With the Commander dead too, the other leaders scrambled to fill ranks. I got that promotion, someone was assigned as my lieutenant, and I was even considered for his replacement. But everything felt hollow.
...
My first impression of the Commander was of warmth. A strong, imposing man who led at the front of his army, yet also a charismatic speaker with a full voice, comforting to listen to from the crowd.
I also thought he was nothing like Namikawa. Appearance, behavior, the way they carried themselves, even their confidence manifested differently. The Commander was straightforward and forthright about his power to protect others, and would reassure you at any insecurity.
But speaking with him a few years later… I didn't feel the same. Maybe it was context. I was much weaker then, younger, less experienced, having barely escaped with Namikawa. I remembered thinking he was tall behind the podium, but I realized speaking with him in person that we were rather close in height.
.
And it was while speaking to him that I understood what Namikawa meant.
"It's an honor to have you here, Commander. How do the other sectors fare?"
"Please, there's no need for formalities. The sector leaders I chose are all accomplished, but today we're here to celebrate your successes. I hear you slayed Mesmer, the most powerful mage under the Monarch."
"Yes, the field commanders conducted the raid masterfully, and my lieutenant, Namikawa, played a crucial role in taking her down.
"Ah, yes, my daughter always was resourceful. She has a good mind for tactics. However, I was under the impression she did not take part in combat."
I hesitated. "Maybe she had a change of heart."
"I see. And where is my daughter? I'd hoped to see her."
"She's occupied at the moment. Logistics."
"I'll have to commend her myself later."
I felt… uncomfortable, but pushed through.
"Commander, I would like to request a rank promotion."
"To subcommander?"
"Yes."
He smiled. "What a happy coincidence, I've considered you for that position many times. Your subordinates frequently speak of your unflinching bravery in battle, how you draw fire to yourself to protect others, it's very admirable."
I nodded, somewhat flustered.
"When I hear about you, Kazunari, it's nothing but praise. I'm told your team scouted the outlying territories and found traces of the Monarch, acting before he had the chance to regroup."
"I have the notes and maps with me." I said, placing them on the table.
He flipped through them. "That foresight and preparedness is an invaluable quality. With all the work you've done to reinforce this area and gain intel, your base would be an excellent place to attack the Monarch from."
"You intend to attack from our sector? We're making good progress but-"
"You're a very competent fighter, Kazunari. Leading the raid would be a perfect fit for you. I'd like to assist, if you'd have use for me and my subordinates."
I was stunned. "O-of course. I'd be honored to fight by your side."
I should've been overjoyed, but something felt off. I couldn't place what, and I never had the chance to ask Namikawa for her thoughts. I guess whatever got under my skin didn't matter anymore regardless.
...
My new lieutenant brought in documents. I told him to set them on the desk. After he left, I absentmindedly said, "Namikawa, could you read those to me?"
As those words left me, another layer of grief slowly pricked at my skin, like snow gathering on an already freezing body, and I felt numb all over again.
.
Turns out, the other sectors had been falling. Maybe the Commander didn't bring that up to keep spirits high. That was the charitable explanation anyway.
Every death count weighed on my shoulders. Each one added a needle of guilt to my chest. I was asking them to fight, despite knowing what the Monarch could do. True future sight? How could I ever overcome that? I wasn't even particularly skilled with tactics. I only knew how to throw myself into battle. So that's what I did, over and over and over. When Nishimori expressed concern at my increasing scars, I brushed her off. I couldn't die. The least I could do was save a few of my comrades. They would die in the next raid, but even if it's just a few days more...
I felt myself drowning.
...
Eventually, the Monarch captured me. He set a trap. At least some of my allies got away, but I know he's using me for leverage now. Wish I could tell them to just let him kill me, if that's even possible. Doesn't matter, I can't get a line to them.
.
You think I haven't tried? Lift my shirt. Or unroll the sleeves.
[A latticework of geometric purple stretched out across his body, like a net or maybe shards of ice. It glinted when it caught the light.]
I can guess what it looks like. Pretty, isn't it? I can't move my own body. I have two options now, wait to die, or expedite the process.
Think you could get a knife? From the kitchen, or a guard if you want to die early.
.
Good. Once you do, stab me in the chest, right in the center. See the dot?
.
Yeah? I've wondered that myself. If I want to die, would my gift still activate? If I killed myself, would it trigger? Either way, if I die, that's great, my allies can move again. If not, well… I'll tell you what I think when I'm back.