A/N: I'm using /text/ as italics because this chapter is unreadable without it lmao.
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I was a soul, rooted at, but separate from, my body. A dull pain radiated in waves from my chest, where the knife plunged into me. Droplets of blood remained suspended in the air. My body, my real body, was frigid to the touch. I clenched and unclenched my fists, refamiliarizing myself with the sensation. It felt nice to move again, even if it wasn't quite real.
What did I want to do next? Didn't exactly have many options. I tried killing myself a few months after the seal was reconstructed, and I didn't get very far before they stopped me. Death was closed off, so that left living. But I couldn't endure a life like this again.
That left two choices, stay in this world for eternity, or escape captivity.
I often wondered how others experienced my gift. I asked Namikawa once, and she answered with a shrug. "As if you never died."
Everyone else moves through life without pause. No, it'd be more accurate to say their life ends without this ability. I call death a pause, how backwards is that?
But that also means they get an out, whereas I have to stay alive, for better or worse.
Two choices.
Once, I checked if my body was alive or dead in this state. Nishimori raised it as a curiosity. Is it the moment of death, or the instant prior? The next misstep in battle, I inspected myself, using what body magic I'd picked up. Of course, without this ability, I'd bleed out a fraction of a second later, so the difference was functionally nothing. But I was alive by a sliver. If that could be called living.
…
How did I feel? I half-hoped I'd die to this, but what I truly wanted was autonomy, to move as I pleased, to exert my will. I had no promise that what came after death was any good, but it would unshackle me from where I was. And yet, when I stretched in this stagnant world, I didn't get the satisfaction of blood moving through reinvigorated limbs, the restlessness remained, weighing me down. I wanted to feel the real thing again.
It never was a real choice was it? With how I am, I would never choose to stay.
I gripped the knife, running a thumb over the wrapping on the hilt as I wretched it out of my chest. The sensation of weight didn't translate well in this world, but the feel of the weapon was comfortable, a good length and sharpness. This would do.
Time resumed.
"Stop." I said. The tip of the knife pricked my chest. Warm blood oozed out of the cut.
"I've made my decision. You're free to leave."
…
I took a deep breath. "I appreciate that. Though, I'm not exactly good at this, who knows how long it'll take. Step back."
/Focus on what heat remains in my body…./
How did she do it? If I could recreate the feeling, of heat and cold oscillating, clashing in me, washing over me, one moment collapsed in the desert sand and the next diving headfirst into the ocean.
/The spark of pain on my chest, the embers in my limbs, let the warmth spread.../
"Understand your personal medium, grasp the core, extend your sense of self, act through them. What is magic, if not will made manifest?" That's what Namikawa told me, a very clear and straightforward explanation as usual.
/Find them…/
I miss her.
/Feed them…/
I'll never forget her. What she meant to me, what she taught me, I'll take it to heart. Namikawa will live on through me. It's as she said, the future is longer than the past.
/Hear the crackle of dry brush as fire takes hold…/
And right now, what she would've wanted for me, what I want for myself, is to escape this place, to burn the syndicate to dust, and to live a good life. Nobody should go through what we did, but there's still happiness to be made.
Even if I can't succeed, I have to try.
Because if I don't, I'd stop living.
/Take the still-living cinders from the ashes…/
I felt my heart thumping, heard the beating in my ears. Black smoke rose in thin tendrils from my chest. Through my eyes that saw only heat, I looked to be glowing.
/… and fan them into an inferno./
The crystalline seal encasing my body cracked and shattered, ice with no time to melt, glass to sudden heat. Blood rushed like fire through veins, and iron melted at my touch. I tore through the manacles and chains. Oh, how good it felt to move again.
I blasted a hole through the stone wall. Sirens roared at my liberation.
"There's a resistance camp nearby. You'll be safe there."
I picked up the knife, grinning, and ran my fingers along the blunt side.
"That's what I should do, but I want to have a bit of fun before I go back."
The word 'SYNDICATE' appeared etched into the metal. She was right, magic really is simple once you understand.
"Thank you. For this, and for everything. The next time we meet, I'll finish the story I started."
...
[And that is the end of my time with the Seer.]