can you see the future?"
"Something like that."
"A gift? Never thought I'd see the real deal. What do you call it?"
"Call what?"
"Your ability, most give it a name."
"Er, I hadn't thought of one yet. I just figured it out recently."
She watched me wrap the cut on my arm, then said. "Future Eyes."
"What?"
"Future Eyes." She snickered. "You should call it that."
"No, that's stupid."
"That's the point. I'm tired of reading all these cool names in the records. 'Rune Writer' and 'Iron Maiden's Kiss' and… what was that dramatic one, 'Black Fog Veil of Nightmare?' That one's funny in its own right. Give future academics something to laugh about, and me, when I inevitably write a book or two on it."
I rolled my eyes. "In your dreams. I'll think of something later."
.
What did I pick? Mm, Namikawa called it Death Rewind once offhand. That fits well enough. I don't mind if you call it Future Eyes. Though, whenever I hear that… my heart hurts.
Why? Isn't it obvious?
Namikawa is dead.